Do your students' parents ever ask you personal questions.....?

Question

I teach at a private school where the tuition is pretty high. For some reason, because the parents pay so much, they think everything that goes on in the school is their business.

I had a son two years ago, which is common knowledge among the parents at my school since I had to take maternity leave. Since I had my son, MANY parents have been inquiring about when my husband and I are having another child. I guess it wouldn't bother me so badly except that I lost a baby last year and have been trying to get pregnant with no luck ever since then. So many parents of my students have said, "Isn't it about time to give that little boy a brother or sister?"

I'm appalled at their audacity, but i haven't been able to think of anything to say back to them that expresses how rude I think their questioning is without being rude and unprofessional myself. As this next school year approaches, I know a whole new flood of questions will arise. Any suggestions?

Sorry if this was TMI.....

Answer 1

I'm sorry for your loss.  I understand that any such discussion may be very painful for you right now, but think about the assumptions you might have made before this happened.  Since you had one child, the parents probably assume that you and your husband don't have infertility problems, and it seems like a natural question to them.  They are just being friendly, not audacious or unusually personal.  You are just more sensitive than most to this.

I also don't think it has anything to do with it being a private school with high tuition.  I've had strangers at bus stops ask me if I had kids and, since I don't, why not!  Many people, especially those who are very family-oriented, see this as a community issue, not something intensely personal.  

You won't change them.  So your best bet is, instead of trying to make them think you are a crazy woman, to change your thoughts about their questions.  Instead of thinking, "How rude!", think, "Isn't it nice that they think so much of my ability to handle kids that they think I should have more kids!"  Then I would come up with an answer like, "Well, if I were in charge of the universe..."  That would make them realize that it may not be your decision, whether because of health or your husband's wishes or something else, and most people would back off then.

Answer 2

Yeah, but definitely not their business.

Answer 3

I am sorry to hear about your loss.  So hard.

This doesn't really help, but you should know that asking such stupid questions is not limited to parents of students.  Everyone thinks plans for more kids is just small talk.  You could just say something like

.. pause...I am sure I will let everyone know if I have an announcement to make... pause... change subject.

It might help if you have a bit of a script and default subject to change to.  that way you know right away what to say and it might be less painful.  

I hope this helps.

Answer 4

Hi, I sympathise with your problem as I have had similar situations.

The only thing I can suggest is that with this new year maybe you could endeavour to keep an even higher proffessional attitude during parent/teacher interaction and thereby try to eliminate the more personal aspects of those sessions. I know that it is easier to say than do but maybe by simply saying something like "I'm not sure that is relevent to this discussion." and then continuing with where you were in the discussion of their child's issues.

Being polite but firm, hard I know but certainly not rude.

Good Luck.

Answer 5

ok.. Yes, they ask and you need to say simply, it none of your business. Something like "my personal life is my life and I don't feel I need to share it with you.". Not really nice, but I think you get my drift. REALIZE, that some are trying to make "small talk". They aren't trying to be mean, they are just uninformed. The one thing you can do is throw the conversation back to them about their child. Start a list and you should be able to find an answer.

Answer 6

Just tell them it is none of their buisiness. I teach in China where the polite way to deal with questions like that is to just change the subject.

Answer 7

To be honest they may just like you and won't to be friendly having kids isn't something that random people ask other people they may think that yall have a connection some how and i doubt if they new you lost a baby they would be asking anyway. Just be friendly and tell them when the time comes you will have another.

Answer 8

Say, "We've continued to try to conceive after my miscarriage last year without success.  It's a painful and personal subject for me, but I can assure you we'd love to be blessed with another child."

You won't be able to change them, but say that to one or two parents, the word will spread and they'll stop bothering you.  I think that will get the point across for you.

I had the same problem until the parents found out that my son was autistic and now they make sure I know that they agree with my decision to not have any more kids.  (We are trying to have another!)  It's rude.  They act as though my gene pool is freakish and needs leashed in.

I'll pray for you to conceive.  Good luck.