Do you think the mothers of these children should be told?

Question

Why is Holt, the adoption agency NOT telling these childrens' mothers that their children are no longer alive?

I don't understand the motivation for the secrecy...

http://english.yonhapnews.co.kr/national/2008/03/27/33/0301000000AEN20080327004100315F.HTML

Answer 1

It says that they will tell them if they ask. I'm sure if the mothers want to know, they will definitely ask. I don't think it's really "secrecy", but an attempt to respect their privacy & feelings because you can't be sure if they do or don't WANT to know anything further. Therefore, they don't reach out, but will give information if it is requested. But it would be ridiculous NOT to tell them if they wanted to know. They have the right to know & they deserve to know.

Answer 2

I think one motivation for the secrecy might be because more Korean mothers have been organizing recently and speaking out...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Rfygpzug...

Survivors empowering each other is a scary thing to those profiting off their grief.

Answer 3

the secrecy, IMO has to do with not giving a rat's a$s about the "breeders" after the check clears.  that and if word gets out that one of their "screened parents" actually killed 4 children, it might affect business a bit. sorry, but i'm pissy over this. also, i'm concerned about the prevalence of this, especially since there's a policy.  scary.

but...at some point, these parents were sold as "a better life" for these children.  sure, had they remained in korea, they probably wouldn't have had a comfy middle-class lifestyle (wait, dude was embezzling money to fake a middle class lifestyle); but at least they'd be ALIVE.

this is fuc%ed up.

i will say a little prayer for these children, their amom and the f-moms who really thought that they were giving their children "a better life."

Answer 4

It is unfair. Me and my twin and our older brother were given up at birth. Well my older brother was given up after we were born, he was 3. Me and my twin were put in the same home and were adopted, while my brother went from foster home to fosterhome until he was adopted at the age of 15.

My brother got cancer when he was 17, and me and my twin sis were aloud to go see him. He died when he was 18. It really hurt. I told my adoptive parents we should try to get the agency to get in contact with our bio-parents so they would know if they ever wanted to see us again.

Well my adoptive mom called Holt(we were adopted by that agency)and told them. They said they wouldn't do it, the parents could find out on their own.

I was reunited with my birthparents and when they asked "Where's Jason?", tears filled me and my sister's eyes as we told them what had happened. They cried too.

Parents should be imformed their child is no longer alive!

Answer 5

If course they should be told, but then word would get aruond and that might blow the adoption game for all those couples still waiting for children.  "Their birthmothers" might decide not to relinquish.

As for asking--who calls the adoption agency and asks "Is my child still alive?"  Nobody does, because they were assured they could trust this insitution to cherish their children and put them in good hands.  Otherwise they wouldn't have given them up.

Answer 6

God I don't know but that is downright scary.

A birthmother deserves to know!  Birthmommies love the babies too, they just know that they can't take care of them.  That is so sad.

Answer 7

because then it would seem like the "perfect world of adoption".....is shockingly not so perfect, is it?

Answer 8

I don't know, but HOLT international hits my blog a couple times a day. I'll post about it on there and you can come and comment if you'd like. Its always good to let them hear how we feel in my opinion.

BTW: more like leeches on blood. I just checked and they've been there already today TWICE.  

PM me if you need the link.

Answer 9

definately, they hav a rite to know!

Answer 10

you're right that is unfair... these individuals are entitled to the right to know the truth about the children that they gave birth too. I imagine they aren't doing this out of lack of research because most research suggests that it's in the best interest of all individuals involved to know what's going on with their family members.

Answer 11

just another thing about adoption that makes you afraid to give your child up....I have learned so much about adoption just from hangin out in this section of yahoo anwers for the past few days.....

I have seen first hand the way these adoptive moms talk about their childrens birth moms,I have seen how these so called open adoptions arent actually open at all unless the adoptive parents decide to abide by their promises,because its not legal bindng even if they ut it in writting,I've seen this now about noone letting these birth mothers know that their children have died,omg!!!!!!!!!!!

This world is so messed up....

Adoption is a good intention but boy does it need a lot of work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and that's in all aspects of it......

from the adoptive moms to the laws,etc....

Answer 12

The Birth Mothers deserve to be told what happened. How would they feel if they found out later while trying trying to find their children?

Answer 13

Absolutely!!!!! Not only that but in the case of abuse or neglect I think the natural mother should have the right o SUE the agency that placed the child.

There was a Lifetime Movie......based a a true story.

The mother played by Beverly d'Angelo found out when she began searching for her son that he died at the age of two or three.

He had been abused.......disgusting!

Hmmmmm tell them if they ask??? Are you freakin' kidding me???   How many natural mothers call an agency to see if her child is still ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 14

Oh, wow.  I had heard about this story, and there was a discussion on another group I'm on that, being from Korea where very good records are kept, the government could let the family members of these children know and then announce to all the wondering family members of international adoptees that the family members of the deceased children had been notified so thousands of people wouldn't be wondering.  I guess that won't be happening, :(  Shame on Holt.  They have a solid reputation, but they should let the family members of these children know.

Answer 15

I think it depends on what was agreed before hand.  What is the practice currently?  (i really don't know)  I would think that they should tell them, I mean wouldn't they want to know?  This has inspired another question...I shall go ask now...

How horrible for everyone invovled.

Answer 16

Yes, the mothers need to know. Like it or not, they are still their mothers. They just don't have the legal rights over them. When I had to give my dog away, the people who took him came and let me know that he had been hit by a car and died. We can't do that for the mother of a baby who had to relinquish?

I accept that my daughter has another set of parents. Why can't we be treated the same? This comment doesn't apply to all AP's. Just the ones who don't "get it".

Really, we need to change the way adoption is done. It's so barbaric.

"Lauren's" first mom

Sam's mom