Does a father that's never been around, deserve a second chance from his 15 year old daughter?

Question

I'm fifteen years of age, and after not seeing my father since I was 2 he's come back into my life claiming he loves me. He's also bringing up things that really don't matter to me. Apart from it all he's taken things away from me that made me happy. Does he deserve a chance?

Answer 1

yes but dont get to close to him at the beggining or at least until you can trust him at least he is trying to get back in her life

Answer 2

I would say yes, and be as honest as you can with him.

Answer 3

Doesn't every human deserve a second chance? Would you want to be given one if you made a mistake? We are all human and making mistakes seems to be an essential part of our genetic make-up! It would be a rare person who could claim never to have made a mistake so there must be a lot of people who need a second chance.

In respect of the things which don't matter to you and the things he has taken away, would it niggle you if you do not tell him that? Would it help to have a calm but air-clearing talk with him to explain the giving of a second chance and the things you don't care about and the things he took away? By the same token, won't you need to listen to what he has to say? My 17 year-old daughter has made the suggestion in our family that any such 'meeting' be conducted by having an article which is held by the speaker so that only one person can speak. Once it passes to the other, only the other can speak. You also have to agree to leave any hurt caused by the discussion behind when you finish.

I hope that helps. Good luck

Answer 4

Everyone deserves a second chance.  Just take things slowly and give him the opportunity to make things right.  Whatever you do, don't feel like his absence was your fault because it wasn't.

Good luck!

Answer 5

Everyone deserves a 2nd chance but not a 3rd one. But be clear YOU CALL THE CARDS and he is along for the ride!

Answer 6

First, we all make mistakes and are too quick to judge someone else.

Honestly, I could never imagine ever not having my children in my life! Your father has made some very hurtful decisions for the both of you. And trust me, he has lost out on much.

I would not make a quick decision. Take baby steps and allow him to prove to you he wants to REALLY be in your life and stay there. He is the adult and he needs to make what he has done right. Does that mean not allowing him back into you life.....only you can make that choice. However, there are going to be many times in your life wherein you hope and pray that people give you "Second Chances".  We all make mistakes.....

Just take care of you and do what it best for you. Good Luck!

Answer 7

What would you do if you found out he had 6 months to live?That makes your question sound rather asinine doesn't it?My dad and I had a similar situation and at age 15 I didn't give him any of my time and shut him out of my life now a few years have gone by and now my dad has incurable cancer and will most likely die by october.Think about that.

Answer 8

I'm sixteen , I keep giving my dad more chances and   it just lets him take advantage more , he'll think you'll always be there when he feels like being a dad ,  and maybe ask him why now , why does he want to be your dad now and not 13years ago ?  dont let him give you the whole tqalk about him not being ready to be a dad , say **** it , my mom stayed didnt she ?

Answer 9

Only you can decide this. It's easy for someone else to tell you what to do. I was in the same kind of situation before, and really...you have to decide. If you can find it in your heart to forgive and give him that chance, then yes. If you are not to that point..then no.

Answer 10

he can't just pop into your life saying the things you wanna hear. Should he deserve a second chance? no, did he even give you a chance at being a daughter, so why should you even give him 2 chances, when he didn't even give you one. Your fine just without him, ain't you? You did it 15 years, you can do it another...

Answer 11

Yes, everyone deserves a 2cd chance.. even a 3rd..

Answer 12

It is better to give a chance, if you feel he deserves it. After all, he fathered you. Did you ask him why he has done so? Speak to him, it is your right to ask him everything. He is supposed to give answers to all your queries. He has to make clear all your doubts. Then if you feel, he is telling the truth and if he has no negative ideas in his mind, you can accept him back as your father. Before taking decision on this, he has to give explanation to you, without fail. Ask him what is the reason for his come back and what he is expecting from you? All are selfish, you father is also selfish. Then what is that selfishness? you have to know.

Answer 13

I have a 12 year old daughter that found her father almost a year ago. He left while I was pregnant with her. I gave her the option to get to know him and his family when she was ready, ultimately he left again. Blaming me because I told him he had to be consitant with her. My daughter was able to reach her own decisions about her biological father. It takes a very strong person to forgive someone for walking out on them. I applaud you for trying. However, you need to be honest about how you feel. In my opinion you should not feel that you have to shelter him from possible feelings of anger you have. He is an adult and should be able to handle what you say. Please, remember his is an adult and youstill need to treat him with respect. Who knows, maybe he has changed and is ready to be a father. You deserve happiness. Try this out for a while and if you feel you don't want to see him anymore, tell him. Be strong, this might be a long road. Howevr, if you don't give him the chance now, you might be living with regrets later on in your life. Good luck.

