Do you think you should pick your child's friends?

Question

My 7 year old daughter is friends with this girl from our neighborhood named Janine. This little girl is a nightmare even though she is only 7 years old as well.

It started last year when she was outside playing with both my daughters. She bit my eldest daughter in the arm so bad that my daughter's teacher thought a dog mauled her. When I went and told Janine's mother, she didn't even apologize, offer to pay for her to get medical treatment, nothing!

Now my youngest was lucky enough (sarcastic) to get Janine in her class this year at school. The teacher only has problems with this girl.

Every single day Janine follows us home from school (I walk and pick up my daughters). As soon as my daughter is around this girl she starts acting like her. Getting loud and not listening to what I am saying.

It is kind of hard to tell her not to be friends with Janine. But, honestly I don't want her around this kid.

If you were me, what would you do?

Answer 1

You need to ignore it, but moitor it. If you ask her to stop seeing her that would be her chance to defy you and what you stand for. The more you ask her to stop seeing her new friend the more she will see her. Perhaps even speak to the teacher to address your concerns and ask her to keep and eye out for it.

You need to look at this from the other side of the coin. The best thing to do is to encourage her to be friends with children who have the good qualities that you like and contstantly giving positive feedback "Look at Laura she is helping her mummy with the shopping, just like you do, isn't that good" etc. etc.

It wont work overnight but give it some time and then see if is working.

Answer 2

I would tell her that she is not allowed to hang out with this little terror.

You need to nip this in the butt asap. That little girl is a bad influence and shouldn't be around your children, or anyones children for that matter.

As for the bite, i would have sued her mother for that.

Just tell your daughter she is not allowed to be friends with her.

Answer 3

I don't think it's quite as easy as just telling your daughter that she can't be friends with this girl. That's not really fair...Still, I can't seem to find a compromise here. Good luck with your predicament.

Answer 4

i would try to explain to my child that the little girls is not being so nice and that she can still be friends with this girl when shes nice to others your little one can try and help her learn whats wright or wrong.

if it gets out of hand you may need to step in.

Answer 5

Yes I think you should pick your childs friends.  It is best for children to stay away from bad influences.  Not necessarily pick who they will be friends with but, who they may not be friends with.

Answer 6

She is only 7 if you don't show her what friends are good to have who will when she is 17 and hanging out with cutters. I would absolutely not let her hang out with her in fact I would take her out of that class or even the school if need be. That little girl has major issues maybe even an illness, to ignore that could cause harm to your daughter and it is obvious that Janine's mom could care less.

Answer 7

I would just not let her play with this little girl.  Tell her she can't and tell her why.  As her mother, you have every right to chose who she plays with, especially if they are bad for her.  Kids need to learn from a young age how to make appropriate friends otherwise they always get mixed up with the wrong kids if you allow this.  As a mother of 3 i don't see a problem with this at all.

Answer 8

Generally No, you shouldn't pick your childs friends... since they need to explore making relationships... but when the safety of your child (both mentally and physically) comes into the equation, it's your duty as a mommy to step in.

She bit your daughter, and it's not like the Mom was willing to deal with it and try to make things better. It could very easily happen again. That's not a chance worth taking. I'm sure your daughter doesn't want to play with a bully anyway.

Answer 9

Our neighbors kid is a lot like this.  the kids had all played together for years and then last summer it got to the point one of my kids was always getting kicked in the stomach, hit with bats, she even had my 8 year old down on the ground standing on his head and hitting him with a stick.  I went and spoke to the mother and she turned it around that it was my sons fault because he told her to go home and she got mad.  So we stopped the kids from playing together for a week to give the girl time to calm down the next week they were playing again and she picked up a baseball bat and hit my 10 year old daughter(9 at the time) with it and broke her jaw.  Again when the mother was confronted it was our child fault so that time around we told her we did not want her daughter on our property or around our children and if she continued to do it we would have no choice but to call the police.  The witch went to an attorney and filed charges against us for threatening her child. Yes it all got dropped and within the next 6 months every parent in the area had banned the child from their home, the school had kicked her out and the mom was still blaming everyone else.  As a parent I do not believe in telling my kids who they can and cannot be friends with but when it gets to the point their well being is in danger then yes you have to stand up and tell them no.  your daughter is at an impressionable age and what she is learning now will stick with her.  You can not stop her from being around her at school but you can put a stop to it at home.  be honest with your daughter and tell her that the way the child behaves is not appropriate and you will not tolerate it from your own kids much less someone elses.

Answer 10

I am having the same problem with a boy in my son's class.  If you don't stop her from being friends with this girl she will begin behaving like her around the clock.  Chances are good that other children will veer away from becoming friends with your daughter as well.  Try and invite some new girls over to your house for your daughter to play with.  It's definitely in your best interest to stop this girl from damaging your daughters future...

