Doctors not worried by my sons behaviour?

Question

My son has just turned 5, but has been a difficult child from the day we brought him home from hospital... He always screamed for attention, food, when he was tired, etc as a baby, had numerous tantrums over the smallest things, and even now he cries and screams if he can't get his own way. He can be an absolute angel one second, and horrible the next. We charted his food and managed to isolate a couple of food colourings, flavourings etc that seemed to make him worse, but his overall behaviour stayed the same. He is VERY noisy and constantly chatters and shouts. He had had his hearing checked and is being monitored for a lazy eye (with glasses). I am more concerned though about his lack of empathy. When he hurts his brother he shows no remorse, and sometimes even laughs. He constantly fibs to pass the blame, even though he knows i have seen things happen. He pinches his brothers food if he has finished first, and hardly ever does as he is told. I am at my wits end! We tried reward charts and stickers but the behaviour seemed to get worse. If you threaten him with consequences like time out, taking toys away, etc, he either shrugs and ignores you,or he screams and shouts. By the way, i do my best not to give in! Doctor won't test for adhd, aspergers, etc But what could be causing his behaviour??

Answer 1

As it's the school holidays now you will need to wait a few weeks but as a teacher myself I advise you to arrange a meeting with your son's teacher and his previous class teacher a couple of weeks into the new term (as obviously the new one won't know him very well after only a couple of weeks) and speak to them about your concerns. Ask them for examples of things he has done at school that worry them. If they are concerned and you are concerned then they may be able to get an educational psychologist involved. Each area has one of these that work with a few schools, and they assess children and decide if other steps are needed. Some areas have special units which children can attend perhaps each morning and then attend their usual school in the afternoon, and these places work closely with children and their parents to focus on changing negative behaviour, and ed psychs have the power to refer children to these. Sometimes education psychologists won't get involved until children have been on Individual Education Plans (IEPs) for 2 terms without a lot of progress. If your child does not have an IEP then ask why not. They don't just have to be for lack of progress in work, they can be for behaviour as well. Arrange an appointment with the school's SENCo. Each school has one and it is their responsibility to track children with special needs, including behaviour difficulties, and ensure that their needs are being met. If you do have to wait for your son to be assessed by the ed psych then ask the SENCo or class teacher if they will write a letter for you to take to your son's doctor in the meantime expressing their concerns and how your son has not responded to things you and they have tried. I was very concerned about a child in my class (different situation, not behaviour but very poor coordination) and upon seeing the letter I wrote the child's doctor immediately arranged tests and specialists. I'm sure doctors see a lot of people who worry over the slightest thing, so yours may not realise what a difficult time your family is going through, so some actual examples of problems written down by someone outside the family will alert them that there really is something wrong. Also, it sounds horrible but the more fuss you make the more help you will get. My mum was a SENCo and she battled for years to get a little girl some one to one support in the classroom that she so badly needed as she wasn't anywhere near the same level as the other children. It was only after the mother broke down in tears in a meeting with the ed psych and started saying how she couldn't cope and was so worried that the ed psych said yes, now is the right time for this child to get extra help. My mum thought, funny that, surely at the age of 5 when she had more of a chance to catch up with the others would have been better than the age of 9! So keep on telling whoever you are meeting with how worried you are, in a polite way, and make sure you do everything they suggest, so that they know you really do want the help and are willing to work with whoever else gets involved in order to help your son. Good luck with everything xx

Answer 2

|I am a pediatric nurse and if i were your id fire that childs DR and get one that cares.....that is not normal for a 5 yr old....if you dont nip this in the bud now its GOING to get worse.....i see it EVERYDAY......he has symptoms of ADD.....i hate to say it  but he may need meds and there is nothing wrong with that.....i see kids allthe time that do sooo muchbetter and sometimes(older) kids thank thier parents for putting them on it..............in short....he needs further evaluation.....i can tell you are an intelligent parent and are doing all YOU can.....sometimes thats not enough.....your child is not doing this on purpose....food diarys are great but not always the root of problem........good luck and take care

Answer 3

He might just have a short consentration span, I suggest you try doing things in small doses, like thoughing a ball for about 3 mins, tyr and do something but finish it before he looks like he is getting bored, the more you interact the better, when you do need to tell him, explain why kneel down to his level to explain, try not to talk to hime whilst in the standing postion, if you do put him on the naughty step, explain to him why and they you must walk away no matter how much he shouts, he is shrugging and and laughs as he know this will get him attention. I also suggest when he does something good praise him

hope this helps

Answer 4

find a behavior specialist.  I've been through the EXACT same thing.  My son (he's 7 now) does the same things.  When he was five I cried all the time because of his behavior.

Just listening to your description I feel that something like AS (Autism spectrum) may be the way to go.  You can get these tested with a child neurologist.

I think a behavior specialist would be the best idea though.  If you don't know where one is, call your pediatrician and ask.  If they refuse to refer you, go to a new doctor.  

Good luck on all this....I hope your journey is easier than mine.

Answer 5

children are brats, its part of the deal when you sign up and stop using contraception.  

Answer 6

I would tell your doctor that you want to test for ADHD or ADD.

your sons behavior is very similar to my sisters when she that age and was only diagnosed  with ADHD when she was 6. you as a parent have the right to check for all possibilities. Hopefully it'll be something he will grow out of.

Answer 7

be assertive with the doc and ask for a referral to a psychologist

Answer 8

I do not have children.  I have taken care of them, however on and off for many years, still I won't advise you from my own experience.  

