Do you treat your kids and step kids the same?

Question

I need help i have a 3 yr old step son who doesn't listen to me it has gotten so bad that his mother is now taking him while my husband works because i don't want to punish him then he'll hate me. My children no my boundaries and knows when to stop i've been with his dad for two years now and i'm at my witts end. Please help me.

Answer 1

well basically yes... but since its your new husbands child you must first be able to let him know his boundaries, and we must remember that we were children once and that would be one of the key to solving this problem his a child and he's suppose to act one... but we can slowly give him discipline in a way that he will not respect you because of fear but respect you because he Love's you, just keep it in mind that patience is a virtue... stand up and be a supermom, show him that you love him just the same that you love your children and treat them equally, show them care and the love they need and deserve...

Answer 2

if i were you, i would seek for professional help. its not late to start noticing a negative pattern in his behavior if any is going to be present. and this is the best time to fix it

Answer 3

You need to step up and be the adult.  Let him throw fits because you put him in timeout.....eventually, he will get the hint and so will your children...that you will not be a doormat!  The boy is only 3years old, so it is not too late to instill some boundries and expectations at your home.  By taking him to his mother's shows weakness on your part and he will manipulate that till Jesus comes!!!!   Your husband also needs to be proactive and supportive as well as his ex-wife.  Continuity between your two homes is imparitive when it comes to discipline and routines.  

Not every blood child loves there parents 24/7 for life!  So do not expect a step child to either!  It is not your job to make him like you.  It is your job to be a parent!  Eventually, as he grows up, he will learn respect for you because you gave him what he needed: Boundries and support!

Answer 4

Come on, he's 3. He's supposed to act out and he wont hold a grudge. And since you are helping to raise him you need to be comfortable disciplining him as if he was one of your own kids. So, yes you should treat him the same.

Answer 5

You need to be a parent, not his friend. 3 year olds are boogers sometimes and little angels other times. Take him someplace were you can bond with him. But don't forget you own children, take the whole family to a park or some place family oriented (not the beach or anywhere else crowded) and make it so your affection is a prize.

And if all else fails, stickers: if a child does a good deed, they earn a sticker. @ the end of the week if they have 5 stickers the get a prize (like choosing the flavor of ice cream @ the store, or picking the movie the family watches). If the child gets 10 stickers the prize might be something of a higher value in their eyes.

NEVER GET THEM A NEW TOY FOR A PRIZE!!! This makes the good deed all about getting that new toy.

Treat your kids as you treat your step son, and vies verse. Always have your kids supporting you and try explaining every now and then your actions.

Answer 6

You're gonna hate this, but...

The real danger is that he causes your own kids to become hooligans as well.  The dynamic changes and then the stable happy household you built is ruined.

You will need to find a firm and secure way to communicate with him, and isolate the problem when possible.

Watch your regular kids for signs of his behaviour, and talk about it.

No two kids are treated the same, they are individuals, step children are no different.  It is important that you are fair though.  Treating all kids the same is in fact unfair; think about it. NCLB

It would be cheating him, to allow him to grow up without bondaries.  It is a recipe for failure in life. He may hate it but you need to establish rules and regulations.  Be creative in your punishments and reinforcements.

I feel for you, good luck.  Make sure your husband is a part of this solution.

Answer 7

i have a stepdaughter who is five, and one girl who is three and twins that are 1.  i know exactly what you mean about the behavior.  she won't listen to me either, back sasses me, and deliberately does something after i ask her NICELY not to.  i've noticed that my oldest daughter mimics her actions after she visits on the weekends, during the week, etc.  it has gotten better lately, so maybe it's just the "age" issue.  but her daddy has helped by telling her "you need to listen to holly.", etc.  just be patient.  i'm sure he is testing your limits/boundaries.  good luck!

Answer 8

your rules are your rules in your house they do as you require

put your foot down

now before too late

the child may hate you for awhile but will soon realize you set limits because you care

keep up what u are doing and the whole house will fall down

sit every one down exlain what you need from them and exlain the unishment if they do not abide

if you have a relationship with the mom ask her to help

a blended family is never easy but the kid is 3...take control

a mom of a blended family 4 his 1 mine 2 ours now all together

lots of luck