Do you think we push our babies to achieve more at a younger age?

Question

For example: parents push their kids to crawl, turn over, roll, walk earlier. Parents also start feeding their children solids earlier. Some parents push their children to potty train as soon as they hit a certain age. Why is there such a demand for babies to develop so quickly? What's wrong with letting them grow at their own pace? I understand if a baby is lacking developmental skills and they're having problems with daily life, this is different.

Who creates this demand for babies to do things when they aren't ready?

I know my mother in law asks if my 9 month old does things yet, and she goes out and buys things to make her achieve new skills. (she tried to buy a walker, but I turned her down) She also said that at 3 months my daughter should be taking liquid rice cereal off a spoon or else she will never be able to eat off a spoon (in her entire life). I am a first time mom and I even knew that wasn't right. It took until almost 4 1/2 months to get my daughter to eat off a spoon. Now I fear the worst: she's going to demand we start potty training soon because she had two of her 4 kids potty trained at 6 months. Don't ask me how, but they had a lot of accidents!

Answer 1

I think it's an american thing.  It's something I've noticed through reading the posts on Y.A.  As soon as I read something about someone's child not doing something at a particular age, I look for clues, and sure enough, I usually find some american spellings.  There's less of a demand put on children here in the U.K. except for one of the things you mention - early solids.  I'm always surprised by how early people try to make their children eat solid food.  I didn't even give my children a spoonful of anything until 6 months.  

You are right - you should just let children develop at their own pace.  Mine started crawling at around 10 months and started to sit up at around the same time.  They walked at 18 months and 16 months.  So these things were late by some people's standards, but I didn't care - they were still within the normal range, and they have the rest of their lives to walk and sit up after all !!!!!  Both my children were early talkers - but it doesn't give them any particular advantage in life.  The other children caught up.  

Now, the potty training issue is a generation gap thing.  My boys were in nappies until 3 and a half yrs and 3 and a quarter yrs.  But in the days before disposable nappies people put in a lot of hard work to get their children out of nappies so that they could stop washing them !!!.  Apparently I was out of nappies by 1 yr.  We may as well enjoy having disposables.  

Answer 2

I definitely know what your going through, and I don't understand why our parents subject us to such nonsense! My mother in law was even worse. She started on the potty training when my son turned 15 months old, because she said that my husband was potty trained at the age, so naturally my son would be too. Yeah right, despite all her demands, despite all her methods, my son did it when he was ready. He is just now 3yrs old and has just started! I don't rush him into being what other people say he should be.  I see nothing wrong with letting them grow at their own pace, let them be babies why the can. Exploring and learning is what it's all about, there shouldn't be such a demand for them to learn tasks so quickly. When they are ready you will know.As for your mother in law, just ignore her. Do what feels right for you and your baby. I don't think we could ever say anything to convince them otherwise. Have you ever heard the saying, You can't teach an old dog new tricks?  :)

Answer 3

The kids weren't potty trained at 6 months, their mom was.  She knew when they had to go and put them on the potty, they had no idea what was going on.

My sister in law swears her daughter was speaking in FULL sentences at 6 mo...funny how they have everything else on video, but forgot to tape that.  Her son was also doing equations at 4...whatever!  He's a college graduate without any ambition in life and no job, so even if he was doing equations at 4, he's still a loser now.

If someone is pushing something just tell them that you doctor recommends X, they will usually leave you alone because the doctor says.  My s-i-l always asks me if my kids are doing things yet "well, he knows his colors, doesn't he?"  it's always so accusatory,I used to feel like a terrible mom when my oldest didn't know his colors at 2 or his letters at 3...but I learned to just let it roll...my kids will never speak in full sentences at 6mo or do equations at 4, but my oldest is amazing at Karate, and my 3 year old taught himself his letters and my 2 year old is just about the sweetest baby EVER!  So who cares?

My mother-in-law didn't understand a lot of things I did, I usually just smiled and said "hm...that's interesting, I'll think about trying it" or "Well, I don't think that will work for him, but thanks"

I still get lots of advice, but I get more praise then any of my sisters or sister in laws do about their children.  Because I raised my kids exactly how I wanted to rais them and they are awesome!

Good luck!

Answer 4

I think society is pushing children to do things at earlier ages.  I can't believe she had them potty trained at 6 mos!  That's more her being potty trained!  Its not like the kids could walk to the potty and pull down their pants and go.  She would have to take them their and undress them every few hours I'm sure!  What a pain!  I honestly think that we should teach them as much as we can, but give them the freedom to do it at their own pace.  Everyone develops at different times and sometimes the body just isn't ready for things.  Medically speaking some children physically can not control their bladder until they are four or five years old!  People need to be more understanding about these things in my opinion and not force their children to achieve so much as such a young age!

Answer 5

Your mother-in-law has a really lousy memory, or is a really lousy liar, or just wants to make you feel stupid and incompetent.  Take your pick.

First of all, solid foods get introduced when you and your baby's doctor agree that it's time.  Forty years ago, babies started getting cereal mixed into their bottles at one or two weeks old.  My youngest brother was getting cereal from a spoon before he could sit up by himself.  When my daughter was born 27 years ago, doctors were saying no solids until 6 months and never mix cereal into their bottles.  When my grandson was born just less than 2 years ago, the doctors said he could start cereals between 4 and 5 months, when it became obvious that breast milk alone wasn't keeping him satisfied.

Toilet training by 6 months is a flat-out lie.  You can't toilet train a child who can't walk himself to the toilet!  Toilet training usually starts somewhere between a child's second and third birthdays.  Don't rush it and don't force it.  The child will let you know when he's ready to try, and he'll get the hang of toilet training when he's ready to.  My cousin's wife had their daughter toilet trained by 26 months.  My daughter was 6 weeks past her 3rd birthday and still refusing to be toilet trained.  Until we went to visit cousin and his family and she saw that her smaller cousin was using a potty.  By the end of the weekend, my daughter had decided potties were okay and wanted panties instead of diapers.  

When it comes to spoons or sippy cups or toilets, don't push your kids.  If you turn these things into a control struggle, you're going to lose.  And in the long run, none of them are worth fighting over.  

When it comes to your mother-in-law, however, feel free to tell her at any time to back off and stop questioning your judgment.  You might be a first-time mom, but that doesn't mean you don't know what's best for your baby.  I promise, you know more about your own baby and how to raise that baby than you think you know.

Answer 6

While I agree that children shouldn't be pushed I also think that it is our jobs as parents to teach them because how else would they know. The thing you have to figure out is when your child is ready. There are "guidelines" as to when a child should be able to do things and it's not a bad idea to introduce them to these things at those ages but you don't have to push them. I think a lot of ppl push their children because of the bragging rights. Which is really quite silly. If you push them they will get discouraged and rebel cause they feel like failures. Best of luck!