Do you think that the things people are most ashamed of are the things they can't help?

Question

And I'll be really impressed if you can tell me what book triggered this question . . . but you still have to answer it.

Answer 1

I believe that whether the behavior is voluntary or involuntary, people are ashamed of what they have been taught to feel shame for.   I don't  believe that regret = shame.  Although there are times when the two are tied together very closely.  Shame feels like concepts placed on us by others, if we have done this or are not that, then we are unlovable, not worthy, it is something that we should hide, we are wrong.  Whereas regret seems to come from within us something that we have more control over.  More a feeling of when we did not do our best, be our best or when we failed ourselves or others in someway.  Shame feels more primal, good/bad, love/hate.  Regret feels more like there's a choice involved, that is not us that is wrong, so much as, the action that we chose that was wrong.  I'm interested to find out what book triggered this question.  

Answer 2

I don't think so because if you can't help it, there would not be a need for regret. So people who suffered from such self abuse would be rather mentally ill.

I think people regret things specifically because they COULD have helped it at the time and did not. That, in my opinion is where the pain and confusion lie.

Answer 3

nope, not because they can't help it, but because  the things that people choose is bad doing and wrong doing, that's what most people are ashamed of.

Answer 4

yes, they would see it as a personal weakness especially if it caused pain to the ones they loved, while giving themselves pleasure at the same time, such a Elric of Melnibone by Michael Moorcock, Elric could draw fantastic power from magical sources but the power always kills the one he loved the most but with out the power he could not live, he was frequently depressed.

Answer 5

I believe that this is most certainly possible.  I've always been ashamed to tell anybody about my uncle molesting me from the time I was 5 until I was 11.  Why?  Because, as most people who are molested know, what the molester did FELT good and while a child is not to blame, the feeling of pleasure that s/he got from it brings on SO much shame. I was SO very happy the day that he died because I knew then that I no longer had that particular source to have to guard my daughter against.  

About the same time he died, I started having panic attacks when I would be out in a crowd and I said that I was afraid of crowds.  I just found out recently that it wasn't the crowds I was afraid of.  It was people touching me that brought the attacks on my "inside" fear of being touched inappropriately.  Once this was brought to my attention through hypnosis I've been able to go out in crowds and it doesn't bother me one bit.

Our minds, our brains, can do funny things to us.

Sorry, I don't know the book that you're talking about!

Answer 6

I think the things people are most ashamed of are the things they can no longer change. They regret it, but can do nothing about it. They can help these instances, by apoligizing, by fixing a mistake, but they cannot change what they have already done.

Answer 7

yes

Answer 8

The feeling of shame can come over someone for things they can help and can't help.

If someone is too short, they can still be ashamed of their height if people continuously tease him and deteriorate his self esteem.

Someone can also be ashamed for failing something. Mostly because they feel they had worked hard enough and had let himself and other people down.

Shame has nothing to do with wether you can change your state or not, it is just a feeling that comes over us, when we realize our inadequacy

Answer 9

I think most people are ashamed of the things they CAN help. thus the shame.