Does My Dad really Care?

Question

i'm 14 years old and i'm starting to doubt my father actually loves me, i'm sure he likes me sometimes or maybe he loves me or doesn't like me but i'm very cofused. Every single day he gives me a row over something, nothing in particular, even something very small, today it was because i had my bedroom curtains drawn, he went on for ages and then made me tidy up my room and leave my bedroom door open (just because he knows i like it shut). My father works at a community centre and he gives all the little girls there (the sporty,cute types) much for affection than he has ever shown to me. In public he's nicer to me, even around my mum he's nicer to me. My father is very sporty, he used to play football profssionally and does lots of other sports, i've never been into sports, and lately i've been doing nothing which angers him even more, i can't be bothered to get up, get dressed or even eat anymore which gets me in even more trouble, i think he wants a different kind of daughter one that's active and pretty. One time when i got up i went downstairs to see my parents, my dad asked if i'd brushed my teeth yet i said no, my mum then jokingly asked me about a friend i'd seen if he was my boyfriend my dad replied "she'll never get a boyfriend cause she doesn't brush her teeth, who would kiss her!?" (it was just one time i didint). Another time i'd been doing alot of excersise (dancing) i'd just come back and to tell the truth i smellt aweful, my dad made me tell him what would happen if i didnt smell nice (he made me say i wouldnt have any friends) i dont always smell lol seriously it was just because of dancing that time. He often critisizes the way i dress, look or am. We have only hugged once a few years ago and he has never told me he loves me. even if i say i love him and my mum my mum will say she loves me too and my dad will either say nothing or just say "goodnight." when i was little i used to ask my mother why daddy doesnt love me. My mum would tell my father and he would say to her it's my fault if i want to think that. Do you think he does love me? or can he just not express his emotions? I dont want you to think i'm just a moody teen lol, i'm not this is exactly the way it is. it's really getting me down though. I hope you dont think he's a mostor by this or anything, sometimes he can be nice.

thankyou =]

Answer 1

I don't know how a dad COULDN'T love his child.  But dads and daughters don't always have the best relationship.  Some dads will talk about it, but some won't.  Your dad might need to find solutions ... Meaning, though he loves you and is happy with most of what you do, he tends to focus on the things that HE feels need a solution.  He might not be good with praise, or expressing himself (as you mentioned).  If he says something hurtful, be calm but let him know - he may NOT know, even though you think to yourself "ANYONE would know that..."  I think it is important to go to your parents FIRST, if you are having a problem at home.  If they don't respond well, you may need to find another adult you trust, so that if you ARE feeling sad you can talk with them.  Above all, you can't hold on to hurtful things people do or say - it will weigh you down and keep you from being the AWESOME you.  I know it's hard when those things seem to come from your parents.  But believe in your awesomeness...don't spend your whole life and all of your energy wishing you were someone else.  You are of great worth, just the way you are.  Sometimes, you just have to brush off that stupid comment or that criticism and go forward.  Find people who love and support you and make you feel happy, and surround yourself with those people.  I believe your parents love you - be patient wit h them...being a teenager is just hard, but being a parent is hard too.