Does anyone believe in adoption?

Question

does anyone think it is a good thing?

Answer 1

In a perfect world, adoption would never be necessary.  Every child would be born to parents that were willing and able to be parents. No child would be orphaned by war, famine or disease.  

But we don't live in a perfect world.

Adoption can be the next best thing, in a lot of cases.  Not in every case, because adoption certainly isn't a perfect system.  If an adoption is done legally, ethically and respectfully, it can be a good thing.

The entire concept of adoption is so broad, with so many subtleties that it's impossible to say unilaterally, that it is always a good thing, or always a bad thing.

So my answer: It can be.

Answer 2

I do! I'm actually am going to adopt when I am older because there's so many children out there that need to be adopted and so I am going to be one of the parents who will instead of having my own. It is a good thing to adopt because some of them move from foster home to foster home and it probably takes a toll on some of them having to get close to a family then having to go to another new family.

Answer 3

I do not think it's a good thing.  I think sometimes it's a necessary thing, but that doesn't make it good.  It's not "good" to lose one's parents, no matter the reason, and to be brought up by strangers who can't provide a genetic mirror.  Yes, most adoptive families are happy, healthy, and provide a positive place for children to grow up, but the bottom line is that if the child's parents had been [alive, non-abusive, able to care for them, emotionally stable, etc.], the child wouldn't have needed other parents in the first place.  So no, adoption itself is NOT a good thing.

Answer 4

It's something that's needed, but used far more than neccesary.

People 'say' they think of the child, but they very rarely do.

Usually it's 'we need a child for our family, we want xyz...'

Because people are asking/buying their children, they have an idea of what they want. They 'need' a child that's xyz.

When the child isn't what they want, they are dissapointed or try to make the child into what they want.

It's a good thing.... for few people.

It's the best of a bad situation for most.

Answer 5

It can be. But sometimes it's not

Penicillin is a good thing, but it almost killed me.

If adoption were just so great, ther wouldn't be so many hurt adoptees. There wouldn't be irreversably damaged first parents.

Before adoption happens, there had to be a loss.

When someone gets a heart transplant, someone has to die to make it happen.

Not respecting that fact that there is a loss only make it worse for those who are trying to heal.

Answer 6

only if it's done to provide a parentless child a parent, not a childless person with a child, for profit.

for me, adoption is far too nuanced and situational to give a blanket 'yes/no' answer to. below are the following situations that i think it's fine and not fine.

yes:

-foster adoption

-older child adoption

-true orphan adoption (not "made orphans"....baby's stolen at birth and placed in orphanages for adoption.)

no:

-newborn adoption with prebirth placement

-international adoption with "questionable" backgrounds (eg. madonna's son david)

-inter-racial adoption without cultural sensitivity training.

Answer 7

i think it is better for children to stay with their parents. Sometimes that is not possible because they cannot be good parents and they have proven to be abusive or neglectful and then that is when i think adoption is right.

Answer 8

Without adoption about 130,000 more kids yearly would be without a true home. that would mean that over 200,000 children would be in need of a home every year.  If that doesn't give you the info you need then YES I believe in adoption.

Answer 9

I am surprised and dismayed by many of the answers here saying that adoption is "usually" a bad thing.  There are MANY types of adoption.  Yes, it is true that there are lots of infertile couples paying lots of money to adopt healthy white babies from living birthmoms.  I won't get into that scenario, because it's been discussed.

HOWEVER there are also many families all over the world who are adopting true orphans.  These children could be orphaned due to AID's, parental death, or they could be "wards of the state", which is just a nice word that the US uses for foster children who cannot be reunited.  In these cases, adoption always benefits the child.  Believe me, I have been to orphanages in Haiti, Africa, and India, and those are no places for a child to grow up.  A loving family is always better than an institution.

I think many parents would be offended by the implication that adoptive parents just do this for themselves.  There are a growing number of families who are choosing to adopt waiting children, and not due to infertility.  In my family, we have gone to great lengths to bring a child home from an orphanage in Haiti, and it has certainly not been a game of "picking out" or buying a perfect child like some have suggested. We have also adopted a foster child who the state had difficulty placing.  Both these children had no where to go.  There are children like this all over the world who desperately need homes.

So to those who say they don't "believe" in adoption, I say try visiting a few orphanages in a 3rd world country and see what you can do to be part of the solution, instead of perpetuating ideas that don't help anyone.

Answer 10

i believe adoption is wonderful. bc there are so many unplanned unwanted babies in this world and there are still so many couples wanting kids that cant have them. Adoption allows parents that want kids but cant to be parents and hold "their" baby for the first time.

