Do you think working mums think they're better mums?

Question

I am a stay at home mum with a 10 month old, but the majority of mums I know are working though they could afford to stay home but choose not to. Because I stay home, they think (I'm not assuming - I've overheard them talking about it!) that I am lazy, and that they are better mums because they juggle work and being a mum. I accept that some mums have to work, and that's fair enough, but one of the mum sin question has 2 children - a 4 month old and 3 year old, and even though she is on maternity leave with the 4 month old, she still sends the 3 year old to nursery because she feels she shouldn't be left to look after 2 children alone for that amount of time! I choose to stay home because I want to be the one to raise our daughter, I want to see all of her firsts, instill her with our morals and give her love and praise, not a stranger. But it seems the 'working mums' don't understand this at all, and think their way is far superior. What do you think?

Answer 1

its good your there for your kid.

wouldn't yopu prefere to bring it up (sorry for saying it), rather than a stranger?

you don't know what its doing in the day unless your there.

Answer 2

im not a mom but my mom doesnt work and has been a stay at home mom since we were all born, and i am really grateful she doesnt work. luckily my dad earns enough to support us all, but that isnt the point. i think she does a great job. shes always there for us, has to clean and cook and do chores. i know its a lot of work for er and i guess i dont always appreciate it. working moms, sure they have to work and take care of their kids, but they're probably losing out on time with their kids.

Answer 3

No of course not.  Moms are meant to stay at home and take care of family (If possible.)

Answer 4

i would love to sit at home, clean, cook and watch tv and occassionally feed and play my son. unfortunately, i have to work.

reality: working moms are envious to have a man that can take care of the bills

Answer 5

I can understand single mums,who want to go to work,but the thing is that women were created to be moms and to take care of their children them selves and not any body else to do it for them. A woman job is in the house, taking care of her husband and take care of her children, that is their main job in life

Answer 6

I think that your a trouble maker, and ought to take a look in the mirror.

The only Mums I have seen be pathetically judgemental is SAHMs. The only time I see Working Mums get cranky is when they are having to defend themselves.

I find my self a better Mum, because I choose not to judge others. A few people on here, might need to take a leaf out of my book.

Answer 7

I answered a question like this a few months ago and the working mums were in uproar at the suggestion.

I worked fulltime after maternity leave with my second so I juggled a baby and a 3 yr old and work and house etc.... It was hard work and it made me feel like a super mum because I was doing it all. Last October I was forced to make to decision to give it up. I worked to give my family a better quality of life, not because I HAD to. I have found that staying at home is more of a challenge than going to work, kids have ways of pushing you both emotionally and physically! I loved working and cannot wait to go back but I think that just until they are both at school I would like to spend these few precious years with them as they are gone too soon but my memories will last forever and I know I will have no regrets. I am fortunate enough to be able to do this but some ppl have to work as you said.

In answer to your question tho, a working mum should have every right to think she is better than a mother who chooses to make a career out of her kids and the benefits she gets for them...... Shannon Matthews mum for example! I did as the taxes I was paying went towards supporting their lazy a$$es! Your friends shouldn't be looking down their noses at you like that. Who are they to pass judgement, how you raise your family is between you and your partner. Pay no attention, i'm sure you do a great job.

Answer 8

I have no idea why people continue with this like it’s some sort of competition. Because it’s pretty d**n annoying to see “a SAHM’s job is harder” just to find the next post state “Working Mom’s have it worse”. WHO CARES?!?

We’re all Mommy’s and are SUPPOSED to be on the same page. We all love our children and we all want what’s best for them. PERIOD!

I am a working mother and I find it offensive when ANY post regarding either “type” of mother comes through. I guess because I don’t understand why all the fuss. I bust my hump at work but that doesn’t make me any better than another person. I also am exhausted when I come home from work and I still have to cook dinner, do laundry, do the dishes, and play with my son before we prepare for bedtime, but again, I am NOT any better than any other person.

People do what they have to do for their families. People can criticize and complain all they want, but again, we’re all doing the best we can for our children.

My opinion….this “competition” is getting old.

Answer 9

there is no difference between working mums and unemployed mums ... Each person have a his own conditions !!

Answer 10

i was a stay at home mum, but while i was at home i ran an internet business and i still do..When my son turned 5 i went back into the workforce, and worked in a company for a year, but i was run off my feet.. As for others making snide remarks, trust me everyone has their own opinion and you will never satisfy them..and you dont need to.. Think of yourself and your family..  and just remember you are the one enjoying the quality time with your child.. so good for you.. Some women feel intimidated by the stay at home stereotype given by men hence why they feel they have to work.. When you look at the big picture whether your in the workforce or not ... MUMS are workers and we work bloody hard!!

Answer 11

Do not worry about what they think of you...

You know what's best for you and your family

Answer 12

Relax honey, its just a case of 'grapes being sour'...

Any working mum who thinks shes a better mum than a stay-at-home mum, obviously doesn't or can't have the choice to stay home & so to hide it, makes this silly excuse to make herself feel better.

i work but would love to stay home & see 'all of my little one's firsts' as you so aptly put it!

Enjoy your life...we get just one!

xx

Answer 13

I'm a working single mum. I work 28 hours a week, and my son is 7. I didn't go back to work until he was about 3 becuase I wanted to spend that time with him. I was living with my parents and didn't want to stay there forever, so had to go back to work. I think being with them at an early age is ideal, but some people just can't afford to do it. I do believe once the kids are at school, the mums should try and get some sort of work. Not just for the money, but for themselves. It's good to talk to other adults, and get out of the house and have your own identity instead of being "____mum". I don't think I'm superior, but I've done the best I could staying at home with him for as long as I could. I also think it's a good idea for the 3 year old to go nursery 1 or 2 days a week. It teaches them to socialize and gets them ready slowly for their school years (the solcialization and separation side of it)

But, this is only what I believe. There is no right or wrong thing to do. It all depends on your personal situation

Answer 14

yes i do

Answer 15

I dont see how their way is superior. If I could afford to I would want to stay home with my kids just as my mom did for me. Unfortunatly I can't. I think it's better for the child to have a parent at home as that gives more stability and you don't get to miss your child growing up.

