Does anybody have a adoptive baby + a baby of your own??

Question

witch one do you love more and why?? i want to try to adopt one but my mother tells me its not the same... that i should just have kids of my own, but the way the world is now i dont want to bring more kids into this world i want to help one that is already here ... do you agree... im not married and no boyfriend i am 23 yrs.

Answer 1

I have 2 sons...One adopted & one I bore.I feel love for both my children,& recommend adoption to anyone that loves children.LOL

Answer 2

I have 3 bio kids and 2 adopted children. I do not love all of my children the same, not even my bio kids. I love them all differently just as I love my husband, grandparents, siblings, friends, etc differently. I don't think of it in terms of more or less. I just love them. I don't have a favorite or least favorite child. We have only had my adopted son for a few months and he is 8 1/2 so he and I are just beginning to form a relationship and a bond, but we are getting there. It takes time. I do love him, very much, but our bond needs time to grow naturally. I feel very bonded to my 3 year old who we adopted over a year ago. I have great confidence my bond with my son will grow to be the same. I would very literally die for any of my children. They're all amazing, and beautiful, wonderful, unique and I'm quite lucky to have all 5.

Answer 3

A REAL mother loves her children equally.  If there is a doubt that someone could have that kind of unconditional love, then she should not adopt, and perhaps she should rethink parenting altogether.

Answer 4

the only difference in adopting a baby and giving birth is that one comes from under your heart and one comes to grow in your heart. just because you did not bear the child does not make a difference. My sister adopted a baby and then 3 years later had one herself and she does not seem to choose. she has 2 beautiful girls. God let her be a mother and that is what counts.

Answer 5

You are twenty three years old...  I'm not one to promote traditional families or anything, so I'm not saying that you should wait for a man to have a child, but you are 23!!  Give it a little time.  Wait until you are more settled in your life and are sure of the choices you make.  I guarantee that what you want will change regularly over the next few years.  Not to mention the financial stability that comes with giving these decisions a little more time.

Answer 6

I will tell you.  I was adopted as a baby.  Parents will try to treat you the same.  For the most part they do.  But My folks had another son 14 months after they brought me home.  To this day he is still their baby.  40 years later

Answer 7

I have a 6 year old birth daughter and a 5 month old adopted daughter. I feel the same amount of love and pride for both of my girls, but I do understand not everybody has the capacity to love a child who isn't from their own body. I appreciate that I got to experience a pregnancy, and I appreciate that I could care for my second child without feeling like I got hit by a big truck.They are both very wanted and I can't tell that there is any difference in the love I feel for them. It's all the same love, their mommy's, and it comes straight from my heart.

Answer 8

I HATE the term, "of your own."   No offense to you, just saying in general.  What's an adopted child then?  A pet?  

A GOOD parent will never chose which child they love more, because the love will be equal for ALL children they have.  An adopted child is NOTHING less or more then a biological one.  They are both humans and both deserve to be loved.

Answer 9

I have 4 adoptive children and 1 bio child and I love them all the same. It takes more than giving birth to make you a mother and a mothers love is not restricted to only the children she gives birth to. I am sorry to say your mother is misinformed. All I can say about you adopting is that you need to consider how hard it is to be a single mom before you pursue this. Doc have you considered that he is the baby simply because he is the baby and that has nothing whatso ever to do with you and your adoption. The youngest child is always treated differenty just like th oldest. Well worded Possom.

Answer 10

I adopted my daughter. We were told we were unable to have a baby ourselves. Lo and behold, 9 months later, I was pregnant.

It was a huge shock, because at the time I found out, we were beginning our 2nd adoption process. I was pretty emotional as I had my family 'planned' so we would only be adopting at this stage. A pregnancy did not fit in with my idea of my family then.

My pregnancy was brilliant. After getting used to the idea of a biological child entering our family, I loved every moment. The birth was amazing.

I think, as a parent of an adopted and biological child, I have the best of both worlds. I am so blessed to have my little girl (from Ethiopia - would love to go back so bad, and will when she is a bit older). She is a bright, clever, beautiful and loving little girl who adores her little brother.

To have experienced pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding (I wish I had breastfed my daughter!) with my son is also a gift. I experienced my son growing up from birth, which I didn't with my daughter. She was 6 months old when we met her.

Bonding is a little different, but in the end, my love for my daughter is so overwhelming sometimes. I love her and want everything for her. One day we will go back and meet her aunties back in Ethiopia.

