Do you think this might have made us take a step back?

Question

My guy bought some late gifts for me for my birthday which was about two weeks. He bought me one of my favorite computer games and some dvds as well as some other things. One night last week we were taking the night to ourselves and he asked me what I planned on doing and I said I planned on getting around to playing that computer game since I never got the chance and later that night when we talked, I told him I had played it a good couple of hours. Well this morning he asked me had I installed the game because he wanted to play and didn't see it on my desktop and I told him yes, then he looks around, sees the bag of gifts I tried to hide with the game still left unopened. He laughed about it and I told him I didn't want to hurt his feelings and let him think the gifts were unappreciated so I lied and didn't have time to get to it.

But my guy is a man of few flaws and one of his biggest is insecurity with our relationship. We've been working on the trust issues throughout our three year relationship. It spawns from his past (which I know I shouldn't be blamed for) and he says it's also my overly friendly and sometimes flirty nature. So in the recent months we've really worked on our communication (since that was another issue starting out) and really talked out his issues of trust and I felt like we made some progress even though only time will help (and it's my choice to be with him despite the somewhat lack of trust). But I just feel like this little white lie and the only one I've ever told him since I've always been upfront and honest with him just set us back. He was joking around about it then let it go and is in high spirts today, doesn't look upset about it, but he's also good at masking his feelings. I'm worried that what's running through his head is "if she can lie about this, what else can she lie about?" It's just bothering me and I don't want to take steps back in my relationship. I'm just wondering if you caught your spouse or significant other in a white lie, would this make you less willing to trust them? The one lie I tell he catches me on and it's upsetting to think that this has totally thrown out all the progress we've made.

Just need an outside opinion.

Thank you in advance.

Answer 1

Unfortunately, you did lie about something as trivial as this so I understand if he thinks that if you can lie about something so small, why not lie about something really big. Why lie about anything? Just tell the truth.  Once a person lies, there isn't any trust.

Answer 2

couldn't even read all of this dribble......"it's not what color you paint the living room, it's that you painted it together'.........

quit being a right fighter - nit picker.....

Answer 3

You're working on communication. But you lied. It's not a "white lie." It's just a lie. What's should worry someone more. Lying when the consequences of telling the truth were serious or lying as a casual way to avoid something trivial? Okay. It happened. Now fix it. Tell him you know it's counter to the whole idea of honest communication and that you feel bad about it. (First, see if you do feel bad about. Nothing you said suggests you do, other than worrying how it will affect you.) It's not such a big thing that it can't be fixed. It can be a big thing if you misjudge.  

Answer 4

Don't be too bothered about what's he's thinking and how he'll re-act because these are things that you have no control over.. the best is just to be yourself... he has to sort out his insecurity issues on his own

Answer 5

It sounds like the conviction and guilt over lying has

you mentally beat and catastrophizing way too much.

Just say, "I need to talk to you for a minute,

I feel so bad that I fibbed. Will you forgive me.

I need to let it go and forgive myself, too. I can't,

I won't do that to you or myself again." Then,

let it go. You are doing too much mentally on this.