Does a mother who has her child removed, love her child any less than one placed for adoption?

Question

If a mother has a child removed for WHATEVER reason, does she love her child any less than a woman who places her child for adoption.

I've seen answers that suggest this, what do you think?

Answer 1

I think that both mothers probably love thier child the same, as any mother does. I think that the mother who places her child for adoption has the best interest of the child in mind, while the mother who has her child taken away by CPS is a little more selfish and wants what she thinks is best for herself. Now if your talking about being taken away in a different way than I stated I do apologize. I wouldn't know what other way you would be talking about.

Answer 2

Well, personally from what I've seen it takes ALOT of bad behavior on the mother's part to warrant taking her child away PERMANENTLY.  The state does all it can to help mothers keep their children.  If they have drug problems, they send them to rehab.  If they have anger management problems, they send them to someone who can help with that.  In fact, I have social worker friends who get frustrated because many times kids are sent back to their bio parents when the social workers KNOW it's a bad situation that the kids shouldn't be in but they can do nothing about it because the state is geared towards keeping bio families together even when everyone else involved knows it's not a wise decision.  

To answer your question, no....I don't think the mother who has her child REMOVED necessarily loves her child LESS but rather has chosen, for whatever reason, to put other priorities first.  Sometimes that can be an abusive boyfriend....drugs....whatever.  Like I said, for the state to come in and take the child away, it has to be pretty bad.  While I say the mother doesn't love the child less, I'm sure there are rare cases where the mother is genuinly a horrible, selfish person who never should have a child in the first place.  There ARE women out there like that, whether people want to believe it or not.  They're not the norm, thank God but they do exist.  In those cases, yeah, I'd say the mother doesn't give two sh*ts about that kid, whether he has clean clothes on, food to eat, a clean diaper on his butt, etc.  Some people just don't have what it takes to be a PARENT.  I'm sorry but it takes nothing to MAKE a child but everything to be a PARENT.  Some are naturally great, others struggle because of outside circumstances, and others just should never have had children in the first place.  Every person and circumstance is different.

Answer 3

I think for the majority of them, no.

But people find themselves in hopeless situations, whether it be extreme poverty, substance addiction, toxic relationships, etc.  This can cause people to make some not-so-wise decisions regarding the care and treatment of their children.

Not every single mother loves her child, but I believe the majority do, despite their poor choices or situations.

Answer 4

I can't judge that - it would have to be assessed on a case by case basis

I find it hard to imagine any mother not loving her child, despite any illness she may be suffering with herself

Answer 5

I doubt that she loves one child less than another. If a mother or father has had a child removed from his or her home, there is usually a good reason for it, namely abuse or neglect in some form. The parent probably loves the child as much as any of us love our children, but is unable to parent effectively for some reason. I don't think it has anything to do with loving one child more than another.

Answer 6

No. Even the worst parent in the world loves their child(ren) in some way. Just because someone loses the rights to their child does not mean that the parent does not love them.

And remember, there are a LOT more reasons for neglect and abuse for children coming into foster care:

Medical problems, either child's or parent's

Incarceration

Mental Illness, either child or parent

Drug Abuse

Alcohol

Domestic Violence

Medical neglect

Educational Neglect

Lack of education on part of parent

Lack of support (financial or moral) for the parent

There are alot of reasons, and just because they were removed by the department of human services does not mean that parent's love their child less.

Answer 7

I  think so.  I think she may be to "lost" herself to realize the loss.  This is dependent on whether or not she was into drugs and other hardships.

Answer 8

Welllll... I think most people know a bit about my story so here ya go!

My son wasn't removed, I asked for him to be put in care. Oh what a STUPID move. But eventually my rights were terminated against my wishes. I love him with my whole heart. He is still here with me in pictures and love. His place in my family will never be taken, he is, was and always will be my first born and my only son.

I don't love him any more or any less than my "kept" daughters. Anyone who suggests that I love him less than a woman who chose to place needs to remove their head from their rear. I raised him, "saved" him, loved him, nurtured him and made one bad choice. That doesn't say unloved or loved less in my mind or in my heart.

Answer 9

the mother who place the kids for adoption LOVES THE child more than the mother who has her child removed by the government

for the sake of writing less, let A be the mother who put up the kids for adoption

and let B be the mother who has the kids removed by gov

here is why:

1. A knows A can't take care of the kids,and want something better for the kids, b/c not everyone can adopt, ppl who sign up for adoption must be well-to-do, responsible ppl, which means kids are in good hands

2. B is irresponsible and must have done something that endangers the safety of her kids for the gov to remove the kids from her custody, if B is being irresponsible and endangers the safety of her kids, how is that loving the kids??

therefore A has much more love

Answer 10

I don't know what you mean by removed.  Abortion?

