Does anybody else hate it when complete strangers call you "honey" or "sweetie"?

Question

That happens a lot on this forum. Did you know that's a way for people struggling with self esteem and intimacy issues to make a connection with complete strangers? Even when they are attacking them. I know everyone has met somebody who does this. I'm thinking "I don't know you. Please don't call me honey."

Anybody else tired of people on this forum doing that?

Answer 1

Actually I think it's kind of nice.  It gives a friendlier feeling to the place.

It's a lot better than some of the other terms I've heard around here.

Answer 2

It doesnt bother me, most of my female teachers call me sweetie, and my grandmother has always called me that, so I am use to it.

Answer 3

Not just on here, but I hate it when sales clerks call me sweetie or hun.

Answer 4

Babe, i do that all the time!!!

It's called being personable. Sometimes it helps with the connection, since this is all writing on the wall and no facial features or body language to go by. I use terms of endeerment to let people know that i sympathize with their issue, whether my answer is positive or negative.

I think it's more creepy when old men do it.

Answer 5

If it truly bothers you....why engage?

Answer 6

It very much depends on the age of the person doing the "honey"-ing and "sweety"-ing. Older people often call people honey or sweety and think nothing of it. That's part of their culture. If a younger man were to do so, however, I would be creeped out and avoid the person thereafter.

Answer 7

As another poster said, I only do it to degrade people when complete strangers are being rude to me.  "Honey, you really are one to talk about education when you can't even write a sentence correctly..."  Most people who do it know that the other person will hate it which is the reason they do.  LOL!  If someone is being smart with me I just try to kill them with kindness which is very hard at times.

Answer 8

How does this question relate to adoption, sweetie?? ;)

And, for the record...calling people honey, sweetie, doll or any other cutsie names does not mean people are "struggling with their self esteem". I have plenty of self esteem and I always call people names like that. I've not once been told that I've offended someone and I always get a smile out of them. That's the main reason I do it...to make people smile...not to offend them. :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

~Kendra Sweetie~

Answer 9

I am one of those people who say it. I am sorry its a habbit after working with kids.

Answer 10

As others have said, it depends on who is saying it and the context. If I'm in the South or talking to someone from the South, then there is no way I'd be offended. That's just regular talk, and when I'm there, I tend to talk that way too. Likewise with older people, from whom I usually find it rather sweet. And waitresses and other service people tend to use it in a very non-offensive fashion, and I mostly don't even notice it much.

I guess I'm usually not offended unless the person is intending to offend me. I find it refreshing that some that have answered are honest enough to say that they sometimes they are intentionally trying to offend. The kind of sort of sarcastic use they are talking about I think might be seen as offensive more because it seems condescending--rather than because of a false sense of intimacy. That kind of use doesn't seem offensive to me exactly, but yeah, being condescended to can be pretty annoying, because if you protest you end up seeming like an easily offended wimp.

The use that really does bother me is the sexist kind of use. This is condescending also, but to me it has a nastier edge. These are the kind of men that tell me to "smile" when I'm just thinking about something. Why is it women are supposed to smile all the time, anyway?

And then of course there is the use someone else has mentioned, trying to reach out and console someone or offer some comfort. I do that, and I certainly don't mean to offend and am very sorry if I have. It is interesting that I don't think I do that very much in person--just online. I think maybe that is because if it is in person I can just hug them and look at them in a way that shows how sorry I am. But when I only have text to indicate my feelings, then I sometimes to use "honey" to try and break through the barrier and reach out to someone.

So maybe that is sort of like what you mentioned--trying to make a sense of intimacy that isn't really there. I'm not sure about the self-esteem issues, though. I think most people that say "honey" or "sweetie" just talk that way out of habit and it means nothing psychological about them at all. Or they are being condescending and attacking and while that may indicate poor self-esteem, I don't think there is necessarily a connection there.

I don't think I've been called honey or sweetie on this board. If it is said by someone intending to be condescending--well then maybe I'd find it annoying. But probably the rest of what what they are saying would annoy me at least as much or more, because would be intending to annoy me. Sometimes I do let things like that get under my skin. And I really do hate it that I let things like that bother me, especially when they are intending to annoy and I let them--arrggghhh! It is sort of like when my little sister would try to bug me--and she almost always could! I hate it that I'm giving my own power away like that!

Answer 11

"I am tired of people who blame all their problems on being called honey"

Quote from one amazing chickie, a true sweetie I am proud to call honey!

