Do you think this is rude in the western culture?

Question

My ancestors were of eastern culture but I was born and raised in a western influenced environment. But some eastern values still remain with me. When someone offers to buy me a gift, I politely decline. When someone praises me, I try to be modest and say things like, "no I'm not...". Also when people want to treat me to food, I decline or try to pay for it.

When I look at a lot of White people, they are direct. They immediately accept gifts, compliments, and offers. So do you think I'm rude in this environment or for not being direct? I feel bad when people go through the trouble to make me happy. Or would you say this is individual family values?

Answer 1

i don't think it's rude. you should buy those people gifts back, unless you don't have the money, then politey decline. accept compliments as well, but give those people compliments back if you think they're worthy enough. lol and say thank you (:

Answer 2

You modesty is really beautiful and sweet too, BUT I think it might be misunderstood by most Americans.  

If I were you, I would just be super gracious to those offer gifts or compliments, offers etc.  You can still fight over the check, but I wouldn't let the same friend pay all the time.

Answer 3

yeah i can relate to that.

I was born and raised in an eastern country and now live in a western country; so i know what you're saying.

Answer 4

You just don't trust those who are around you that's all.

Answer 5

Oh, cut the c**p....I'm 3rd generation white/italian American and I was brought up the same way. You aren't so special so get off the pedestal. By the way, why are you here if it's so terrible. Go back to the craphole you came from if you arent going to respect the place where you probably make your living.

I can't believe everyone above has fallen for you side door insult to USA.

Answer 6

When in Rome, do as the Romans.

Answer 7

No

Answer 8

My ancestors were also of eastern culture and i also do have some eastern values as well.

In my opinion, i don't think its rude... So i guess you could say it's an individual family value.

I also think that once in a while accepting a gift and taking compliments is fine. Modest is also good too, but it kind of shows a little too much when you say your not. But you obviously are.

Answer 9

no, it's not rude at all. it's all standard politeness. i'm white, and i don't know what white people you are refferring to, but we certainly aren't all like that. those values aren't unique to the east. i think it's pretty much universal. don't let other people's values pervade your own values.  if everyone else is being rude, be your own person, and know that they are in the wrong.

Answer 10

Haha I can totally relate to all you have just said.

And my opinion is that it's individual family values; however, the 'eastern culture' seems to illustrate modesty more..

Answer 11

i say you're worth it accept the gift or the compliment, unless you really dont want to take it. but it's not rude because we offered it to you for a reason so whether you accept the gift or not we're not mad

Answer 12

Yes that is what I do too. I don't like it. It's like I have an inferiority complex. I think I might. All my life I've tried to be modest too. I decline food even when I'm hungry. I don't think they consider it rude. If you decline, they don't have anything to lose. I think the loss is with us when we decline things, even compliments. It damages our confidence and self-esteem.

Answer 13

Your behavior is off-putting and sometimes borders on rude to a westerner.

Gifts should not be expected.  It's normal to decline a gift once, but if the person offering insists, you should accept and thank them sincerely, and make a note to respond with a gift of your own.

When you are praised, you should be humble but do not deny.  A simple smile and "thank you!" will make them feel good.  I have recently lost a bit of weight, and sometimes people comment on it, and I say "Thank you for noticing!" with a bright smile, and then continue on with whatever I was saying.

If you are treated to food, it is rude in many many cultures, not just western, to refuse.  You will often find that the poorer someone is, the more food you will be offered by that person.  In the deep south your regard for that person is considered to be directly proportional to how much you eat.  

People give you gifts, compliments and food because they like you and want to be with you and demonstrate their regard for you.  You should learn to have the grace to accept these favors int he spirit in which they are offered, and be ready to reciprocate when you have the chance.  You will find yourself opening a door into a rich culture that you cannot appreciate from the outside.  Westerners, and Americans in particular, are very generous.  

There is an old West coast indian tradition called the potlatch.  The person hosting the potlatch invites guests, and literally gives them everything he owns.  He will shower them with gifts that lead to his total impoverishment.  The more gifts a potlatch host provides, the higher esteem he holds in the village.  To refuse a ptlatch gift directly says that the giver is unworthy to give you anything, and is considered an insult.

Answer 14

Extremely situational. When someone gives you a compliment like "You did well" you should smile and say "Thanks aw--but--well--haha thanks". "Nice shirt" or "You're funny" you should thank them. Sometimes it takes a lot for someone to make a compliment, sometimes it's like they put themselves beneath you for a second, so you should appreciate that they humbled themselves and did it.

If someone hands you a gift, if it's thoughtful, you should smile and maybe say stuff like wow i can't believe it, for me?, you didn't have to. And just accept it because they went out of there way to get it for you. Make sure you show appreciation and happiness because that makes them happy too. If it's a week before your birthday and someone asks what they should get you, that's when you can say oh you don't have to get me anything just go to my party and hang out with me. If someone offers you food, situational too but most of the time you should try some. If someone spent the day making it you should say it tastes good and thank them for it. Imagine if you spend the day making something and you couldn't wait til people tried it and they say Nah. Ok so you are at a friend's house with a bunch of people there, you aren't that hungry, you are really full, and your friend's mom offers you and your group a plate of quesadillas you could say oh thanks I'm so full but I'll have one...then say it's good. (now you are giving compliments!) If the mom offers you more then you can say oh thanks so much but I'm full. If someone takes you out and pays, offer to pay your portion but if they say they got it, say "thanks, make sure you let me get you next time!"

So yeah good question but be polite! Think about the situation, think from their point of view. Sometimes it is rude to decline! Good fortune to you :)

Answer 15

Huh? What has culture to do with it. If someone offered you something simply means they are very happy with you. You don't want-don't accept. I would, unless it posed a hardship for those offering. Many cases, you will offend people by refusing. Look at this from both sides.

You must be awfully special to receive so many offers. I should be so fortunate.