Answer 16

I'm a working mum and I would never think I'm better than any stay at home mums

each to their own

what I don't like is snide remarks from people like you saying they prefer to raise their children rather than a stranger

Sounds to me you're the one that thinks you're better because you stay at home with them

Answer 17

Tough question, there are a lot of different types of people who stay at home and work while taking care of their children.

One thing's for certain... The people you've overheard calling you lazy for staying home and taking care of your child are full of ****. It takes a lot of courage for a woman to stay home and raise a child herself these days, and I find their self-sacrifice to be an inspiration. I would feel the same way for a stay-at-home Dad, so it goes both ways... but I think you are far from being a bad mother. Many women who work honor stay-at-home moms too, so they're not all arrogant pigs.

One argument I do understand against stay-at-home moms is  their level of risk. Although they are certainly doing their part in raising a family, they are at risk of ending up on their own in a bad situation should the provider leave... and that's hard to deal with. If they don't feel trapped in a relationship with the child's father, then it works out.

Answer 18

I dont think it's working mums or stay at home mums that think they're better, just a breed of insecure people that have to make comments to make themselves feel better.  I personally wouldnt care what people like this think.  Childcare and parenting is such a contentious subject that it is almost always going to lead to disagreement.

Answer 19

It's not normal for working mum's to act that way. It is a woman's choice whether you stay at home or go to work. I am not a mother myself but I feel that it doesn't matter either way as long as your child gets enough love and attention. Personally, I think staying at home with your children is good because it can really brighten up their childhood.

Answer 20

I think theres too much pressure on mums to go back to work, on here for example: when people ask a question and they say they stay at home with there kids, all they get is negative remarks from people saying they need to get a job and stop living off the workings taxes. Its comments like those that make mothers think there badly looked upon if they stay home with there kids. I bet a high percentage of working mums would rather be at home with there kids but sadly with people making snide remarks where ever you go about being lazy because you choose to stay at home less and less do and who suffers for it?! our kids, im sure they would rather spend there days at home with mum then crowded into a nursery. You spend a good part of your life having strangers dictate your life (nursery/school/college/work). kids should be allowed those first 5 years with there parents just to be kids. It use to be the norm why did that change?

Answer 21

Some do yes, i am lucky i only do part time evenings so my kids always had one of us at home but i wouldn't do it if i didn't have to and i don't think that makes me any better.

And before you start giving me thumbs down I HAVE TO WORK I DONT DO IT FOR FUN, just be because you can afford not to work don't knock the ones that have to.

Answer 22

Yeah i also have a 10mnth old daughter and just recently handed my notice in to work whilst still on mat leave...I was gonna go back but the thought of been away from my daughter killed me plus we can afford for me not to go back..Ive heard a different range of comments some people think im making my hubby do extra work when that isnt the case, some ppl are shocked when i say im not returning and others are like yeah go for it make the most of baby years. My mam and family are happy im taking my time to care for my daughter where as my hubbys family think im been selfish not to work!! Let ppl think what they want, i want to spend time with my daughter and thers no busier job than a mam..

Answer 23

I think different people do this in different ways. Perhaps shes finding it hard to be a parent coping with 2 young children and you don't, you enjoy every minute of it.

I think you are both doing well but i do agree that some mums working do think they are better mums - which isn't true.

Being a parent is really about money its about the love you give to your child. :)

Answer 24

I am now a grandmother but when I had my daughter I stayed at home until she was 7 and then worked part time, which I feel a mother should do, it is a full time job raising kids and I feel that working mums don't see the kids growing up, I'm not saying its wrong, its their choice. My daughter is a stay at home mum with 2 kids.

Answer 25

It sounds like you think you do it better.  To each their own.

Answer 26

like you, i stay at home with my 11mos old daughter, for very much the same reasons as you - i want to see her first, i dont want her passed about babysitters, we can afford for me to stay home etc. i am a great mum - no better or no worse than a working mum. and there is certainly nothing lazy about running a home and raising a toddler. im up at 6.30, and i dont relax till about tea time once dinner is done and the dishes are done then thats my time. as for your friend saying she shouldnt have to look after 2 kids for that amount of time - why did she lay down and have those 2 kids if she cant - or wont - cope with them. they are HER responsibilty.

Answer 27

i think don't care about other and you are doing the best think for your daughter even if you ever thought to work let you girl start school first then find a job

Answer 28

Do a job and do it well and if you spread yourself to thin you do them all bad.

Good for you Hon, your child is getting the best she can!

Answer 29

I dont know sorry x

Answer 30

I've done both so I don't feel anything towards whether a mom works or not. When I stayed at home I thought I was doing the best thing (and I was, for me and my daughter) and I had friends who worked right after having their babies. I didn't know how they could do it but I didn't judge them for it. I think they probably thought me very lucky rather than lazy! Now I have gone back to work, only part time, but I love it and feel my life is more balanced than when I wasn't working (not to mention the financial  freedom it gives) and one of those working moms is now a stay at home! lol

I don't feel better than her or that she's luckier. I've found what makes me happy and works for us, and so has she.

Answer 31

I think different ways work for different people. Working isn't better for everyone - but nor is staying at home better for everyone. And I do find it just a bit offensive when SAHMs say, like you did, "how dare she think her way is best when her kid will grow up raised by immoral strangers."