Does anybody else feel like this sometimes?

Question

I have two sons - the oldest is 2 and the youngest is 6 months. me and my wife try to get out every once in awhile and have alil bit of fun by ourselves, but whenever we do go out(which isnt that often) I cant help but feeling a little bit guilty that i shouldnt be having fun and instead be making sure my boys are having fun and have everything they need(which i know for dam sure i make sure before we even leave). my question is could this feeling stem from growing up without a father myself and not much of a mother? i love my boys to death and they are the biggest daddy's boys you'll ever see, but i still cant help but feel alil guilty everytime we go out.

Answer 1

I do the same thing I'd love to say it goes away over time but my oldest is almost 8 and I still seem to be on the phone with the sitter anytime we go out. I've gotten to the point that most of the time we just have our friends come over and we play cards while their kids play with ours.  Parents not being there could have to do with it my dad wasn't there until we were teenagers and my mom worked 2 and 3 jobs so she wasn't around much either. Good luck but remember ALL parents need time to themselves every now and then.   Go out on Saturday and take the kids to the zoo on Sunday that way no guilt you all had fun that weekend, not to mention your alone time and your family time.

Answer 2

do you go out at night? or during hte day? my uncle and aunt take theyre son to a friends house when they go out. he stays with 6 other kids and they have lots of space and toys and he always has so much fun and hardly wants to leave. do they have any friends they can "play date" with?

Answer 3

What awesome insight and awareness!

Guilt is normal, but remember it is important for you, your wife, and for the children, for you and your wife to have some time to yourselves.

Go see a movie, go out for a nice dinner, a show, dancing, or just a quiet place to sit and hold each other. Don't worry about the guilt, it will pass. Don't be afraid to make a weekly or biweekly afternoon and evening for just you two!

Answer 4

I know what you mean my husband used to feel that same way and like u he grew up without a Dad *his left when he was 3*

anyway It'll get better as they get older.

Just keep in mind that u and ur wife need the time together and the kids get the experience of having all the attention from somebody else for a lil while. It'll help them build a lil  social skills ,independence and confidence in them self from mom and dad.

Answer 5

this is normal. I feel guilty every time I leave my daughter. for example my husband and I just bought a house and we have to fix it up and since I can't take our daughter I have to have someone watch her and it does make me feel guilty... even going grocery shopping without her makes me feel guilty but the truth is the time apart is not only good for you but it's good for the kids too. I think it's great that as a dad you are worried about this (not many men are or at least they don't express it) but the reality is that you and your wife need that time away from the kids not just to reconnect the two of you but to also give each of you some sanity. and it's good for the kids because it's nice for them to have a different change of pace every once in a while. so I say yes it is normal to feel guilty but don't over stress about it and yes I do think that you feel so guilty in part because of the lack of parenting (or parents) you had growing up. but if you ask me you sound like you have the dad thing under control and are nothing like the mother and father who did (or didn't) raise you. I say A+++ dad keep up the good work (and don't stress as much)

Answer 6

Those feelings are very common and normal for all parents. I still feel guilty leaving my children just for a few hours with their grandmother. I think part of it can be about your parents, I had nothing for a father and I feel like my kids need both my husband and I all the time. My husband is a wonderful, loving, attentitive father who can be bit nerotic about making sure there is enough juice in the house or changes the smoke alarm batteries every 3 months insted of the 6 necessary. But the truth is, no parent can make it with not going out once in awhile and doing things on their own. It is something you have to learn to cope with. For my husband and I, it took knowing that refreshing ourselves to maintain our happiness and sanity directly effects our ability to keep our children happy. Because of that, we are able to enjoy the occasional night out, or our weekly dates at home with out the kids (after they go to bed we make a dinner or something)

Answer 7

I understand your guilt.... I also have a 5 month old and we leave her with Grandma every friday night for a few hours. I hated it at first, but later realized how important it was. My husband and I needed time for us. We used this time to go out on the lake, to a movie, and to other things. It reunited us and gave time to just be us again. The most important thing you can do for your sons is to love your wife. Make time for her.... she needs time with you too.

