Do you think this could be the problem vs. Feminism?

Question

While driving home from work today, I heard a young man explaining in detail the abuse that his mother suffered at the hands of his father. He gave an account of a night where he could recall his sister and himself witnessing his father place the barrel of a 12 gage shot gun to his mothers head; telling her that he would kill her and the kids if she left him. The young man later explained that after witnessing several accounts of domestic violence and abuse, he started to develop this hatred for his mother, sister and women in general. His grades in school started to slip, and he become so uncontrollable that he was forced to leave his home and stay with a relative. He maintains no contact with his mother or his sister. “Most people don’t even know I have a sister” he said. He broke down and confessed bouts of abuse towards his girl friend, where he too punched the young lady during a disagreement. In his words “It was like a natural reaction, I’d seen it so many times that I did it with out thinking about it” When asked by his father during a dispute that had erupted between his mother and himself “Why can’t you and your sister get along?” he explained to his father that it was because of the abuse that he witnessed between his mother and father was one of the main reasons for the disconnection between his sister and himself. What really shocked me was when the young man reviled to the audience that he was only 15 yrs of age.

I have seen cases of boys growing up in homes with abusive fathers who become irrational, aggressive, experience difficulties learning in school, indulge in alcohol and drug abuse, womanize and become bullies by carrying on the behaviors of the “head of the household”. I think, and this is just my personal opinion that this can also be a contributing factor to the raise in violence within the last few years both against and amongst young girls. What do you guys think? DO YOU think (or believe) that at times the behaviors of the fathers can also be contributing factors to juvenile delinquency, high school drop outs, drug/alcohol abuse amongst youth or young men becoming hateful towards all women (or young women becoming hateful towards all men)? Or do you believe that as long as the father is in the home (regardless of his actions while there) it will have no bearing on the adults that his offspring will soon become? You’re thoughts please?

Answer 1

It would be tough to rule out parental example in any case of child development.

The situation you describe shows a child immersed in an unequal union. It is unlikely that he witnessed any of the "give and take," or the expressed ideals demanded by civil society in his daily life.

The only salvation from the influence of a distressed family is the intervention of one or more strong figures from inside or outside the family, which probably would have been seen as a threat by the father and not allowed by him.

Faced with the lone example of either parent, he could choose to be a doormat like his mother, or to be the dominant figure his father was.

Some children have the creative energy to pattern themselves after other influences, real or imagined, but this young man probably had the whimsy beat out of him.

It follows, then, that his foray into the real world would be haunted by his upbringing, any polite interaction with the opposite s*x feeling false, and the concept of gender equality being perceived as a challenge to his idea of manhood.

Although I never thought about it before, the way you describe this child's life should give the rest of us pause when we encounter anything like it.

I've seen enough families who fit this profile to agree with your theory, although we must be careful to remember when dealing with issues of race, gender, or any form of categorization, that we are still dealing with individuals.

There should be a natural "bell curve" ranging from hypersensitive children through tough, insensitive ones, but most will likely fall in the middle, sustaining damage but coping somehow, perhaps after years of trial and error.

If society is to embrace the ideals of feminism, and the goal of feminism is to abolish enforced inequality, it is in our best interest to help these children cope.

None of us can pick our parents, but we can pick our role models. I sincerely hope this young man was as enlightened by your encounter as you were by his story.

Answer 2

I doubt that people objecting to the sexist laws and questionable social and political agendas surrounding feminism has any real link to dv.

Of course a family is better off without an abusive father.

Why are you so focused on abusive fathers, the profiles of the majority of serial killers/rapists note that the mother was abusive.

"DO YOU think (or believe) that at times the behaviors of the fathers can also be contributing factors to juvenile delinquency, high school drop outs, drug/alcohol abuse amongst youth or young men becoming hateful towards all women (or young women becoming hateful towards all men)?"

If a parent is abusive it damages the children, everybody knows that.

I don't really get this question at all but then, im too lazy to read it properly, it seems needlessly long, sorry.

Are you a misandrist?

Answer 3

I think with the neo-feminism and the media, boys aren't allowed to become men and so they resort to violence.

Answer 4

i fell asleep reading the question, so i'll just agree with you... zzzz

Answer 5

YES

Answer 6

I'm thinking that in this particular case, the guy lost respect for women because he saw how weak his mother was and it hurt, so he handled it by some sort of psychological thing where he turned the hate on his mother instead of his father??? I mean, if you see someone getting beat up all the time and not doing anything about, you would probably loose your respect for them too. What the mom should have done is to leave and call the cops on that man, then her son would respect her for being tough. Too late I guess.

Answer 7

Really good fathers resent hearing that, that fathers when they are lousy have no bearing on outcomes because if lousy fathering has no bearing, then GOOD fathering has no bearing, either.  c**p like that dismisses the effort and sacrifice and honor that a good man puts into his children.  Men who lack accountabilty and men who stand by them are losers in the eyes of ALL good parents, regardless of genitalia, and nobody's fooled by what a loser is or isn't.