Answer 11

When I was a county social worker, I worked with some families where the children had been removed and placed in foster care.  The parents had a variety of problems.  Many of them had come from long lines of difficult family situations and never learned good parenting skills.  One woman was an alcoholic.  Another had a drug problem.  Another had neither of these problems, but she was borderline developmentally disabled and it was extremely difficult for her to learn and to make reasonable decisions.

One thing that was clear in all of the cases that I had was that these parents felt great love for their children.  Their various problems and lack of skills, however, interfered with them being able to be good parents.  Although many of their actions toward their children were loving, there were other actions that were far from loving.  

In the end, many of these parents were able to overcome their addictions and other problems and become better parents.  Their children returned home.  I do remember one woman who was mentally delayed and had a drinking problem.  She was unable to overcome these issues and permanently lost her children.  It tore her up, so I could see that she felt love, although she was unable to always give love.

There are also those people who I believe are not capable of loving.  One man had sexually molested his youngest son.  This man saw no problem with his behaviour, nor did he seem to care one way or another if he got his son back, anyway.  People like this man were rare.

Answer 12

to place a child up for adoption is a very personal decision, and although a gift to the adopting family it does not necessarily follow that the act of giving the child up is a selfless act of love or that having a child removed displays a lack of "love".  We are often thrown into situations completly unprepared and generally deal with them the best way we can at the time with the resources (of all types) we have available.  At times it is the excessive analyzing of what family, friends or society in general expects us to behave like if adequate "love" is present that causes us to try to live up to situations we are not able to handle; in which case no one wins.  The measure of ones love for a child depends on the situation entirely and may be of no consequence in the long run.  Loving someone does not automatically make us the best choice to raise them.

Answer 13

This is such a tough question to answer.  Every person is different.  In our case, our child was removed from the bio-parents at birth for legitimate reasons.  It has come to our attention that the bio parents refuse to even admit that they had the child at all.  I think they are so caught up in their own problems & issues that they have shut down their emotions to this.  For the time being, I would say that they do not necessarily love the child because of their own lifestyle.  Maybe some day that will change; I hope it does for my son's sake.

But I also know that there are people who's children have been removed from their care for reasons that weren't valid.  In those cases, I'm positive the parents love their child/children.  Just look at Andraya's story that has been posted.  Her children were/are not loved any less by her.  

I think every situation is different.

Answer 14

Some mothers, based on their situation, do not have the ability to love fully.  I speak mainly of addicts who become so swept up in their habits that they truly do not care for anyone else, or themselves for that matter, just the next "fix."   Yes, they could "recover", but sadly some never do, and the child shouldn't suffer in the meantime.  This is just one of the many horrible effects of addiction.

Answer 15

I don't think it's a matter of love at all.  Just because you want to do something doesn't mean everyone has the skills to do so.

We live in a society where we are required by law to learn how to drive a carthen pass stringent tests to make sure we are able to do so....but we have no classes on how to deal or take care of children.

Our parents are supposed to do this in their example, but if they don't know what to do or are unable to cope, then our learning ability has been handicapped.

A mother/father who has had a child removed does love that child, but doesn't have the skilss to care for them.

Answer 16

It's really hard to say.  But if a mother has her child removed because she has abused or neglected her children, then I would say she loves them less than the mother who chose to put her child in a loving home because she knew that she couldn't be a mother yet.  Or maybe she doesn't love them less, she's just more selfish than the mother who put her child up for adoption.

Answer 17

I think it would be the same, a lost child is a lost child, no matter if it's to adoption, removal or even death. We all grieve for what could been.

Answer 18

How do you define the love of a parent of their child?

To me, part of that love is to put the needs of that child before your own.  So, if you take drugs while pregnant, spend money on drugs/alcohol instead of food, medicine, decent shelter, or go out to 'party' while your child is left neglected.  Then, I would say you don't love your child.

To me, part of the love is protecting the child.  So, if you hit the child, yell at them for every little thing, or worse.  Then, I would say you don't love your child.

To me, part of the love is teaching your children and giving them (positive) attention.  If you give your children so little attention that they can barely talk at age 3, have to tantrum to get your attention, and are months, or years, behind their peers developmentally.  Then, I would say you don't love your child.

If you spend a day in Family Court, you will see person after person who neglected and/or abused their kids, and every one of them will tell the judge how much they "love" their kids.