Answer 14

THOU SHOULD NOT BE ASKING THIS. THOUST MOTHER DROVE HIM AWAY. BLAME HER.

Answer 15

i think your dad should have a second chance.

Answer 16

girl im going thru the same thing my dad missed my birth an everything he loves bring up things in the past about him an my mother

he is in the milatary an im the only child but when i ask for things he just look an me an say i want an atm for a father thats not true i am his only child he should be happy to see me or give me things an that just hurt me to my heart so just do what i do an forgive an forget if he wanna come back in your life talk it out with him an if he continue to mess up in your life for the 3rd time then u gotta be the woman an step up an tell him he's going o miss out on another 15 yrs.!!

Answer 17

this is up to you. personally, i don't think he does. when my oldest daughter was 16, her father did the same thing. as her mother, i was so angry. where was this man all the while she was growing up? i left the decision up to her. she wanted to spend time with him and get to know him and she was very excited. too much time had passed and they never bonded and he had no idea how to be a father so he tried to be her friend. they had a horrible fight...a physical fight. i had to jump in my car and race there and get her out of his house. she is 22 now and she wouldn't spit on him if he was on fire. every situation is different and i wish you the best of luck . don't count on instant bonding but i hope things turn out different for you than it did for my daughter and her father.

Answer 18

No absolutely not. he cant just come back into your life like nothing has happened. I take it you ahve been brought up by your mother. She has done all the hard work. hes missed out on the hard part and now wants the easy ride because you are a teenager. Dont let him come back into your life he will only hurt you again.

Answer 19

well, I guess that would depend on why he left, and why he's never been part of you life to the present day...I think everyone deserves a second chance, but when you say that "hes bringing up things that don't matter " to you, is it excuses of why he wasn't around? why did he show up now after 13 yrs.? do you want him to be apart of your life?  

Answer 20

Everyone deserves a second chance. You don't know why he left your life..maybe you 2 need to sit down and ask him why he left you at such a young age. I am sure he will have answers for you. Do you want to give him a 2nd chance..if so at least give it a try with an open mind.

Look at it this way if you were a mom at an early age and drank or did drugs but was not there for your child and decided to change your life around and come back into your child's life  wouldn't you want to at least try?  Give it a shot  what can it hurt..he is at least trying.

I hope you are mature enough not to hate ..so many unanswered questions.    Good luck.

Answer 21

People change a lot over 15 years. Look at things from his point of view, if you can. That takes a great deal of maturity, and the ability to set aside your own feelings and try to look at the situation as an outsider. Some people go their whole life and can't manage to do that, but it's a very powerful & useful tool to master, one that can do wonders in helping to clarify situations like this.

Then answer these questions for yourself:

Why did he leave?

What was your mother's attitude toward him then?

What is your mother's attitude toward him now?

How does that effect your perception of him?

Can you set aside your mother's perceptions and rely on your own?

Can you set aside your own pre-conceived notions about the sort of person he may be, and give him the chance to show you through his words & actions who he is today?

How much has he changed in the last 15 years?

Better? Worse?

What, precisely has he taken away from you lately?

What does he bring to you that you may have been missing, even if you didn't realise it?

Do you feel he's being honest in his desire to see you again?

Do you really want to see him again, to get to know who he is now?

Do you really want to know what's going on in his heart & mind?

Do you really want to know what battles he has had to fight in his own efforts to come to this moment?

I'm sure this is not easy for him, either. To reach out to someone as close to your heart as your own child under these circumstances can be frightening, filled with "what if's" and fear. And to be rejected by one's own child is one of the most painful things a parent can experience. You have to make up your own mind as to whether or not to give him credit for coming to this point, for trying to re-connect with you after all this time.

Consider what you might miss out on if you deny him, and yourself, this opportunity to make amends. It may be the most wonderful experience of your life to date, marking a turning point for the better in your life.

Or it could be a wash.

You stand to learn some things about him and about yourself that you would miss out on completely if you don't extend your hand. Give both of you the opportunity to re-connect. Personally, I'm sure you won't regret it if you do.