Do you think you can change your spouse after marriage ?

Question

some men/women believe they can change what they dont like in their partners after marriage .

do you agree or disagree ?

why ?

Answer 1

i disagree..that's a myth..

Edit: Hi hope :) maybe it's you who is reading my mind!

Answer 2

Disagree. Some people do change but to marry and think anyone will change is stupid. What you have before the marriage is most likely what you will have after the ceremony.

Answer 3

this is the no. classic mistake that ppl make when they get married.when u look away from things in ur fiance because you think u can/will change him/her after marriage.

i disagree with that,as u get married to a person at what,like 25? 28? i mean his personality is already developed and formed.

what i think is possible,if u accpe the person the way he/she is. but later u two start to develope spiritualy and islamically...that would be the best thing that u can do to each other.

but trying to changing things like he being cheap,or a liar...etc. is not possible.

Answer 4

Married people can sometimes 'change' to become more like each other in certain aspects.  This can be a superficial change - like taste in clothes or preferred ice cream flavours!

Or a much deeper change - like a shift in spiritual beliefs and ideas.  Spending so much time with another person means that this happens subconsciously.

Some partners are very ingenious at taking strategic steps to 'change' their other half and this can either have positive... or disastrous consequences.

In general, we can't answer such a question fully because it so depends on BOTH people involved and what it is that is to be 'changed'.

What I can tell you is that if you are embarking on a marriage with the intention of changing the other person - PLEASE FORGET IT NOW

Answer 5

Some things change in time , others you learn to live with !

Thank God mine learned how to cook after a year of torture ! lol

Nearly 37 years married & I've survived !

Answer 6

you can not easily change habbits accepted through long years before marriage you can only improve or devolep it only

Answer 7

disagree, before marriage is the best your spouce will be, after marriage they get worse... so if they are bad now wait until you are married. ha!

Answer 8

Well im not sure about that but eventually when they get to know each other after a while they both begin to change either worse or better.. my sister in the other hand 7amdulilah changed and became a better person when she got married.. but it all depends on the marriage..

Answer 9

Everyone is different. People need to learn to accept others for who they are. You can not change a spouse before or after marraige. Women always want to change a man. They shouldn't marry if they can't accept them for who they are. The older a person gets, the more set in there ways they become.

Answer 10

disagree.. cause "old habits die hard"

and if you love someone, you accept his bads before his goods..

you may make him notice the thing thats bother you to take care next time.. but CHANGE?? i dont think so..

Answer 11

I disagree. Why get married to someone from the sea of people whom you do not see eye to eye with?

besides a marriage is a pledge with god,  to accept a person for all you love & don't love about them

Answer 12

It's a myth !!

However..... when both married couples are still young, facing the same events in their lives and thinking about them together, brings their opinions and ideas closer and closer.

Edit: Kalooka stop doing that, yr reading my mind.

Answer 13

Great question , thanks,

I think it depends on the person himself, also depends on how they both love each other, and love their kids, I mean if the father really love his kids, he will quit smoking,

And if the woman love her husband and she is fat she will try to do her best to make him happy (He will be happy for her , not for himself if he really loves her)

But there are things which is hard to change, If the person doesn't pray since he was a kid, it will be hard for him to pray after that,

But everything depends on the strength of their relation and love, and the person himself/herself.

Answer 14

I think those marriages are the ones that end in divorce.  If you don't love the person EXACTLY as they are when you marry them, you are doomed.  I think people constantly change through life, I am not the same person I was when I met my fiance 4 years ago (and neither is he).  However neither of us have tried to change the other, just natural evolution of personalities.

Answer 15

It is important to know that people in general don't change. Once they have a habit that has been with them for over 20 years, it is difficult to discard it.  Some people try to change to please a partner, but unfortunately what is there is there and it takes real will-power & sacrifice to change. And in these cases it is usually a temporary change. When choosing a partner one has to know that the choice of the character and behaviour and traditions is there to stay.  "S/He'll change after marriage" is just a great myth, unless sthg drastic happens to disillusion him/her in one aspect of his/her personality.  Otherwise, I don't believe that you can change a spouse after marriage.

Answer 16

Yes!....My husband and I both changed some manners and behaviors since we were married to help each other get along in daily life better....and some of the issues were not so small....but the person who will change, has to be willing and not be defensive about it....and the person requesting the change has to be patient and gentle and then also has to trust that this person is making a good effort. But also

Some things about another person cannot be changed. We just have to accept that part of who they are if we love them.

Also it really matters in this case how good you can communicate with each other right? My husband and I had to figure out better and clear ways to say things (not talking about languages), before either of us were willing to change much.

And also I have to say that i think people who resist and prevent change of themselves in marriage are the ones most likely to divorce or be unhappy...

all relationships change

Answer 17

I have to disagree with most of the above answers !

Yes, I think we can change. And my personal experience proves this.

It doesn't come from your will to change your partner though, it comes from you yourself willing to change for him/her.

Everyone has a weakness or something that he is not so good, when you find that the person you love doesn't like this thing you do whatever you can to change yourself to the better so you can be as good as your partner want.

I have changed many things for my wife and she did also for me.

It is mainly about changing some of your not so good character to the better. and it works, believe me.