Do your adoptive parents "get it"?

Question

Do they get what it is like to be an adoptee, at least do they understand what it is like to be an adoptee for you?

Answer 1

Well my adoptive mom was adopted herself so she understood.  I guess I got lucky that way!

Answer 2

It's hard to understand what it's like to be an adoptee unless you are also an adoptee.

So partially yes, partially no.

And I can't really explain the "partially" aspect without going into further private detail, which I obviously would not like to have to broadcast to the entire Internet.

But they do understand that I need my original parents and that I miss my culture and language very much, and that being in reunion right now is being happy and relieved and sad and frustrated all at the same time.

It's like a question I asked myself a few months back: How can something cause me so much happiness and yet so much pain simultaneously?

Answer 3

My mom did, I think. Can't really ask her since she died when I was 14 but I think she got it. My dad is starting to understand, he is a first father as well and his own reunion has given him a bit more understanding about adoption loss. Sadly he has chosen Kool Aid as his beverage of choice so I doubt he will ever really understand.  

Answer 4

Do they get it?

Enough. :)

Answer 5

No.

ETA:  I'll assume the thumbs down is from one of my adoptive parents?  I didn't know either of them were on here.

Answer 6

I do not believe the APs of my children "get it" at all. They have made no attempt (IMO) to look out for anyone's feelings or interests other than their own.

I am sorry I didn't look harder at them when I placed my children in their care. I know several APs who I would prefer to be raising my children than the "friends" I chose. (My mistake was not knowing enough about adoption to see the red flags.) Of course, if I could do it over I would never place them at all.

I am glad to know that there are so many APs who DO get it! It makes me feel a little better to know that there are GOOD APs out there who are doing their best to understand.

Answer 7

No at all - not one single bit - and they never tried.  

Answer 8

I think they try, but I still sneak into the file cabinets with my adoption info whenever they're out. I love them though, so I try not to act like I care about my bio family.

Answer 9

As much as possible, yes.

But it took over 20 years.

Answer 10

Yes I really do think that my parents got it. They were always honest and open about the adoption. I can't remember not knowing and I wasn't bothered about it so I guess they must have explained it to me in the right way (at least in the right way for me).They were always willing to answer my questions as I got older. My mom had even offered to help me look for my bio mom if I wanted to ( my bdad was already gone). I think they really understood in my teenage years when I had more questions and was rather rebellious. I think they knew that some of it was because of the questions I has having about the adoption. Don't get me wrong my parents were no saints, but when it came to the adoption part I truly thing they got it and if at times they maybe were struggling with my questions they still gave it their best shot to try to help me understand.  

Answer 11

no my a-parents don't get it...at all, but bless their little hearts they sure do try. my a-mom works really hard at remaining positive and open and excited about my reunion even though i can tell she feels threatened. i understand that it's uncomfortable for them, and they are super supportive, but no...they don't get it.

and phil, your response about having your a-parents here giving thumbs down cracked me up!