Answer 11

Since your daughter is still 7 and somewhat young, I suggest you pick her friends but not on high level.  This Janine neighbor girl that you mention truely sounds like a nightmare.  I say you remove your daughter away at once because bad habits pick up quite quickly at a young age of 7.  

Picking your daughter's friends doesn't mean going to school and point such and such is appropriate.  Picking her friends mean knowing that she's around good kids, not the ones that scream in a fit, disrespecting the parents.

I believe your daughter is picking up bad things from this other girl.  From your story, Janice's mother doesn't seem to fit the responsible guardian/parent type.  Medical bills should've been paid I and I believe that this reflects Janice's own family behaviors.

Tell your daughter that Janine is actually a monster that loves human flesh. LOL !!

Your daughter is possibly trying to impress Janine since Janine fits the tough girl type that pushes other girls around..

I say reward your daughter with a small treat if she doesn't hang out with Janine.  Tell your daughter that Mommy wants a girl that respects her parents and that bad kids do not receive gifts from "Santa CLause."

Answer 12

I think at 7 you could be able to control the amount of time your daughter spends with this child. You can't make her not hang around her at school. However, let the teacher know about the incidents that have occurred at home. So, the teacher is aware and can monitor their interactions. The worst part about all of this, is that as they get older, (mine are teens and preteens), we have less and less control over who they choose as friends. We can't be with them 24/7. However, even now, I ask who, what, when and where, when they want to go somewhere. Just talk to your daughter and explain to her why you don't want her to spend time with this child. Maybe even suggest she tell the other girl, that she is not being very nice and if she can't be nicer, then she doesn't want to be around her. Best advice, I think, is keep a watch on her when you can and arm her with good advice to use when this child is around her and you can't be. Good luck to you, hon. I know what it feels like, only on a higher level now and bigger troubles with teens to worry about. You'll do the right thing. You're a good mother for asking advice and caring about her enough to want to do the right thing.

Answer 13

Hello love, How are you doing? Well, I know what you are going through with. I went through the same thing with my daughter at the same age..Look, I am going to be strait with you, in a situation like this, you have to show some discretion.This girl is a bad influence on your daughter, which in turn is causing problems in your house hold. I know from experience that the reason this girl is hanging around your daughter is because she See's how YOU are treating your daughter, and this is EXACTLY what she is missing from HER home. I was know for cooking ,so I would feed children all the time. I knew that I could not give them money, but I could make sure that they went home with a full belly. You have to put your foot down. Tell your daughter that you no longer want her to play with this little girl, and that she is no longer aloud in your home. Explain to her why this must happen, and always remember..."YOU ARE THE PARENT FIRST, NOT HER FRIEND, AND WHAT YOU SAY IS THE LAW" period! trust me, she will get over it faster than you think. Also, remember this, that little girl is not getting the love and attention she NEEDS from her own environment at home, that is the reason she is hanging around your daughter, and your family...There is always a reason for everthing... Good luck, and blessings to you... please let me know how things turned out ok... [e-mail]

Answer 14

What a hard predicament.  I have a similar problem with my 4yr old she is mates with a little boy at nursery who is quite honestly evil!!  I know when hes been at nursery as she comes home aggressive and has even swore, I just tell her that it isnt nice to be like that and she wont have many friends if she copies him and that she should try and teach him to play nice.  If I was you and this girl was following you home and playing up then  I would tell her that if she carries on then she cannot walk with you, I would make my daughter hold my hand and tell her that when she can behave around Janine then she can let go, but while she is playing up she must hold your hand.  I actually walk a different way home to avoid this boy as his mother thinks he hilarious when he swears!! Is there a way you could avoid her, so you are not saying your daughter cannot play with her you are simply removing her from your company?

Answer 15

I would make her stay away from my child!

You shouldn't pick your child's friends for her, but you should definitely draw a line on what is unacceptable.

That family is ****** up apparently. Don't try to "talk" to her. Just avoid them.

Answer 16

I have a 9 year old daughter and she had a "friend" in the neighborhood that was the same way.  After my daughter was hurt by this other little girl emotionally several times, I told my daughter she could not play with her anymore.  I think you should do what is best for your daughter and tell her that she cannot hang around with such a negative little child.  Unfortunately, it sounds like she is a product of a mother who doesn't give a hoot what she does or how she behaves (misbehaves).  You have to put your daughter first and let other parents worry about their kids.  (that is what I would do.)

Answer 17

i wouldn't let her play with the girl she obviously bad news! safty comes first.