Do you think what my mom is doing is fair

Question

My mom just said she wanted me to keep my door open while on the computer,this came out of nowhere I can see if I was looking at p**n or some c**p but i've never done that most of the day i'm on the computer since i'm homeschooled there isn't anything else to do I don't have any friends and i'm not allowed to have any friends that are outside of my religion because they're all "bad association" and i'm not very keen on the people who are of my religion so I hardly ever associate with anyone,i'm 14 and I like my privacy so for my mother to come out of the blue with keep your door open while on the computer In my opinion isn't fair at all i've had a computer in my room for years with internet access and never once did somthing I wasn't supposed to be doing don't you think she's being unfair?

and I can't do anything about it because she's very hard to talk to she gets angry easily and i've asked her why she said that and the only reason she gave me is because "she said so"

........

Answer 1

No, what your mom is doing is not fair, but she is the parent, so you have to follow her new rule. She is likely doing it because she is worried about your safety (ie she heard about predators on the internet.) I don't think having your door open on the net is the end of the world, unless she is constantly reading over your shoulder.

Someday you will move out and you will be able to make your own choices about religion, friends, and privacy.

I know your mom is hard to talk to, but I think it's important to try to sit her down and discuss the fact that you are 14 and are at an age where you need more privacy. Don't get mad, just explain that you follow all her rules and you try to be a good daughter. Since you are responsible and mature (give her examples, like when you helped with a fund raiser at church, or baby sat younger kids) you have earned to right to some privacy.

good luck! I hope she listens to reason.

Answer 2

I think that people outside your religion being "bad association," is pretty unjust.

Yet for the computer thing, if you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear.

Eventually, she will realize that you go on safe sites, and she will ease down.

Happy days :)

Answer 3

Maybe one of her friends childern was doing inappropriate things on the computer, and she wants to keep an eye on you so you dont do anything you shouldnt.

Answer 4

She's still giving you privacy because she is not watching every last little thing you do--she isn't hovering over your shoulder, right?

This isn't necessarily worry that YOU are doing bad things.  The internet can be a dangerous place for young kids like you, so she is probably keeping a watch on you for your own protection.

If you aren't doing anything you're not supposed to be doing, then there really isn't anything to be embarrassed about, right?  Consider asking her to join you with some of your online activities.  Show her a new site that has helped you research for homework, or show her a site that has some games that you enjoy playing.  If you let her see what you ARE doing, it may help ease her mind a little bit, too.

Your mother cares about you--that's why she is asking you do keep your door open.

Answer 5

as a mom of 6 ..i can see why she wants to...my grandson was actually solicited on the computer and he is 10.....luckily the parents were there and told the guy to buzz off....i would say for your protected...i'm sorry about the homeschooling...i believe that you need to experience the world as you grow up to be able to learn right from wrong....but it is not my place to go against your mom either...sorry

Answer 6

Honestly, I don't like the fact that most teens and children have computers hooked to the internet in their rooms.  Its just asking for trouble.  She is just trying to protect you from crazy people.  If you were my kid, I would move the computer to the living room or somewhere that there is adults present.

Answer 7

The only thing I can think of is that she had a discussion with someone about teen internet use and how you should monitor them when on the internet.  Stuff like that is all over the news and articles, etc.  So she probably thought to herself, oh, well my daughter keeps her door closed while on the internet, I wonder why, maybe I should start monitoring her use.  How does she know you don't look at p**n or something bad?  Most of the time parents aren't going to take your word for it because teenagers lie alot.

Answer 8

I'm the same way as you, I need my privacy when I'm on the computer and when someone comes up to me and says, "What are you doing on the computer" or, "What are you doing on that computer that you shouldn't be doing", just because I closed the programs when they were trying to see what my friends and I were saying to each other! I'm not doing anything bad on it, I just want my privacy! I really don't feel comfortable when they are looking at what I'm doing! The worst thing me or my friends might say in a conversation would be lmao and they make a big deal about that! I know you said that you cant talk to your mom because she is hard to talk to but I would just go up to her and calmly say, "Mom, I don't know why you told me to open my door when I'm on the computer because I'm not doing anything bad but I really think I need my privacy."  I understand what she is doing and I would hate that if she did that to me. And trust me, my mom is sometimes hard to talk to too. It is so annoying but you just have to deal with it. It isn't fair if you tell her what I told you to say and she says no or something like that. Just CRACK OPEN YOUR DOOR  BUT DONT LEAVE IT CLOSED TOO MUCH. Try it, it might be the only thing you can do. Hope it works for you!

Answer 9

With so many preditors out there and so many things going on in this world, I really think she has a legitimate concern.  Remember, someday you will be a mom or a father, and trust me you will do the same things your parents do.  She is probably reacting to something she heard or someone told her about the dangers of the internet.  If you want your door closed talk to her about filters that can be put on the computer to keep you from going to those "certain" sites.  She is your mom and it sounds like she cares about your wellbeing.  You may not see it now, but you will someday.  

Answer 10

your mom is a crazy religious person!

and those kinda people are wrong about everything!

so you be friends with who you want, and do what you think is best. cuz no offence to your mom but you seem a lot smarter then she is...

and when parents say "because i said so"... that just means they like having control over you and want to make you miserable...

and that they have no real reason for telling you "no you can't do that"......

Answer 11

MY MOM USED TO BE THE SAME WAY WiTH THE OVERUSED

PHRASE "CAUSE i SAiD SO" NOW THAT iM GROWN; SHE ONLY

DONE iT FOR MY OWN GOOD. JUST TRY TO TALK TO HER AND TELL HER THAT HER TRUST FOR U SHOULDNT BE BROKEN UNTiL U GiVE HER A REASON NOT TO TRUST YOU.

GOOD LUCK.

Answer 12

While I think the relgious issue is unjust, there is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't keep the door open when you're on the net. It's a scary place and you're lucky enough just to have a computer in your room.

Answer 13

I think it's fair (maybe she could have discussed it with you better) but I am sure she has your best intensions in mind, maybe is worried about predators on the internet.

Answer 14

Well, she just wants you to keep your door open.  It's not like she's going to sit right next to you all the time so she can see what you're doing.  You'll still have privacy even with your door open.  It might just worry her that you're always locked up in your room while you're on the computer.  But if you don't have anything to hide, then you've got nothing to worry about anyway!  However, the thing about not being able to have friends who are not the same religion as you is unreasonable.  As long as someone has morals and is a good friend, it really shouldn't matter whether they are the same religion as you or not.

Answer 15

Parents have a responsibility to monitor their children's activities. That includes whatever is going on with you on the computer. I understand you haven't done anything to "deserve" this, but that is beside the point.

In your mother's house and on a computer you didn't buy with your own money,  your mother has every right to say how things will be monitored. Once you are old enough to be out on your own and support yourself is when you can demand your privacy be respected.

Answer 16

Life isn't "fair" and you can't make your own decisions until you turn 18 she's doing it for your own good to protect you.

Answer 17

no offense but she sounds like a control freak

if you never go out and life and meet people what are you going to do when your 18 and meet the big bad world? you will have no experience and are going to have a really tough time