Does YA help us individually or do we spend time obesessing?

Question

This is for all YA adoption users (parents, adoptive parents, adoptees etc.)

Sometimes I wonder if time spent on here, while educational for each of us, is in the end detrimental to ourselves. I know myself I come here and love to discuss, but husband has wondered if it is becoming a bit much. So I wonder if anyone else feels same etc.?

Still love to come, just a question. (I am sure this could be said of any internet type thing but for the purposes here I am talking of YA)

thanks!

jenn

Answer 1

I think it's a little bit of both.

Answer 2

I think that it is very negative. I made my first snappy comment the other nite when I had a bad day. The next day it made me sad that I had let myself lose control like that. I wish they had 2 seperate adoption sites. One for parents and those wishing to give helpful imformation. And one for Adoptees to vent. I understand a great deal of what venting does for them.  But so much negativity starts to eat at you. After what I said the other nite I promised myself I would read questions, and if I had something positive to say then I will answer, If not I stand back and watch.

I know a lot of children who have been happily adopted. Live great lives. Everyones life is not good. Even if your not adopted.

Answer 3

i find it very healing in the sense that i have an outlet.

i never had that growing up.  all it was, was hearing all the time how lucky i was.

Answer 4

My husband has said the same thing.  He says how do you know who these people really are.  There might be people on there just pretending to be adopted, aparents or fparents just to cause trouble.

To some degree he's right but I think as you get to know the people better on this site you can tell its real.  There is a lot of ranting and pain on this site.  I can see thru that and know that it is a part of healing.  If they are anything like me, I don't go around talking to everyone about adoption.  I rarely speak of it.  So for many this maybe their opportunity to work out  emotions tied to adoption.  I try to keep that in mind now, when someone comes on and seems to be attacking me.

I'm learning a lot. I enjoy the people here. It can also be addictive.  I think the benefits outway the negatives.

Answer 5

This particular forum (even with all the drama) is extremely informative for me.  I have learned so much about adoption and foster care.  I believe every person has the responsibility of helping another heal to the best of their ability.  I have an aunt (80's) who was adopted out as a baby, a neice (30+) who was adopted by a step-parent & reunited with her biological dad (woo hoo for her), and a very special little adoptee who were waiting to turn 18 so he/she can prayerfully begin healing.

The Bible says (in my words) To whom much is given, much is expected.  I have gone through tremendous healing from the effects of alcoholism and will fight for every person's right to heal.  

It is well worth the walk through the fire to come out the other side.

Added:  I am not an adoptee but I see people working for their constitutional rights as individuals trying to correct foster care and adoption policies as very positive.  I also personally applaud the courage it takes for them to do this.

Answer 6

I was just going to ask the same thing myself.  I thought that joining in the discussions on YA Adoption would help me gain some insight on what other adoptees are feeling and what steps they've taken to overcome the anger and hurtful feelings that most adoptees feel, but it's quite the opposite.  Granted, there are a few of us that are content and happy with our lives, but man! there are so many that are still holding a grudge and and a whole lot of resentment.

I know I'll probably get a lot more thumbs down for this one, too.  I can't see how answers like: "...ultimately a child needs loved..." or, "...adoptions can't be free because it costs money to provide health care, food, housing to the birth mother..." deserve thumbs down, but what the heck...ya know?  

I think that if they realized that bad things happen to good, innocent people and our best revenge is to become happy successful people, they'd start to get over these resentful feelings and move on.

Answer 7

I just want to be able to get the word out about the various facets of adoption, especially the legal ones.  It's not easy to do, but it needs to be done.  There are others here doing the same thing, and I'm glad for them.

It can get obsessive, but I'm pretty passionate about reform.

Answer 8

It's helpful but also obsessive.  I think that's true for all the categories, including adoption.  

Right now I'm obsessive cause my questions keep getting deleted for no valid reason!  http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 9

You know it's obsessive when you sit here hitting the refresh button instead of getting the &*$% housework done.

Answer 10

I have to say that I agree completely with furfur.

I still comeback because I do hope to learn or to help educate, I just try to avoid the drama (not always successfully).

Answer 11

I know while I have learned things about adoptees, I do think this is a very negative place to be and therefore have moved onto more positive and productive things.

Upon occaision, I see a question that I havent' seen before and read to learn from it, but I don't respond anywhere as much as I used to.

This site seems to be more or a rant for people to vent their various frustrations about the topic of adoption than it does provide answers to questions people have.  And oftentimes when you do ask a question, you are responded to so disrespectfully that it discredits what infomration that the responder has provieded.

Answer 12

Obsessing!

Answer 13

I think I have gotten a little to "into" Y!A lately, and a little too "out of" my life.  I can't speak for anyone else.  For the most part, it has been very helpful, but I think lately, I have spent more time trying to get others to see my POV than trying to learn from them...and that's when it get detrimental for me.

Answer 14

I think it just gets people hot blooded for no reason...seriously, this is my first time on YA Adoption for over a month and every time I come here it is always the same, adoptees fighting over "adoption being the best thing for them" and "adoption ruining their lives"

or the never ending "stop being selfish, adopting a child isn't for the child...it's for yourself"

I am an adoptive Mama and I love every minute of it.  Our children are going to know that they grew in our hearts not in my tummy, and we plan on being very open with them...nothing someone says on here is going to change my mind.

Answer 15

I do get a lot out of it here in the adoption section of Y!A.  Every time I answer a question, I have to really think about how adoption has affected me.  When I read Q&A that p**s me off, I have to analyze why...what is it about the viewpoint that makes me react that way?  When something really makes sense to me, I build a greater understanding of myself and don't feel so alone.

All these things help me get in touch with how I feel about being adopted and how it impacts my life to this day. This has been extremely beneficial in helping me to access my feelings and get them out.  I have spent my life stuffing my feelings, Y!A has actually helped me get in touch with them.  

Quite honestly, Y!A has done more for me psychologically than all the therapy I've ever had.

Good question, btw!

Answer 16

I'm feeling the same way. Its becoming obsessive. Its taking time away from legislative action I should be doing. I need to get away.