Does any one else like this poem?

Question

I found it on a website, i don't know its name

Hold in your last breath and stare.

Assure me your metronome's left arm stick shift

is stuck on the right words in your ear.

Did you hear me loud and clear? In sight and out of mind?

Cautiously avoiding the cracks not to disturb your steadied arm straight line.

The facts before a climb... a plan before a crime.

Tired in the days that passed away

sporadically arranged across the floor when you've got it made.

Dear Mariah, the world's not big enough

for the both of us when we live in the same town, that's wrong.

Fight on fire (fight on fire), burn my hands till I

got nothing left to count my numbers on that's wrong, what's wrong?

Your wise *** comments could cheer you up.

The emotional disturbance: relax, deep breathe, sit back

from the space in which you stand, here and in demand.

Don't touch a fresh wound that bleeds

all over your carpets the stains, the story book remains,

and the page that states you've lied.

Accept and then reply, acknowledge the other guy,

Tired in the days that passed away

sporadically arranged across the floor when you've got it made.

Dear Mariah, the world's not big enough

for the both of us when we live in the same town, that's wrong.

Fight on fire (fight on fire), burn my hands till I

got nothing left to count my numbers on

Answer 1

The first verse is really exceptional. It makes use of interesting phrases - this is a good thing since so many poets are still stuck with boring cliches. I was, however, disappointed once I reached the second verse. The poet creates such a tranquil, flowing and almost hypnotic atmosphere with the first verse and then suddenly jumps into day-to-day language. This completely destroys the tone of the poem. From the second verse onwards the poem is littered with cliches making the poem seem impersonal and almost emotionally disconnected.

The second last verse is also very confusing - almost delirious. Maybe this was intentional, but if you read it more attentively you will notice that it actually makes no sense. The meaning of it all is lost within the list-like lines.

In short, I would have ended the poem at the first verse.  

Answer 2

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