Do you wish you hadn't been adopted ?

Question

No matter whether you love your aparents or not, no matter whether you had a wonderful upbringing

I just want to know whether or not you wish that you hadn't been adopted..

Right now in this moment in your life do you wish it hadn't been so.

I know it cant be undone, and I know that you may not have the things you have today etc...

I just want to know whether you wish you hadn't been

I LOVE My Aparents. I Love my Life as in I am married , have two beautiful children,successful, have many material things..

So I wouldnt not want to have those in my life

BUT I do wish I hadn't been adotped.

Adoption is Sad. Yes on one hand its happy for the adopting parent (although for most there is a sadness there as well, they can not have their own biological child and that must hurt)

But on the other hand adoption is plainly an simply SAD. It is all about Loss no matter what way you look at it.

Loss and Rejection

And they are the things that haunt me the most. That is why I wish I hadn't been.

Answer 1

Actually I am glad I was adopted. My life would have been c**p if I hadn't been. I have never felt any loss or feelings of rejection. Well maybe the loss of not knowing my brothers (but not even much there), but no loss as far as parents. The only feeling of loss I have for my parents is the fact that they are both gone and I miss them terribly. For me I have only one set of parents the ones who loved and raised me. I know not all or many feel as I do but it's how I have felt the majority of my life. The only time I really felt any different was when I was a teenager, but that soon past. I think the only thing that has ever really bothered me is wondering how my first adoptive so called mom could have abused 3 helpless children the way she did.

Answer 2

No I dont wish I was never adopted. Not everyone gets on with family, adopted or not. I think it depends on your situation. Adoption is a loss, but I fail to see the rejection side of it. I wasnt rejected by anyone even my birth mother. If I had been rejected then I dont think I would be in reunion right now. Whos to say that any adoptee would have had a better life staying with their birth mother? But then again whos to say they wouldnt either? I think its a 50/50 thing. Something that no one can ever predict. You cant change anything nor can you see into the future. I am one for just taking whatever life throws at me.

Answer 3

sometimes cause then if i fight with my parents i can say ur not my mother or father also

Answer 4

I wish I WAS adopted. Seriously. Life would have been so much different, and in my case, it would have been for the better.

Answer 5

Yep - there are times when I wish I wasn't adopted.

I think it's the confusion of emotions that are the worst.

It's so bloody complicated.

I love my a-family like crazy - but missed growing up in the family that I looked like, acted like and had talents like.

There is relief for me since I finally found my first family and now know the reasons behind my adoption - but then added grief - since I now know what I missed out on - and know that those bonds can never be the same as with normal bio families.

There is sadness that my adoptive family feel threatened by my wanting a relationship with my first family. (it's simply not about them - but they'll never truly understand that)

There is sadness that so few really 'get' the whole dynamics of what it feels like to be an adoptee.

And for those that say - you should just get over it - well - counselling basics tells of the need for people to be 'heard' first and foremost - before being able to move forward with life's problems. (knowing that you're being understood is a very powerful thing)

If only people could just listen - without all the judgments - now that would be healing!

I'm so sorry you're hurting so badly right now AJ.

Hugz.

ETA: I also feel sad that I was adopted - simply because my mother wasn't married (my father proposed - but her mother sent her away - they married after my birth) - but then 12months later - my a-dad died - and I was essentially raised in a single parent home.

THEN - my a-mum died of cancer when I was 18.

Meanwhile - my first parents married - went on to have 3 more kids - and I've not been allowed to know any of them my entire life.

Yeah - adoption was really good in my case - NOT.

I believe it is good for those that really can't be parented by their bio parents.

BUT if decisions are made on false information - or via coercive practices - then it's not fair on the child to have to live a life that really shouldn't be.

JMHO

ETA2: now I've really read it all - an adoptee is so brain-washed by their adoptive parent (who is always on a crusade against abortion) that they say - verbatim - what their adoptive parent would have drilled into them. "Yes - mummy - I'm so glad I wasn't aborted." UGH.

No one should EVER have to be grateful for being relinquished and adopted. EVER.

Anyone with half a brain would know that most adoptees always say what they know their adoptive parents want them to say. derrrrrrrr.

Adoptees live to please - or they might just be rejected one more time.

Answer 6

I know I don't know you. but in your statement you kind of seem to look for perfection. People that love you are going to hurt you. sometimes it might be intentional or not. But that is what life is involved with. I was actually adopted, but there has never been a thought in my mind of "whether i haven't been" life is full of choices and trials In hard times you just have to be strong and be thankful you are alive

Answer 7

I have never wished that I was not adopted. In fact if I could go back and pick what family I wanted to live and grow up with. I would pick the family I have right now.  

I have never felt loss over being adopted. Nor have I felt rejected for being adopted my birthmother would have kept me if she could have, had she had support, if she had been able to take care of herself. Even before I knew that information I didn’t feel rejected.  

However being with her is not what would have been best for me. I needed a family that loved me for who I was, that was open to diversity. I have come across a few mixed raced people who have been ashamed that they are mixed raced. That may have been my fate had I stayed with my birthmother not from her but from her family.

Answer 8

jane....get over it.....lets just say....your real mom did the best thing she could for you.....maybe she couldnt take care of you, for whatever reason....you think it was easy for her?...maybe someday you and her will reunite, maybe not, if you cant forgive her....it will eat you up.....

pray to God to help you get over this milestone....sounds like you have the resolve to do this.....IMHO

Answer 9

Yes.  I should have been with my mother who very much loved and wanted me.  It's so sad what we have lost together because of the actions of others who thought they knew better, so so sad.

On the flipside, I would never have known my adoptive family, whom I love with all my heart.

Now I have all of them and you can never  have too many people to love.  It's just such a shame it had to be such a painful journey to get here.

Answer 10

I totally agree with you on your sentiments I also wish that I had not been adopted.If the parents that reared me were my biological parents there would not be all the unanswered questions that it looks like I will have to live with for the rest of my life.If they were my natural parents I would know my heritage instead of only knowing theirs.I would not have to explain to every medical professional that whenever they ask family medical history that I know absolutely zero and my children would know the same things.It feels like my family history has started with me and there was nobody here before me.Is this fair?NO!I am also an aussie adoptee and it is so frustrating at times when trying to find anything out as there is so much red tape in this country to cover things up.

Answer 11

this is why I have not been here in awhile- where are the people that say that adoption is a good thing-  granted not all adoptees can say that they are glad to have been adopted- but I cannot believe that there are so many unhappy adoptees out there. I am adopted and I have 2 adopted children- and I asked my son just the other day, if he wished that he had not been adopted-  he just met his birth mom last year- and his answer was ,"No, I am happy that I was adopted , I am very thankful that my birth mom loved me enough to not abort me."  May I ask you WHY adoption was so sad for you? If you had not been adopted, you may not be here, and you may not have met your spouse and had your 2 beautiful children. I will not say get over it, but learn to be grateful- if your Aparents loved you, and gave you a great life, be thankful, and if and when you ever meet your birth mother, thank her too.