Does a relationship get better after having a baby?

Question

Hi there, My boyfriend and I have a little boy thats 5 months old before he was born our life was good a little arguing her and there but nothing we couldn't handle. Since the baby has been born we argue everyday he tells me he never see's me happy and that whenever he touches me i push him away. he always tries to touch me when i am busy with the baby getting him a bottle or making us supper or something like that. I am really having secound thoughts about our realationship whever i ask him to feed or do anything for his son its one big fight because he claims he had a hard day at work and wants to relax meanwhile i am at home with the baby all day long and need a break to. I don't have family or friends near me that can help so i feel like a single mother doing everything by myself. I put my baby to bed at about 9-9:30 and he goes to bed the same time becuase he works early in the morning I have explained to him how i feel but he doesn't care he tells me if i don't change and become happier he is going to leave me. I think i am as happy as i can be for doing everything on my own. what do i do?

Answer 1

My take on your situation is that you feel you're not getting enough support from him and he feels he's not getting enough attention from you.

Babies change everything - especially for the mom. She is the primary caretaker, the one to put her goals/dreams/career on hold, the one who experiences all the physical pain and drain, the one who struggles emotionally to keep her identity as a woman/person when her life demands she be a mother first and foremost, the one whose sexual identity changes...need I go on?

On top of that, babies change your social life, put pressure on finances...their needs impact every aspect of your life.

Both of you need to realize that having a baby is a HUGE change in your life as a couple. Then you need to find out what works for you both under the new set of responsibilities and changes. It is the evolution of a relationship - shifting as life shifts and coming to a new way of being together.

So what adjustments are you willing to make and what adjustments will you ask him to make? Start small and work your way up from there...step by step. He gives you more support, you give him more attention. It could really work!

Answer 2

This is rather normal the first couple years after having kids can be trying.I understand where you are coming from though.and no you shouldn't leave him you guys just had a baby if he is working a job and supporting you guys he cant be all bad.and sweety something i had to accept about my husband is that men are rather stupid when it comes to baby's.He might actually be scared  to hurt the baby so you need to ease him into it, and yes i do understand the physical side of just having a baby i have 2 kids.but splitting up doesn't seem like a good way to go, make a bowl of popcorn for you and him and put a movie on and all 3 of you lay on the floor with a comfy blanket and then gently put the baby into his lap or in his arms.he will come around you'll see

Answer 3

Babies make a huge difference in a relationship.  They're very demanding and time consuming as your finding out.  

Though your baby is 5 months old, your body is still going through hormonal changes from the pregnancy.  Hormones play a great role, albeit negative at times, and you might even be suffering with a bit of post partum depression.

That alone will lead to irritability; couple that with feelings of helplessness, lack of support, to say nothing being overwhelmed by the whole process.

Check with your Dr. to see if that's an influence.  S/he can prescribe meds. that will level you out and offer some relief.

As for your husband, that's another story!   Perhaps it would help you to seek a counselor who will teach you effective communication and coping skills.  That isn't a judgmental comment!

Too often things that we say are interpreted differently than they were conveyed.   You say you need help - he hears you b*tching.  

In his mind:  "I mean really...how hard is it to sit home all day with a baby????   I work my a$$ off all day and come home to listen to your attitude!  WTF?"  

To those of us that have been through pregnancy and delivery, it's a no brainer.  But, until HE'S the one in labor and experiencing what it's like to be a stay at home parent and still be expected to get the household chores done AND still be lovey dovey, he WON'T get it.  

Just think everything through before you make another life altering decision that you may later regret - at the very least, please check with your Dr. about those hormones.  They can be a real b*tch!

Here's hoping you find some serenity REAL SOON!

Answer 4

  Selfish little bast**d isn't he,  I'd leave and then see how happy he'd be,  if he loved you then he'd be changing his ways, sounds like if you stay their your gonna be one unhappy single mom.   When one person leaves it always hits the other person and that person realizes how much he or she really cares about that person then you'll know.

Answer 5

Although baby comes first, you need to nurture your relationship.  He wants to leave because he feels he no longer has a relationship with you.  You need to take time for yourselves!  Both of you need to be active parents, but pointing the finger at each other doesn't help.  Put the baby to bed earlier, so that you and him can have some good solid time together before he goes to bed, if that is the only time you get to spend together.

Answer 6

you have to ask yourself if this is what you want? if it is then you need to just do what he ask you to do. And be happy with it. Are yall going to get married sometime soon??? If this is not what you want then you need to go get a layer and get full custody of your son and just leave him and it will make you and the baby in a better mood and you will feel a hole allot better about yourself

Answer 7

I know how your bf feels. having a baby is overwhelming. suggest marriage counseling. most churches will arrange a time if you cant come to the session weekly or whatever.

my hubby and i have a five month old and started a month ago. it saved our marriage and our friendship.

Write him a letter and stick it in his pocket before he goes to work. he will probably find it and read it and think about it all day. I did that to get my hubby to go.

good luck

Answer 8

I know exactly how you feel.  I have a 3 month old daughter and I am a stay at home mom.  My fiancee works Sunday-Thursday from 2:30 PM-11PM.  I am at home all day with my daughter and I don't have family close by.  On his off days he wants play his PS3 and watch football instead of helping me.  I never get a break unless I drive 4 hours to my parent's house.  This has made me look at him differently because I thought we were partners, but it seems that I do all the work.  I cook, clean, wash his clothes and still manage to pay my half of the bills and take online classes.  I think about leaving, but I really want to raise my daughter in a two parent household.  When you find the answer please let me know!!!!