Doctor wa asking questions about my sons father and who was a male figure in his life. Is it inappropriate?

Question

I took my 6 year old son in for his yearly checkup and during the exam the dcotor asked me if he sees his father very much. ( which the answer was no, we're divorced and he hasn't come to pick him up in 6 months.) and than he proceeds to ask me who the male figures are in his life. So I told him grandpa's and uncles. And than that was the end of those questions.

He's a happy boy, has no medical problems and no problems in school so it wasn't like he was worried about his health or happiness.

I feel like he was asking me these questions in a very judgemental and nosy and inapproriate way. Who is to even say that he needs male figures in his life, or why was he even asking, he didn't go anywhere with his questions or state anything, and aren't those personal questions that have nothing to do with anything with a happy healthy 6 yr. old boy.

The reason I ask is cause now I feel like switching doctors but I only have 9 weeks until my due date.

Answer 1

These are very appropriate questions for a doctor to ask, it tells him how your child is maturing emotionally. The question is why are you so offended by the question?

Answer 2

I agree with most of the responses in that the questions were appropriate. It's are not to say you aren't doing your job and being a good mom, it's to acknowledge that a dad is very important to a child also. Maybe the questions sounded degrading b/c you have a heightened sensitivity on the subject. It takes a village to raise kids whether you have 2 parents in the home or just 1. Don't be offended, he's just making sure your son is doing alright.

Answer 3

It is not only important for a doctor to determine a childs physical well being, but also his emotional. He was probably asking you those questions to see if you needed referred to anywhere to make sure you son has the proper role models in his life.

Don't be offended at all. Infact you should be happy that you have such a caring doctor.

Answer 4

It isn't unusual for drs to ask that kind of stuff. Physicals involve the emotional needs of the child as well as the physical stuff. All 3 kids have had the same dr since they were babies. Every year for the physical, they still ask if they are in a 2 parent home or if my husband and i are still together. Its just what they ask. It helps them understand everything about the child. Don't see it as being judgemental, see it as having a dr who is concerned about your childs well being.

The dr asked my 14 year old son at his last checkup if he knew how to brush his teeth properly.  My son said "Uh Yeah, I've only been doing it by myself since I was like 3. No cavities or nothing" Thats just what drs do.

Answer 5

why not just ask him why he was asking?

he would know better then any of us.....and maybe ur boy doesnt have so many male figures in his life. But, having a few good male figures you can trust is better than having too many that could increasing the chance for bad or detrimental male figures.

Answer 6

I don't think it's inappropriate at all. He was probably asking so he could make a decision on whether your son's reaction to him was normal or abnormal.

Remember, while I'm sure you love your son, he'll also get 6 year olds in there whose parents are abusing them. It's his job to ask slightly uncomfortable questions, because that's how he can figure out where things aren't right at home and which of the kids he sees need him to step in and protect them.

Answer 7

these sort of questions would help your doctor to get and provide a holistic view of your childs life. a doctor that cares and is generally interested in your childs health would ask these sorts of questions. if you are concerned make an appointment and ask the doctor yourself where he was going with these questions. it is very important for children espicially boys to have a positive male role model in thier life as it teaches them how males should act and behave in the community. children learn more through observation then anything else.

Answer 8

It's VERY appropriate, as well is IMPORTANT.

And I detect that you are in denial (or perhaps a feminist) asking "who's to say he needs male figures in his life?"

I think that you have a deep-rooted problem with men and I think it's with you, not the doctor. I commend the doctor, because not every one of them would be that thorough.

I am glad, however, that he's around his grand dad and uncles.

Answer 9

Spoken like a true man-hater.  Boys DO need male role models, mom.  Maybe gramps and uncles are enough for him.  But please don't try brushing it off that he doesn't need ANY, you who both males and females in your life but would deny them to your little guy.

Answer 10

he just whats to make a note of it in his charts that the child has good role models in his life

besides that is another way of them asking if the father has pasted on and if he has died then what from cancer etc that way they can keep an eye out for the childs health

so relax

my 1st child they asked me what i was feeding my 3 mth old and i said just breast milk  ok they said

then i went home and tried to read everything of what i should be feeding this baby  and yes it was either breast milk or formula but i thought i was doing something wrong

Answer 11

Any time your child's doctor makes you uncomfortable, there is a problem. You need to be able to feel comfortable with the person who cares for your child. If I were you I would call the doctor and ask why he was asking questions like that. Some doctors cross the line and if he doesn't have a good reason and you would feel more comfortable with a new doctor, trust your instincts. And its not a feminist view, its a mothers view. Women have successfully raised children without men for many many years. It all comes down to how you feel about your child's doctor. Trust your instincts.

Answer 12

Actually, I think your doctor was right to ask about issues that can impact your son's emotional health, as well as his physical well-being.  After all, your son has had a big upheaval in his life with his dad stepping out of the picture, and is due for another one in about 9 weeks!

And while it's great that your son is doing well now, it's possible that he'll struggle with issues as he gets older.  (My own dad died when I was a teenager; my brother was 3.  It comes up when you'd least expect it.)  Spending time with uncles and a grandfather can make a big difference.

My mother is about the strongest woman I know, and we come from a family of powerful, successful women.  But every child needs role models of both genders - whether they're parents, close relatives or friends.

But I understand why you're upset.  It can feel like you're being blamed for circumstances beyond your control.  I doubt that was your doc's intent - in fact, it may be uncomfortable to raise those issues.

Stick with your doctor a little longer.  If you still get an uncomfortable vibe, you can switch down the line.  But right now, you'd be in a time crunch to find a new caregiver - and might find someone less diligent.

Best wishes with your growing family.

Answer 13

Oh, of course not. The doctor is there to treat the whole person, not just the physical body. He needs to know what's going on in the child's life, because that can totally affect the body.

You probably were ultra-sensitive both because of the situation of not being with your husband, and because of your hormones, now. Chill.

Answer 14

I know this probably threw you off when he said it to you, but my wife and I learned to answer personal questions like that immediately, and ask why he or she wants to know! The doctor had no right to ask questions like that unless he is suspecting child abuse or neglect. Doctors are mandatory reporters for CPS.

Answer 15

I don't see him asking these questions as an intrusion of your privacy. You mentioned your 9 weeks from your "due date."  He is probably asking because here you are pregnant, possibly a single parent and thought there may be a program like Big Brothers/Big Sisters that could bennefit you.  Boys need a male roll model no matter who it may be.  You have access to the interenet, do some research on boys and male companions.

Answer 16

You need to feel comfortable with your Dr. Something similar happened to me. My child's Dr. made lots of comments that i felt had nothing to do with the HEALTH of my child. I found a new Dr. Best thing i ever did! I could understand if your son was having problems but you said it was just for his check up.

In fact it could have made your son feel bad, because he hasn't seen his dad!  Find a new Dr. that you feel comfortable with.  You will thank yourself. lol to you and your family :)