Do you think the traditional "family of the bride pays for the wedding" should still be the standard?

Question

Great answers... Thanks for the response! I was very curious about what people thought because times have changed drastically. If I'm correct the father of the bride used to pay for the wedding as a way to "marry off" his daughter and also to balance the costs for the groom who would step in as the financial caretaker/provider (for a lack of better terms). However, nowadays most women work outside the home and bring in a good amount of income for the family. Also, there are a lot of single parent families who cannot afford paying for a daughter's wedding. I am a product of a single parent home and I know for a fact that my mother couldn't afford a wedding aside from going to the courthouse =). So, I'm glad to see that most people believe it should all be as equal as possible. I don't feel so badly now!

Answer 1

Unfortunately my parents think so. I disagree, because I don't like how much this wedding is costing, but it's difficult to overrule people and ask for a cheaper option when they're the ones paying.

Answer 2

No, I don't think anything should be a standard except "whatever the couple and their family is the most comfortable with". Anything is fair game.

Answer 3

No way.  It's whoever can afford it and wants to participate.  There is no standard.

Answer 4

No. I think the bride and groom should pay for their own wedding. If anyone offers to help, it should be accepted gratefully as a gift.

Answer 5

no. I think couples should pay for their own weddings. if family wants to help, SURE! but it should not be expected.

Answer 6

I wish!!!!!

Actually, I think it's kind of unfair, especially nowadays.... Back in the day, when the girl was at home all the time, didn't work, and they married off young, and did their parents' bidding, yes, but now...?

I know that, had I stayed living with my father, he probably would have helped me pay for my wedding.... I also know that if I had stayed with my father I would have been pressured into marrying a guy I had known growing up, that had good prospects, but to whom I know I would never have any chemistry with (everyone was hinting towards it, right before I decided to leave. I think that was my cue to go off on my own.... He's actually doing quite well financially now, better than most people I know. He's some kind of computer genius)

Anyways, since I moved out and decided to come out from under my father's protective "wing", I would feel horrible to even attempt to ask for his help, financially, for the wedding....

It's just not right.

Nor would my guy allow it. We both work, and make a, if not good, acceptable amount of money, and we'll have the wedding when we can afford it.....

Another thing is, when other people are paying for it, you lose all rights to play the "It's-MY-wedding-and-I'll- do-it-how-I-(we)- want-it!" card....

Sooooo..... Thank you, but NO, thank you.....

Answer 7

Absolutely not. That stemmed from a time when the woman went right from her parents' home to her husband's home--without every really working or being on her own. Life is different now.

Answer 8

no not really... if that was the case we would not have had the lucrative reception my MIL wanted... it really is just who can pay for what...

Answer 9

no way.  if that were the case where that was standard i would have never been able to get married.  i got married 2 times and paid for both of them myself along with the guy that i was getting married to.

Answer 10

No! Its the groom's wedding too. And in most cases, he's the one that pops the question- so he and his family should have to pay for half of it too.

Answer 11

No.  I think it should be whoever can pay for what does including the grroms parents and the couple!

Answer 12

it is changing.  That is not the hard rule anymore.

Usually it is dutch you know 1/2 and  1/2 the groom and the bride not even the parents.

I guess it depends on the culture

Answer 13

If the bride is still in college and dependent on her parents, yes.

If she's out on her own, then she and her fiance should foot the bill.

If the parents want to contribute, that's great! And the bride and groom should be thankful for whatever amount the families want to chip in.

Hope that helps!

Answer 14

Absolutely not.  The couple should be primarily responsible.  THey are adults after all... and should plan the type of celebration that they can afford.  If either set of parents can afford to help, then they can choose to help, if they want to.

Answer 15

No.  The couple should have a wedding that they can afford.  If the families chip in, that's lovely.  But any inflexible rule that shifts costs to one party without any consideration of financial need and resources is totally irrational.

Answer 16

I think couples should take care of the financial aspect of the wedding in whatever way they can.  If the bride's parents can afford, and want to pay for the wedding, then they should.  If not, it should be worked out however all parties are willing to contribute.

Answer 17

Not at all. I think anyone who wants to help can offer to help. The couple can do their own or if someone else offers to help they can help.

My mom feels it is her "right" to pay for my wedding and gets very offended when we offer to pay for anything lol. Tradition, of course, she's very traditional. However, my brother and his wife paid for half of their wedding and her parents paid for the other half. Some couples pay for the entire thing on their own.

It's dictated by who can afford what. Apprently the parents paying is not necessarily the "norm" anymore. However, there's nothign wrong with allowing people to help you pay if they offer. I would never "expect" anyone to pay but if they offer, it is nice ( =

Answer 18

I don't think it should be standard...times have changed. And every bride that gets married; doesn't mean that the parents can afford to fit the bill. I think if the parents can fit the bill it's cool if that is something they want to do...but I personally didn't want my older parents going in debt for my wedding. My husband and I footed the entire bill just so we didn't feel bad or hear any nagging from our siblings...it's hard on parents if there is more than one child...

Answer 19

No.  I think the economy is too tight right now & weddings have far exceeded their original expense.

Personally, I believe the groom & bride should be at a place in their life where they can either fund the celebration or are mature enough to realize their financial limitations.

Answer 20

Yes BUT as long as the bride has remained "single" prior to the wedding, is living at home or close by, has not been shacked up with her mate, and is not already playing house with a child. I mean, if you expect traditional benefits, you should also be a traditional bride. If all the traditions have gone out the window and a bride-to-be is totally independent, living with her guy, making her own money - then she should also remain as independent when it comes to paying for the wedding. AND - it should be within the couple's means - not done on credit cards or on loans with expectations of cash gifts to repay the extravagance.

Answer 21

I think that the couple should be more responsible for paying than their parents these days.  People are older and more settled when they get married and brides (and grooms) are a lot bossier when it comes to what they want.  If it's something the bride "has to have" then she and her future husband should pay for it.

We are paying for about half our wedding and our parents are splitting the rest.  But we aren't really particular about anything, so really our families have a lot of say in what is happening for our wedding (and therefore what is being spent).  If our parents want something for the wedding that we can't afford they have said they will also pay for those additional things.

I would feel so guilty burdening my parents to pay for OUR special day.  I know they want to help as much as they can because they love me and fully support my upcoming marriage, but I am also an adult that should pay for the luxuries in life (like a wedding) if I want them.

Answer 22

Not at all! That came from an era when marriage was for alliance, and rarely love. The groom's family didn't have to pay for the wedding, and got paid to take the bride off their hands i.e. a dowry.

I believe if a couple is old enough to get married, they're old enough to pay for their wedding and following celebration. If family wants to contribute, that's great, but I do not believe it should be a hard and fast rule.

ANGEL EYES: Exactly!

Answer 23

Gosh no, and it really hasn't been the standard for quite a while. Couples are usually mature adults when they are getting married - the average age is currently 27 - so they are independent, wage-earners already.

Couples should be planning the type of wedding and number of guests the two of them can afford to pay for themselves. Let your parents have some goodies left for their retirement fund!