Does any other step mom out there have this problem?

Question

I love my husband very much, but I have not and I don't think I ever will love or even like his child. He has a two in a half year old son and this kid is the spon of the devil. I am not trying to offend anyone, but I just don't know what to do. I dread the days that he comes over! He whines and cries non stop and constantly wants to be held and the worst part is that he takes my baby's toys and takes all of the attention. Our daughter (same daddy) is 11 months and is so much fun and so sweet and so beautiful and when that brat is over my husband completely ignores my little princess =(( I am now really resenting him and although I love my husband I don't know if I can stand the thought of having to deal with his kid forever. Don't say its just his age. I have seen plenty of 2 year olds and I am telling you he is 110% worse then them!! What should I do? One more thing. This kid is hideous! And I find that I am very humiliated to go out with him. Does anyone else have this problem out there? What should I do? I am tired of him taking all of my husbands attention! Its like when hes here the world stops and he has to be Mr Rogers but when hes not here, its just a normal day.

Answer 1

I think someone else is a spoiled little brat and wants all the attention. His son is only there every now and then and that is the only time his father has with him. You and you kid have daddy all the time. I can't believe you would call a child hideous and all the other things you called him. I sure hope your husband sees exactly what he has married. In my opinion I think you are jealous of this child as well as the other mother. I think you take out your resentment on this little 2 year old. You need to get over it and move on. All you need to do is stop being a DADDY hog and let this lettle boy have time with his dad.  

Answer 2

Show your question to your husband and let him make the decision as to what to do.  I cannot advise you on how to fix anything, because you are a big part of the problem.  The boy is two years old so he has somewhat of an excuse - whats YOUR excuse?  

Answer 3

You and your husband need to grow... That is, you need to sit him down and tell him the truth. But remember your truth is or may not be the same as his truth but you have to say it anyway.  Let him know under no circumstances do you wish to be his sons mother or pretend mother or mother away from home, you are only willing to accept the title "Step-Mom" and that's all. Let him know that you really don't feel comfortable with the situation and that you are offering to simply respect his son when he visits. There's nothing wrong with the way you feel but you are prone to being slightly one sided since it's your house that is being invaded with someone who doesn't act the way you want. You also need to let him know that he can treat his son anyway he wants but allowing the whining and discontent un-challenged is not good for the child and will eventually lead to some uncomfortable times. In the best of all situations, all the kids in the home should be treated equally with direct guidance and a firm hand. Your husband may not know what he is doing, as his partner you should tell him what you think.... I think that's called communication.  

Answer 4

That "hideous" child, as you call him, is your husband's **son** and he will always be your husbands son no matter what.  You have to find some way to accept him if you want to continue being with your husband.  

Answer 5

OK I had three cousins who were the same way. All of us cousins thought they were the worst, we were actually shocked, and we did not even like being with them, they were always demanding, yelling, fighting, making a mess, not obeying, rude. Any of us would get a whack on the @ss if we acted like that.

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They grew up into three of the finest men I have known in my life.

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Try not to over-react.

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Answer 6

being a step mom, i feel your pain. give it time and see what happens when he gets older. I was like you. Im still struggling with my step son. but he lives with us. and he is 12. my son, (same daddy) is 3. i hope you are preparing for really really mean answers to this question. People just dont understand that some step parents dont have perfect relationships with their step children, no matter how hard they try.

keep your head up. and i hope things get better for you!

feel free to message if you need to vent more. i wont bite your head off!

Answer 7

really? REALLY?

seriously now.

get over yourself.

ever heard of a thing called the terrible twos?

yes, even if you have seen civilized two-year-olds (who are still regarded as INFANTS) in public, you have no idea what they act like in private with their own mothers. I'm sure the child is very confused seeing as you're not even his mother and he probably just wants and needs attention just like ALL BABIES DO. when your daughter gets to be two-and-a-half, she's going to cry a lot too. it's the way things go. i bet that if your husband reads this he will re-think his marriage, and i bet that your little 'princess' will grow up to be a spoiled brat. I sure hope she does. you're a b*tch and i feel sorry for the people who have to live with you.

Answer 8

The reason that "the kid", as you affectionately call him, might be more trouble than other kids is that his family has torn apart at such a young age. He may feel neglected, unloved, insecure...that's a lot for a 2 year old to have to handle. So, he may lash out, throw tantrums, need extra attention. You have to be kind, and understanding. When he visits, it seems appropriate that he gets the main attention of his father. You and your own daughter live with your husband, but your husband's son only gets to see him on visits. He really needs extra time with his dad, especially if he only sees him on these visits, and especially in this hard time. As far as the child's looks, I find it ridiculous and disgusting that you would be embarrassed by a 2 year old! Shame on you!  

Answer 9

Oh my gosh that is one of most horrible things I have EVER Heard. GET OVER YOURSELF. By the way I bet your daughter grows up to be a spoiled little brat!!!

Answer 10

Plain and simple, when you met this man, now your husband you took on his son, as a part of your life. He may be a brat for whatever reason, it may be because he does not have two nurturing parents like your daughter, but don't mistreat the child or call them names, for they only know what they have been taught. I'm sure if you told your husband this it would cause problems in your relationship, as that is his son. What you can do is mention that you see some issues in the child's behavior, read up on things that can help break the problem and mention it to your husband. Tell him that you'd like to help him become more well-mannered, and honestly mean it. It will only help you in the long run if you actually do it.

Good Luck!

Answer 11

It's not the baby's fault.  Please make a greater attempt to bond with him.   You take care of him some of the time and have your dh handle your girl.  He is reflecting your negative ugly feeling back at you.  He is as miserable as you are but he doesn't have any control over the situation but you do.  He misses his mom.  He is not trying to be a brat and to take over he is a victim in this situation.  He isn't stealing your daughter's toys on purpose.  

Please grow up before  you damage this poor baby.  If you don't he may be around longer than you.  Your husband will end up resenting YOU if you don't shape up.