Do you think when you continuously relive your pain from the past you do not do it to be strength but because ?

Question

you are bitter?

Answer 1

you relive it to protect yourself from future harm.  I'm not saying its rational, but I do think that is what the human body does.  "remember this so you can see it coming next time."

Answer 2

Inner pain has to be dealt with in a fashion similar to grief. There are several steps people go through to finish the grief process.

1.  You have to feel the pain and allow yourself to express it.

2.   Anger. It is natural to get mad/bitter over what happened.

3.   Acceptance. You cannot change what happend, and you have to live with what happened. Find ways to cope--different for different people.

4.    Letting go. As long as a person holds onto their pain or anger, they cannot move forward.

I would recommend you read some books on grief and they will help you.

Answer 3

I`m one of those who tend to forget pain, and concentrate on living, and loving.

Answer 4

Wow.... cavassi had an excellent answer.

It sure seems the issue here is "moving on," isn't it?

peace regards respects

Answer 5

This question fits today so perfect.  I have struggled with compulsive eating my whole life practically, and I am sick of it.  But everyone once in a while, or every d**n friday I relive my binging after a week of being perfect and happy and eating fine. I relive the pain, and I have no idea why I do this when I know it is going to cause me pain and relive past pain.  I wish I knew why us humans did this to ourselves.  But I think that we don't do it because we are bitter, but because we are fighting a battle inside and we want to be able to be strong and win.  So we face those situations that cause us pain, in hopes that we can conquer them.

Answer 6

I think when you are strong you stop reliving it. I think we make a decision to stop it & live in the present. At my spiritual center if you have had a tradgedy you are supported for a long time but if you are still living in the past for too long it is looked upon as being unhealthy. If you live in the USA & watched the coventions the past couple of weeks you could see too great examples. One of a person who is still telling the story from 50 years agon & another who wouldn't tell his story but the country needed to know it to know the man....Beau Biden son of Joe Biden told the story that they never forget but he also told the story of how they have moved on. They have taken the pain & accepted it & moved to the present. We have to stop re-living our pain or today will be that painful day every day. Today we are alive in this moment not what happened before. I coach people so they can set goals so eventually they do have a new life. Everytime we tell our story of the past we make it realy again today. This is not healthy. We have to learn from it & grow & move on...We can take advantage of others by telling our sad story. Look at how in the USA 1/2 the country is voting for a man because of his sad story. We are in debt over our head but they admire his sad story. This is being disrespect to people to play on their heartstrings. I have a tragic story & I tell in when a person needs it for their good. If I bring it up to get love & attention then I am going to be the victim for ever.

Answer 7

My experience is that people seem to want some recognition of their pain and they have spent so much time focusing on themselves, their pain, and protecting themselves from the pain, that they have failed to develop the social skills to move on from that point.  Soon "the pain" becomes their only friend and reliving it becomes their lifestyle and it is very hard to change your lifestyle or give up your only "friend".

To break out of this pattern, you have to be willing to drop the pain, but not completely.  You have to see it as a life experience, learn your lesson from it, but still remain open to new experiences and not judge every experience in light of the old one.  Eventually, you may learn the you have the skills to accept new experiences and you have the skills to cope with them, that you are stronger than you think and do not have to prevent further pain.  You are going to feel pain if you move one; I would not suggest that you won't, but you are strong enough to live through it and learn from it.  Right now you are trying to avoid more pain.  You can't progress in life avoiding things; you have to experience them, learn from them, and move on.  Living through more painful experiences and coping with them makes you strong, and makes living through them easier, not reliving the same one.  Reliving the same one could end up insulating and isolating you.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), ACT, and Cognitive Behavior Therapy have been effective psychological treatments for this problem.