Be the dad to your sons that you never had. Love your wife and in the process teach your sons how important marriage, commitment, and loving your spouse is. Your boys will be happy in a happy home. (and I am sure your wife will appreciate it too!!)

Answer 8

It's hard to say why you're feeling guilty.  But unless you're going out and getting trashed and/or doing something else that would make it difficult for you to effectively care for your children, please don't feel guilty.  Think of it this way - when you and your wife go out every now and then, it give you time to relax.  Being relaxed will make you a better parent.  So you're actually doing something good for your kids by getting away every now and then.  So go make arrangements with a responsible babysitter, and take your wife out for dinner and a movie.  With two little ones at home, you definitely deserve it.  Have fun!

Answer 9

I feel the same way. My kids are now 7 and 9 and honestly it has only been in the last year or so I can go out with my husband and not feel this way. It is just a part of parenthood. The more you do it the easier it gets, it gets easier as they get older as well. Listen to me the more you do it, my hubby and I probably leave our kids 3 or 4 times a year LOL We have no life aside from our kids, but he works so much it is important to us to be family together when he is not.

Answer 10

I feel the same way, it's part of the reason my husband and I haven't been out since our 5 month old son was born, lol.  I think all good parents feel a little guilty about having fun w/o their kids.  If your kids are "1st" on your priority list, it's no wonder you feel this way.

Answer 11

Obviously, we all do. I have been divorced with my little daught'er father and I am happily single, think I would stay like that for the rest of my life because of that feeling of guilt you're talking about. :)

anyway when I take sometime off for myself and go out (usually in the day time), I always make sure to get her a present or something special with me, and it helps a lot when I see her excitement. So find something that can make you feel less guilty by giving them extra time the next day or a speacial treat or something.

Answer 12

absolutely it's because of that.  You grew up feeling that your father didn't care about you and was never around, and your mother too.  Now, you are determined to not do that with your sons.  Which is admirable.  Consider this, being a good father is about spending time with your children and making sure they know you love them, but you also want to give them limits, and teach them to be self reliant and responsible so they can grow up to be capable adults.  Going out with your wife once in awhile, strengthens the relationship you have with each other, which makes a happier home.  It also teaches your children that they are ok when you are not around which gives them confidence.  Try to remind yourself that the guilt about leaving them is about your issues, and not because you are being a bad parent.  I think alot of us feel guilty going out, I know I do, but I leave them with their grandparents, and they always have a good time.  It is much harder on us then it is on them.

Answer 13

I'm scared that if me & hubby go to the movies or something that we'll get in a car accident on the way there then our daughter will be orphaned for a stupid movie that we could wait to watch on HBO.

That being said you have to take your wife out or else she'll go crazy.

Answer 14

Oh, bless you! I can tell you from experience that having less than adequate parents really does make you do everything in your power to do the best for your children. When I feel that is not happening (usually, like you, for no real reason at all), it makes me feel very guilty, too. I think that it is just that we want to make sure we don't repeat our parents mistakes and it makes us hyper-sensitive to situations that most parents wouldn't even think about. Your boys know you love them and are there for them, but you need a break, too! Don't beat yourself up, you are not YOUR parents, something I tell myself daily!

Answer 15

I know what you ae saying. i have a 2 year old. and i know i dont like leaving him behind... he is spoiled to death. I know some people dont think this way... but i also hae 2 kittens and a dog i consider children... they get everything... only the best food and toys, and i feel bad about taking them to the boarding place while we are on vacatioon. I hire someone to come to my home to care for them just so they can stay home and not be in a cage.

you two as parents need time for your selves. I would just not worry about it. know when you are home with them that you are spoiling them plenty so that you can go out. They also need time with out you!

Answer 16

I know exactly how you feel! I can't leave for very long without wanting to get back home to my son, and he's 8!

I think when they're little they need more attention but its very important that parents get out too.

You're a terrific dad if you feel this way.

Answer 17

I feel the exact same way! I don't think it has anything to do with your upbringing. Both of my parents were there when I was growing up and I had a great childhood, but yet I still feel this way about leaving my daughter to go out. I always feel as if I should be spending that time with her instead, but yet I know that my husband and I need that time alone together. I guess it just means that we're good parents!