Answer 12

Honey that is a southerner expression.  You must be  a yankee.  Sweetie, visit the south and you will see what I am talking about.  What the heck is this doing in the adoption section.

Answer 13

I can't say I hate it but it is weird.  It happens a lot to me in restaurants by usually older waitresses.

Being too annoyed by complete strangers is as bad as calling a complete stranger honey.

Answer 14

Nah, I'm pretty laid-back and mellow by nature so I don't mind when people use endearing terms. There are much worse things in the world to bunch my panties then someone calling me honey.

Answer 15

I think you might need to get over yourself a bit.  You can convince yourself that people with low self esteem only use that term, but it appears that YOU are the one who is insecure.

I mean really, who gets bothered by that?  Get a life!

Oh and why is it that you are so paranoid about Joy M having multiple profiles?  is it because YOU have multiple profiles?

Answer 16

I'm guilty of it. I use it when I'm feeling motherly towards someone or know that I'm older than someone else or they really are sweet. I live in the south and always liked it when ladies said it to me when I was little.

Now if someone is using it to belittle and degrade someone else, yes. They're being rude, spiteful, and condescending.

Answer 17

Not from the south but I thoroughly enjoy my business trips there where I am treated like a distinguished lady due to my position in my organization.  (They would drop their jaws if they saw the little dirt farm where I grew up.).

I would much rather be called a "honey" or "sweetie" than a n**i who should have been sterilized at birth.  I guess it all depends on your perspective.

Answer 18

WOW - you really need to get a life.

Answer 19

Is this the 'adoption' section?

This seems like a question for Emily Post...

Is this your biggest problem, the day before Thanksgiving?  Instead of reflecting about all the things you're thankful for, you're obsessing about someone using a term of endearment to address you?

Obviously you don't live in the American South like I do--you be offended ALL the time, sugar!

Answer 20

I am sorry you feel that way.  To me it is a term of friendship and endearment.  No I don't think that people that use this phrase are struggling with self esteem and intimacy issued, I think they are probably like myself.   I don't often call anybody honey, but when I do it is because I like them, or they may be laughing at a child, doing something nice, being nice to the cashier.  Maybe the cashier is being nice to the customer and she calls them "honey".

I am confused as to why you take an innocent, endearing remark and turn it into something negative.  You cannot put everybody in a box and say because they say "honey" they have something emotionally wrong with them.  My husband and I love people and children and are always talking to them and smiling at those that are making this world a better place.

If we could turn the negativity into something positive, and think that maybe the people that use that word, are kind, gentle, giving people, that mean no harm to anyone and are pretty well adjusted and happy.

Please don't pick on the positive words, eak out the negative, vulgar, crude, prejudicial, sarcastic, bigoted words, and then it will mean something.

Be happy!

Peace and love

Answer 21

Oh yes I hate that, I much prefer being called an anti-adoption n**i. In fact I've asked my husband to please start calling me his little n**i.

Answer 22

Honey, you need to get over your little foibles.  It is actually a common cultural practice.  It's a whole lot better than saying hey you.

Answer 23

I confess to using "sweetie" when addressing someone here who I think is in emotional turmoil. It is my way of giving a hug or pat on the back since the written word is all I have. If I've used it with you, I'm sorry if I've offended you.

Answer 24

I'm sure when adopters and their little adoptlings meet for the first time there are a few terms of endearment used and they are complete strangers! KWIM?

Does that mean the adopters have low self esteem then?  if they meet a strangers child and immediately start calling them "sweetie cutie honey pie" etc etc etc

Or do they just say "GOTCHA!"  (not so endearing)

Answer 25

I don't know about other areas, but here in the south it's just a common term used in a friendly atmosphere.

I don't believe your self-esteem claim for a minute, though, seeing as it's usually out-going, friendly people that feel comfortable enough to use a term of endearment.

If you have a problem with someone calling you honey or sweetie, say something. I work in a restaurant and use those terms often. If someone told me it made them uncomfortable, I would apologize and refrain from using those terms on them. However, if you don't speak up, it's your own fault that it happens repeatedly.

Answer 26

I find it sweet & endearing.

Answer 27

I say "hun" as a form of degrading someone.  Like: "You may want to stay awake during spelling/grammar class, hun."

Answer 28

This is an abysmally petty question and unrelated to adoption, unless you are actually acknowledging that many adopted people end up with self-esteem and intimacy issues.  Which they do.  Because their feelings and losses are so often dismissed by their adoptive parents - like some we see here on this forum.  Is that why you posted this in the Adoption section?