For my son, whom I also love to bits, I believe he is also really blessed to have his sister. His life will be fuller for having her in it and being able to share in her birth culture and experiences. He adores her and I love nothing more than seeing them both playing together and seeing the way they love each other.

Do some research on bonding with adopted children and babies. Find out as much as you can about adoption to prepare yourself. The more prepared you are, the better for you, your partner and your new baby. All the best.

Good on you. I hope that you are successful with your family in the future. God bless.

Here are a few links that are worth reading. Do a search using 'bonding in adoption' or 'attachment in adoption'. This will provide more links.

Answer 11

Oh my, where to start with an answer to your question.

First "witch one do you love more and why???   My dear girl I have five adopted children and one  pregnancy.

I love them all equally. I only hope your mother is not talking from experience, because if so, no wonder you are confused. There was no difference when they put the little baby in my arms when he was five days old, to when I had my youngest child by Cesarean . They are all adults now, the youngest being my only pregnancy and her five older brothers and sisters all love each other very moch and would do anything for each other.  They are all, in their own unique way, happy, content.  They are wonderful parents and I now have 12 grandchildren.  All my children are interacial, except for my pregnancy.  I am their mother, all of them and I love all of them equally.  You cannot have an adopted child and feel any different towards them than you do if you give birth to a child.  If you do, then there is something very wrong.

I remember hearing people saying "These are my own children and this is my adopted child."   I cringed and felt so sad for that child.  I always said "These are my children".  End of comment.   If in the future you do "bring children into this world" you can beat the odds by being  the best mother possible.Which in itself will help the world to heal.  We need more loving families in the world and it can start with all of us individually.  

Being a parent is the most important job in this world and my children know how much they are loved..

Answer 12

A mother loves all of their children the same. There is no true better or worst situation. When you become a mother, you will learn that. It's really not something you can explain or understand until you hold your child in your arms.

A friend of mine has an adopted son and a birth daughter. She loves them with all of her heart-not one more than the other.

Adoption is a wonderful gift to all parties involved.

The best thing I have ever heard someone say about adoption is that an adopted child is simply born from the heart. Just because they do not come from your body, means nothing--you will see if you make the decision to adopt.

Good luck to you.

Answer 13

I think your mother is right in most cases.  I am an adopted adult who also has a brother who is adopted.

My parents had 2 of their own children who were treated very differently than we were treated.  They were favored A LOT.

It is also very difficult to grow up in a home with a biological family when you're an adopted person--it just deepens the isolation and your 'differentness'.

And everything Mary S says about modern day adoption is TRUE.

Answer 14

This is a hard question because in the end some adoptive parents will put their "own" child first. I don't think it is on purpose, but it happens. Frankly the children most people think they are saving, don't need saving. Adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem for most mothers. Adopt an older child who actually needs a home, not an infant that in most cases was gotten by coercion through the adoption industry. There thousands of children in Foster Care who do need a home and a good parent or parents. Most of them languish there because they are seen as "Damaged goods" yes children in this country are treated as products, sad as that is to believe it is true. Think very hard and learn all you can before you make a decision of this sort.

Answer 15

my cousin adopted 4 and has 2 of her own and it's very obvious she loves them all the same and i think it's a great and exceptional thing to do .it takes very special people to adopt .

Answer 16

I was adopted into a family that already had 2 bio kids - but they were 13 and 14 years older than I.

Now - I don't think they treated me differently - but when I was growing up - I always worried that they loved me less.

That's just how it is for adoptees.

We have rejection issues because our bio mothers gave us up - that hurts the heart and the mind.

We carry those rejection issues throughout our lives.

We worry if we do something wrong - we will be rejected just like our mothers rejected us.

We may have been given up for adoption for 'good' reasons - in the eyes of society - but it still doesn't make it hurt any less.

If you one day choose to adopt - please adopt a child that really needs to be adopted - such as from Foster care.

I think what also hurts for adoptees - is when they're compared constantly with the bio kids (if there are any) as bio kids have the same genetic makeup as the parents - and are therefore going to be of similar characteristics - both physically and emotionally to you, the parent - whereas adoptees come from (usually) completely different genetic background. It would be hurtful and unfair to make such comparisons.

Answer 17

I commend you for being concerned about bringing more children into an over-populated world.

Just have one child of your own, or better yet life a childfree life. There are many ways to help children without becoming a parent.

Don't adopt.