Do you think your older child has a right to refuse to baby sit ever and ALWAYS?

Question

I asked a question on here earlier about how a lady I work with was complaining that her daughter (age 14 or 15) was refusing to babysit her little brother (age 4) even if the mother offered to pay. The daughter said that she didn't choose to have a child and has her own life, so why should she have to baby sit? The mother then said that she grounded her and forced her too anyway.

I said I agreed with the teenager. Most people also said they agreed with her, but always added in, "I'd never expect them to baby sit constantly, but maybe once in a while..."

Okay, but what about EVER? I'm married, 25, no kids and had my tubes tied. I've never liked children. So, when my 5 year old niece needed babysitting when I was 15, I always refused no matter how much money they tried to throw at me. I made it clear that I would never baby sit unless it was an emergency.

So, what parent here would accept that their older child REFUSES to baby sit?

Answer 1

I have seven kids and I would NEVER force the older ones to watch the younger. I would ask, and if they said no, I would respect that (I might be upset, but I'd respect it and find another option)

Fortunately we have a good relationship, and my oldest has watched one of the younger kids if they were busy at home and didn't want to go to the store or something. Sometimes I've asked, sometimes he's offered without me even asking.

Answer 2

My children are young, but I don't think that I would ever ask my oldest to watch my youngest.  She would probably be more than happy to though, she likes to dote on the little one.

Answer 3

Nah sorry - I expect my children to contribute to the family, and if that means my daughter (when she's older - she's only 9 now!) has to keep an eye on her little brother, then that's what she'll do!

I have to do a lot of things for her that I am not particularly fond of, so she can suck it up and show me the same respect.

Answer 4

Ground that teenager and put her behind to doing some actual work. Pull the weeds, hand wash the dishes. Something. There are way to many lazy children who only want to be a part of the family around Christmas time and birthdays. My children learned that we all work together and quite simply, you help out here it will pay off in the long run. s***w the lazy children. Who runs the freakin' house anyway?

Answer 5

Yes, Some teenager felt that they do not responsible to babysit their youngest sister or brother.

Best way, parents can pay teenager for babysitter. The teenager will accpet it. Girls love shopping.

Answer 6

I agree with you.  And maybe its selfish of me, thats why I tried my best to talk my mom out of having a baby when I 17.  She ended up not being able to get preg, but I was the one that would have been sitting with the baby til they got home from work and we all knew it.

And the thing is, how do you fight something like that?  Youre a minor, if you dont do what your parents ask you are going to get in trouble.  If you offer to do it once, youll be expected to do it all the time...

Answer 7

I don't see anything wrong in  refusal to babysit, even with pay.

I do love children but if you don't want to babysit you shouldn't have to.

Answer 8

i agree 100% with you.

I would never , and will never, force my child to babysitt in the future.

there other ways to help out around the house and watching somebody elses kid is not one im very fond of.

Answer 9

I'm 15 and I babysit for my parents frequently. I don't always like it, but i do it anyways. My parents have four kids, and I'm the oldest by almost nine years. I do take it upon myself to help my parents alot, because our house would be very chaotic if we didn't work together. I don't always get paid for babysitting, but I am very privleged. I pretty much get whatever i want, and i have nice clothes and nice things, so I'm not really bothered  by babysitting or helping around the house. I would never think to tell my parents  "no" to doing something. I think thats actually pretty selfish. Your parents do all that they can for you. They raise you, they buy you things, why not give back a little? But, that's just my opinion. :) Also, when I'm ready to have kids, I will know at least somewhat to expect and how to deal.

Answer 10

My children do not and will not refuse to do anything. It is not an option. I do not agree with them having to keep their siblings all the time but sometimes does not hurt them. They are part of a family and sometimes you have to do what the family needs. A 14 you have the life that your parents allow. I would have forced her to anyway. Our oldest child has babysat the younger ones and it was planned in advance and everyone knew what was going on. If he had other things going on he did not have to.