I will tell you what I learned from one very young mother.  When I began reading your question, I thought it was she, but her child was a little girl.

Mother dropped daughter off one day.  Mother had a bruised eye and a torn ear.  This from her earring being torn out.

All I did was look at her and she fell into rivers of tears.  She called into work and stayed with me part of the morning.  I didn't advise her much, just listened to her.  As we sat there, daughter came up, hit me, then tried to slap mother.  I wasn't quick enough to stop her hitting me, but I did grab her in time before she could slap Mother.

I walked her over to the couch, sat her down for time out where she sat until her time was up.  Mother just looked at me and said she could never get her to do that at home.  I replied "I am not you."

I did suggest that there are resources other than the family doc.  We talked about her choices.  I even suggested counseling with a doctor who is knowledgeable with abuse.  She thought I was crazy at first but realized finally that her four year old daughter was abusing her.

I didn't see her for almost six months.  When she finally came around, she was alone.  Her now five year old was in school.  Daughter has aspergers,

Your doc is wrong for not ordering the tests.  Very wrong.  It took mother over a month to find out her daughter's diagnosis.  A month she would give up again for her daughter.

Answer 9

He sounds like a normal 5 year old to me, just a boy being a boy, active and likes to tease brother, don't fret and make a big deal out of this because the more you do the more he will fight it, get him interested in doing other things such as puzzles and games and let him help you with doing things around the house and taking care of brother, get him out doors to play and run and get tired and have fun, the more you act as if what he does doesn't bother you the less he will do it. He is just a kid feeling his oats, let him enjoy this time of his life and remember it as being good times and fun with the family.

Answer 10

I take it you have been using consistent (that is, the same reaction every time)  discipline for years, and it's just not working.  If that's the case, I would get a referral to a psychologist.  The lack of empathy is a bit concerning.  It may be nothing, but it's time to get it checked out.  At the very least, the psychologist can help you learn ways to manage your son's behavior.  Good luck.

Answer 11

I dont know what could be causing his behavour but i do know that there is a great person who can help you out! Supernanny! Thats not a joke. theres is a tv programme of supernanny .... look here up on the internet and find out how you can contact her.... she comes to your home and sorts out your children with discipline and all sorts! Hope you look into this! Thankyou Sophie x x Best of luck with your son. x

Answer 12

I think the clue lies in the phrase "we tried wall charts but the behaviour got worse..." It is a battle of the wills, and you have to kep enforcing your authority over certain issues until he does give in which he will eventually do. I he finds you trying one thing then another, then he is going to think he is winning. Set specific punishments for bad bahaviour and give clear warnings, then battle on - he will eventually learn who is boss.

Answer 13

Do you have any 121 time with him?  That is, without his little brother around...maybe its attention seeking??

My 5 year old does a lot of those things...making sure that sometimes its just me and him seems to help...

Answer 14

You may not be requiring respect.  Respect for you, other and even little things like toys.

If he has a tantrum does he get attention?  He may not get his way, but if he gets attention then he is wining the game.  It sounds like he is in charge and winning each little test of authority.  If you give in the smallest amount he will not change.  If you say you are going to take something away you must following through.

Watch his behavior and see if you can tell he is just testing you.

It is going to be very difficult for you to fix the screaming, but you have to let him scream it out until he quits.

You should get ready by getting ear plugs for you and whomever is home.  When the screaming starts put him in his room and shut the door and let him scream.  This may take as much as an hour the first time if he is very strong willed.  The nice part is that as he learns you are absolutely not going to put up with this, each time he is put in his room to scream he will give up faster.  It may take 3 or 4 times, but you have to get past the first one and it's going to be hard.

It sounds like he may also be a Kinesthetic learner, so get some Lego's or building blocks for your play time with him.

Answer 15

What do you do with discipline? Try disciplining him much harsher. If he hurts his brother send him to his room for a long time, and if he has a tantrum send him there until it is done. Get down on his level and tell him NO, and if needbe give him a spanking.

Answer 16

Has he started school yet?

If not, he may calm down a bit when he has a busy day and lots of other children to compete with for attention.

If he goes to school and carries on, I can almost guarantee his teacher will have him refered to a child psychologist fairly quickly.

Answer 17

If you are from the uk/england - try getting him referred to the Edwin Lobo centre which assesses childrens behaviour and hopefully diagnoses something.

As a parent you know deep down if you're child is different to others - be warned though some health proffessionals will not back you up and make you feel they don't believe you.

Our daughter is different and it's becoming more noticable the older she gets - her pre scool headteacher is a specialist (SENCO) she's convinced she displays certain behaviour so we are glad we have her full support and we are about to go for a second appointment with Edwin Lobo and believe me we are going to push for better results for our daughters sake.

Answer 18

Consistancy will help. No more threatening, if he does something bad he gets a consequence, no bargining, no ifs, ands or buts about it.  He takes his brothers food, time out.  He hits or pushes his brother time out, He lies, time out.  He comes out of time out, before his time is finished, that's another time out.

Ignore his screaming and tantrums.  Just turn your back and walk away like he's not there.  He's getting attention with his bad behaviour and he's going to continue doing it if you're giving him the attention, good or bad.

You were on the right track with the reward charts etc ... you just have to reconize the good behaviour and praise him for it.  Oh you ate your whole dinner and put your plate in the kitchen, that's what I like to see, Thank you so much.  You picked up your toys, that's great!  Or I really like the way you're eatting your dinner, this works if one is eatting and one child isn't.  

Good luck!