Do you think this is a good poem? Mature people only.?

Question

I wrote this about models, who's whole lives are based on the empy shell that is their beauty.

Enjoy?

Barbie

By Kina Wolfenstein

Glossy lips

Charcoal eyes

Pink cheeks

Glitter

Glamour

Fake smile

Hair pulled tight

Straightened

Conditioned

Perfection

Eyes wide

Wide awake

Tight shirt

Ribs sticking out

False confidence

Elle

Practiced laugh

High heels

Hours in the mirror

Warrior

Early early mornings

Turn of the alarm

With French manicured nails

Fights fire with

Elegant language

A queen among peasants

Fake plastic

Porcelain doll

Vogue

She would break if you dropped her

But try picking her up

Owning her

You will be burned and thrown

Glossy lips

Charcoal eyes

Same old picture

Recycled lines

Everyday

Parties and confetti litter her face

Wither

Throw away your mirror

Nothing more

To live for

Answer 1

Are you kidding me.   .  .   .  .  .  .  .  . . . .  . this is dreadful.

Its everywhere. Learn to be consistent when it comes to causation.

Readers would enjoy it 'more' (don't know how much) as a story.

Throw away your mirror nothing more to live for.- I was laughing for a whole minute. Emo superficial denial at its BEessstttt.

Answer 2

I have published quite a bit of work, and this question seems to be the most useful starting test. Since there is no rhythm or rhyme scheme and many would look for form or progression--IN WHAT REGARD IS THIS A POEM AND NOT JUST NOTES? It's saved me a lot of wheel-spinning.

Answer 3

Hmm... I like but I don't like. This poem doesn't like my brain. >.<

I like the lack of rhyme ad at the same time I hate it. I love the idea of the poem and at places I was anticipating what would happen next. I like how you repeated the beginning at the end, it's a classic way to conclude a poem. I have used this style many times myself. Well done. =)

Answer 4

I think It's okay, but It's kind of repetative.

Answer 5

I am by no means a poet, however I have to say that I really liked what you were saying.  Maybe because I simply agree with you regarding "peoples who careers are based souly on their looks," but I like the way this poem is written, I would love to read more of your poems.