Do you think this is a good story?

Question

It's a book about people who live in a city called

Alhambra, CA, which is in Los Angeles County.

It's a contrast to the show 90210.

This is an excerpt:

I think, that it is boring…so boring, saying the words high school makes me go to sleep. Tests—they don’t measure how smart you really are, it’s just how hard you study for it. Grades too! Getting a B doesn’t mean you’re dumb, but you’re already disqualified at the very start of the competition to go to a good university. It’s all B.S.!!! And guess what SAT really stands for?! STUPID *** TEST!!! I’ll show those people [all the people who make the laws for school] not to mess with me…

Earthquake yesterday.

It was the last day of summer school. I still remember like it was yesterday. Oh wait, it was yesterday. *sigh* Well, anyways, we talked for quite some time, and for some reason we started talking about Barbies. Yeah, I know, right!! Everyone knows whenever you talk about Barbies, something devastating will happen. Candace said that her brother used to strip her Barbies, and when she got home, they were all naked. We thought it was disgusting, but we laughed anyways. Suddenly, the ground started shaking. After it shook for ten seconds, finally our teacher shouted, “Earthquake!!! Get under your desk!” She ran around frantically, instead of going under her desk. The whole class was so shocked we didn’t move until another seven seconds had passed.

As random as the day was already, Candace had to be a step away from crazy; she was very passionate. She grabbed the desk chair’s bottom part with the metal, and suddenly said, “Oh no, we don’t have the earthquake kit!! We’re all gonna die!” She made me laugh so much I forgot there was an earthquake. Jason didn’t believe it was a real earthquake. He thought it was just part of a drill. I still don’t get why he thought it was fake. How the h**l do you fake an earthquake?!

Most of us couldn’t fit under the desks, so our feet, or part of our arm stuck out. That wasn’t the worst part. There was gum under those small desks, too. My hair probably had thousands of people’s saliva. EWWWW!!!!!

Around 12:00, we went to the book room to return our books. Candace just didn’t stop. She told us she was an alien, and her Soft Lips was a remote to signal her fellow aliens to come with their UFO. She also said she had the magic finger.

“Like E.T.?” There was no way she was an alien. Except that she had an exceptionally long neck and an OCD for Koreans.

“Yeah!!! He’s my brother-in-law.”

so is it good? Cause I wrote it, and i'm only 14

Answer 1

Haha it's funny. Your story jumps around a lot, but it was intriguing enough to read the whole entry. It has some mistakes, but those can always be corrected. If you got it published, i would definitely read it!

Answer 2

*APPLAUSE*

Pros:

Great comedy! Candace rox! Good writing!

Cons (I know we all hate them):

Is this a book? Or is it a script for some TV show? Cause a book has to have a storyline. So what is gonna happen to these kids? I just couldn't find a real storyline besides kids at school. BUT! With kids going to school you can make a lot of good stories coming out of it! So that's not much of a problem!

Bottom Line:

Awesome story! I see a lot of potential for you and this story! Once again *Applause*

Answer 3

no, thank you.  it definitely shows you're 14.  better than a lot of c**p, but not my cup of tea.  too much ew, and i know right?  but perhaps thats the point.  i wish people like that the worst.  good structure, go for it.  but, the beginning was effective, i am curious to know how this half-retarded Valley girl is going to show the entire school lawmaking  body not to mess with someone who can't stay consistent?