Does any one have any advice on how to handle this?

Question

I am a senior in highschool and my last year experience at a new school with my younger sister who was a sophomore was horrible. I was made fun of constantly by everyone for some legit reasons and then some not so much my fault. So at first I decided I wanted to be homeschooled and my other sister in the 8th grade decided she would be homeschooled too. But we couldn't find any homeschooling places for us so I decided to go back to school and bare it for another year. However my younger sister wanted to be homeschooled still. So I encouraged her to continue trying b/c like me she was'nt doing so well in school and I didn't want her to see me all depressed at school b/c of the kids gossip. Then my other sister(sophomore) decided to be homeschooled too for whatever reason (I don't really know why b/c people generally liked at our new school.) So she managed, by some miracle, to find a cheap homeschooling program. Now when I returned back to school people said I had schemed some kind of way to get both my sisters to stay home so they wouldn't see me be made fun of. They said I had been lieing to my sister in middle school telling her I was popular and things were great for me. But thats not true. I tell both my sisters everything including the humilation I faced. We even laughed about some of the stuff b/c they were so ridiculous. But I can't help feeling gulity that maybe I did unintentionally coaxe my sister into being homeschooled b/c of my own experience. Maybe if I wasn't so socially awkward, shy, a loner, dumb, and didn't wear so much strong perfume (that happened 3 times on the bus, use your imagination of the response on the bus.) then maybe she would come to school. Part Of being the oldest is setting an example, but I was so depresssed last year about everything that happened I couldn't bring myself to straighten up. I was so ridiculous and immature, I ran to the restrooms or the library during lunch b/c I couldn't bare being around those kids as they laughed at me b/c I sat alone. I did deserve to be made fun of b/c of the hygene problem and my grades, but not b/c of what I looked like, what I wore, and how shy I was around people. I feel so gulity. I explained to my sisters how I felt and they said its not true, they did it b/c they just didn't get the work and they didn't like the envioment. But deep down inside I feel relieved that won't have to see me be humiliated and thats what makes me feel gulity, like I'm ruining their lives and everybody around me.

Answer 1

This doesn't need to be in the Wedding section. Try Mental Health or Family/Relationships. You'll probably get better answers.

Answer 2

there are two ways that i see this.

one- you are just trying to protect your younger siblings and in my eyes i think that's admirable.

two- you might be keeping something away from them, maybe one of them would end up being class president. they might have been just fine. you can't make their mistakes for them. they have to learn for themselves.

Answer 3

Where are your parents? Please talk to them and seek counseling. You have very low self esteem.  I know school can be cruel but you have to develop a strong sense of self. You love your siblings and they will be happy as long as you are.  As far as kids in school, they have not been taught better and are probably from troubled homes so they are taking it out on you.  Believe it or not they have self esteem issues are well.  I hope that you feel better and get the treatment you need.