Answer 11

Part of being a family is helping each other out. While I would never expect the oldest child to babysit for free, or always on demand, I would expect them to babysit a couple times a month for money.

Children don't like to empty the dishwasher or pick up their toys. That doesn't mean they don't HAVE to. Kids need to help out around the house, and being the older sibling often gives you the job of helping with the younger ones.

Answer 12

It sounds like you made it clear to them that you, an adult, do not want to baby-sit their kid. They should respect it even if they don't like it.

Answer 13

I don't agree with forcing the older sibling to babysit a younger sibling.  You shouldn't have kids just so you can raise them to watch the other kid(s).  My mom would ask my sisters and sometimes they would say yes and other times they would have things to do and say no.  My mom would never make them cancel their plans just to watch me.  Of course usually if my mom would say "I will give you $20" they would jump for the chance.  I can see wanting them to babysit in cases of emergency but my exhusbands mom would actually make him stay home from school to take care of his little sister sometimes.

Answer 14

I would never expect my child to watch a younger sibling, unless it was for the smallest amount of time - Like running outside to check the fuse box or hanging the washing out.

Like you said I had them, they are my responsibility. If the baby sitter cancelled, I am the kind of Mum that would be happy to stay at home with them all.

For a true emergency I take the kids, until I find care. Too many things they could kill themselves on here on the farm.

Answer 15

A lot of times older children already feel left out because of there younger sibling making them do something is going to add more resentment its not right and i would never do that to my children unless it was an emergency and they were the only one there and in that case i would hope my child would understand...

Answer 16

My older child refused to babysit her young sibling.  I never made her because I didn't want her to be angry and resentful toward her brother.  

The few times she did watch him ~ I asked, she agreed and I paid her.

Answer 17

I totally understand. Its not the oldest child's responsibility to take care of the young children. Like you said, they have their own lives. The younger children should go to a babysitters, not be in the care of the oldest child.

Answer 18

I didnt think that they would tie your tubes unless you had more than one kid? just wondering....anyways...I have refused to watch my younger sister, but my mom will make me, but not always, mainly it is just a "you need to keep an eye on your sister while I am gone" but my mom doesnt do it often, so I guess it doesnt matter....in fact I got into trouble not long ago, and i swear i heard my mom tell my sister to "keep an eye" on ME while she was gone!!!

Answer 19

Well, here is my thinking. If my kids were several years older (14 and 10 or something) and I asked the 14 year old to keep an eye on 10 year old while I ran to the store or gym and on top of that offered to raise that weeks allowance and they refused- I would be ticked!

Living in our home means everyone pitches in. I'm a SAHM and my children are quite spoiled with my time and attention and love and if they can't help out - then I've done something wrong. Pitching in, helping out, or watching a younger sibling every so often will not harm or inconvenience a teen. come on!

I would tell my child that I will take their unwillingness to help out in consideration at our next trip to Abercrombie/the next time they need a ride to a friends/the next time they want that new game etc! I do not tolerate spoiled children that refuse to help out in a natural balance of the family after all I do for them. Sorry.. wouldn't have it.

Answer 20

I'm 13 and always am asked to babysit, although I have almost no choice. I JUST started getting money for it because it's a really tough job.

Sometimes my parents will throw something in with it. Like I could invite a friend while babysitting. That is always fun! Put the kids down a little early. Then have the house to yourself!

Answer 21

Babysitting for a cousin, aunt, friend, etc...NO

Babysiiting a sibling....YES....not 24/7

but that's family....close family....and it dosent matter what kind of "plans" the teen has, family comes first!

Answer 22

I would hope that the mother child relationship would be based on a respect that would preclude the refusal. By that I mean that the mother would not "USE" the 14 yr old but once in a while ask and that she would gladly do it to help out. I think they must have more problems than just the babysitting one. I also wouldnt want a child who was so adamantly opposed to babysitting her brother taking care of him since she obviously wont be watching him very well.  

by the way good for you for knowing in advance you dont like children , unlike so many on this site who find it out too late.