Does anybody have any good quotations smart funny ones?

Question

Does anybody have any good quotations smart funny ones?

Answer 1

Drive like h**l and you'll get there.

I don't want to be happy, I want to be with you!

You're not as stupid as you look!

Answer 2

Confucius, Him say that woman who flies aeroplane upside down will have crack up.

Answer 3

"Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car." - Garrison Keillor

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." - Mark Twain

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." - Herm Albright

"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the h**l she is." - Ellen DeGenerous

Answer 4

an alcoholic is someone you don't like that drinks as much as you do

Dylan Thomas

Answer 5

When the sun sets over the saucer of milk the owl will sing to the pussycat.

Answer 6

"It's not that I'm lazy...it's that I just don't care." - Peter, 'Office Space'

"Wow, she really has fat thighs. It's a good thing her stomach covers them."

Answer 7

"get in my belly" fat b*****d on austin powers

Confucius say "man who stand on toilet is high on pot"

the light at the end of the tunnel has been temporarily turned off due to the cut in government spending (by idk)

Answer 8

I like the following:

"When life hands you lemons, you learn to make lemonade"

"If you don't like my peaches, don't shake my tree."

"Every time a friend of mine succeeds a little piece of me dies’ -- Gore Vidal

"Those that matter, dont care, and those that care, dont matter."

-- unknown

Answer 9

hmmmm. "today will be cancelled due to lack of interest"

Answer 10

God,if you can't make me skinny please make my friends fat..