Do you think these are warning signs of an abuser??

Question

1. Being really, really jealous of all my ex-boyfriends ... my boyfriend said (jokingly) that he wants to run them over in his car. And he doesn't like it if I talk to any guy. We we at a party, and a guy came up and talked with me (very innocently) and my bf glared at him the rest of the night,

2. Not having respect for people in general. My boyfriend always treats me like a queen but he can be very rude and ignorant with people. Also, he has been divorced twice and he hasn;t gotten along with his family for years

Answer 1

he seems very protective, and sometimes ppl like that will expect so much of you, and if you fail to what they want they might start abusing. So maybe you need to talk to ppl close to him or possibly his exs- and see why hes like that. Maybe hes just over-protective, but thats not cool either.

Answer 2

Warning signs of a loser.  Pay particular attention to "twice divorced" part.  He was dumped for good reason.

Answer 3

He looks like he might abuse once you get married.

He luvs you too much... he went of the deep end. Break up with him.

Answer 4

Honestly, without really knowing the individual, it's tough to say.  Jealousy and disrespect aren't great qualities but without really knowing the person, these are rather "soft" signs, per se, and frankly unless there's something more sinister, if you love the guy based ont he data provided, I don't think that it meets the burden for being a "warning" sign.

But everyone seems to have a different burden for warning signs these days.  Some might argue that my enjoyment of fried catfish may be a warning sign that I'm abusive.  I can either engage in debate about this or I can simply choose not to bother.  I've never been abusive nor do I intend to be abusive, but if someone feels otherwise, there's not a blessed thing I can do about it.

I like when a girl is possessive about me; it makes me feel like she really wants me greatly, so I don't really see this quality as inherrently bad, per se (unless there's more to it).

Answer 5

he is a nice guy. no worries, mate.

Answer 6

He's just possessive; the type after you get married takes you little pink book and burns it.

Answer 7

Uh no, this is just his personality.

Answer 8

hes just protective maybe something bad happened to his old girlfriends and doest want that 2 happen again

Answer 9

Yes. My ex-boyfriend ran his ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend over with his truck, and killed his ex-girlfriend, all out of jealousy. He wouldn't talk to my sister, because she has the same name as his ex-girlfriend. You'd be surprised how easy to was for him to "Snap". Thankfully I never married him.  

Answer 10

no

Answer 11

He may not be an abuser...

but he's definately a JERK.

What an ******.  

Answer 12

My ex gf had the same prob with her ex bf.. I put him in hospital with a crushed windpipe after he started shaking her in front of me

The behaviour is possessiveness and insecurity. Like Donna says this will lead to small fits of anger usually without abuse to begin with except perhaps hitting inanimate objects. That's a warning sign right there that someone, you, an ex bf etc. could be next.

He sounds like a c*nt to be absolutely honest.

Answer 13

2 is a sign, b/c it reminds me exactly of my abusive ex boyfriend.  He's nice to you b/c you're his girlfriend and he's still getting to know you. The "honeymoon phase" is when abusers are super sweet, but they turn ugly when you least expect it. They may treat you like a queen for months and years, but they will treat you rudely like they do everyone else down the line.

You know all those people he's mean to? He probably was super sweet and treated them like kings/queens in the beginning too.

Jealousy is also a sign of an abuser AND can be a type of emotional abuse, but that alone is not a guarantee.

I would be more careful about #2. The fact that he doesn't get along with his family might indicate that his family was abusive towards him.  Sometimes, people from abused families become abusers themselves (not all the time).

Answer 14

You could perhaps nurture him out of his insecurities, with a lot of love and devotion. I would like to know if he has ever been violent...I know how this could go if he decides he cannot trust you. Be careful with this one.

I have four sisters divorced multiple times-at least they haven't all been put into the hospital.

Answer 15

Not necessarily. It sounds like he's insecure and afraid of losing you maybe, and has little regard for people in general.

Usually, abuse starts with belittling, name calling, insults, and flash tempers that put you on the edge of your seat. Like kicking furniture, and having tantrums. At least that's my take on it.

If you feel at all that you will get hit, get out.

Answer 16

Not necessarily an abuser, but twice divorced?  Do NOT plan on a future with this man and for Christ's sake, don't get pregnant!!!  This one's not worth keeping, and don't be so dumb that you think your love will redeem him!

Answer 17

Some people are rude and ignorant by nature which makes them unpleasant to be around but not necessarily abusive.

Also, the fact that he doesn't get on with his family might not indicate that he is abusive, although it probably indicates that something went wrong in the family, people don't just drop their family for no reason.

However, if he is treating you 'like a queen' while at th same time being jealous over boyfriends you had before him, he is obviously overly jealous and might be a controlling type.

Whatever the situation, he obviously doesn't trust your judgement of who is an appropriate person to have a social conversation with, which is ridiculous. He has no right to decide who you should talk to, when or why.

Try to discuss these things with him in a non judgemental and open way, ask why he takes this attitude and see how he reacts.

If he is open to talking about this stuff and wants to behave more respectfully, he's probably just unaware of his behaviour.

If he becomes angry or self justifying, I would think there's trouble ahead unless it can be 'fixed', either through couples counselling or asserting your rights to your own life.

The link below will take you to a great site which deals with these type of issues.

Best of luck and good wishes :-)