Answer 11

Of course. There are so many children in the world who need a loving parent(s). If I was in the financial/relation position to adopt, I definitely would. However, for the sake of the child, I would probably want an open or similar adoption, so they can still feel connected if possible to their cultural background, if different from yours. A lady I work adopted her daughter as a baby from Korea. Then last year (her daughter is 19 now) she took her to Korea to try and find her birth parents. They did and it was an amazing experiance for all involved. To me, that is one of the most beautiful things.

Answer 12

Believe in it?

Hector P Updike  No.

I never have thought of it as a good thing.

In my eyes a very sad thing in fact.

A sad and most of the time unnecessary evil.

Answer 13

I think it is awesome as long as it is the right situation.

I adopted 4 years ago. The birthmother was only 15 years old, her parents were going through a nasty divorce and had no money at all.  She knew she wanted to finish high school, go to college, and live a normal life. She had no real family support because of all their problems. She wanted what was best for her child.

My husband and I had gone through many failed infertility attempts and decided to adopt a child.  We have a great relationship with our sons birthmother and see her as much as we can.  

I believe in being honest with the children about being adopted. The sooner they know and understand the better.

Answer 14

I think it is! Because what if that child was abused or in a home where nobody loved her like most families would. You would have a chance to show that child that there is hope in this world and that yur ready to give all the love he/she needs! If you ever choose to adopt you will make a kid happy! :)

Answer 15

Many infant adoptions are unnecessary. Separating a mother and child unnecessarily is NOT a good thing.

But, google "adoption" and you will get hundreds of hits - mainly from adoption agencies - that sell the myth of how beautiful adoption is. The agencies paying clients are the adoptive parents - adoption is usually a good thing for them - so that is the message that most people get because agencies advertise the "wonders of adoption".

In 2000, Marketdata Enterprises estimated the adoption industry at $1.4 Billion/year and estimated it's growth through 2004 at 11.5%. If you compound the 11.5% (probably a conservative number given the increase in international adoptions) through 2008 that puts the industry at over $5 Billion/year.

When people are making money on our sons and daughters I don't think it's a good thing.

Answer 16

It can be in some cases.  And it can also be terrible.

For us, it was a blessing for our son, his original family, and for us.  Our son was truly not "wanted".  He experienced neglect and abuse before and immediately following his birth.  The state was going to step in and place him in foster care.  The original family found us through a friend, knew we were trying to start a family and had been unsuccessful.  They chose us to be the parents of their child.  We have a wonderfully open relationship with his biological grandparents, including them as an extended part of our family.  So in our son's situation, we do truly feel (as do the biological grandparents) that the adoption saved our son's life.  

Yet, we also know several situations where adoption was not as positive.  We understand how blessed we are in our situation.

Answer 17

It's absolutely a wonderful thing, when it's done legally.  I adopted my little girl a year ago on July 17th & it was a very smooth process.

All I have to do is look into her beautiul face & know how wonderful adoption is.

**EDIT** - Isn't it funny that all of us who believe in adoption & have positive experiences with it are getting the 'thumbs down'???

Answer 18

Yes, absolutely. Unfortunately, the international adoptions are becoming more unethical then ever and laws to protect women and their children need to be established to help them stay together.

There are too many children in need of a loving home but they are the ones being passed off because too many adoptive parents don't want to care for a child truly in need.

Answer 19

yes it is an amazing thing. i gave my son up for adoption. im 16, i cant raise a baby.and  personally i would prefer he lived with sable happy people than me. i couldnt give him what he needed...

Answer 20

Amen to Phil and Gaia.

Is adoption a good thing? For the PAPs/APs - of course

For the natural parents - sometimes

For the adoptee - almost never.

Everyone here talks about how adoption is wonderful because you get to give an "unloved and unwanted" child a home, but if you take a look, there are 500,000 kids waiting in foster care and almost no one is looking at them. No, instead, people are waiting in line for a newborn and natural parents are getting tricked/coerced/circumnavigated (in the case of fathers) because demand is so high. I'm sorry, but I just can agree that adoption is for the sake of the child.

BTW, I am deeply offended by the assumption that PAPs/APs are resuing "unwanted" babies. I want my son with all my heart and I have been fighting for him for almost 5months and counting.

Answer 21

Dear JayElle,

Adoption is very real and a part of my life so I have no choice but to "believe"in it.

Is it a good thing? Not in my life. But it depends on who you ask who is LIVING it.

(Did you know 61% of Americans have a direct relationship to an adoptive situation? Did you know that appoximately 2% of the world's population either has a falsified family history or simply doesn't know?)

Adoptions are like snowflakes and people. They are all different.

Answer 22

i believe that is is a good option for couples that have always wanted to have a family, but for some reason can not have children. it is also safer for mothers who do not want their babies, to give the child up for adoption, rather than abort it. the unwanted baby can go into a loving family that has wanted a baby forever. so yes, i feel that in the right circumstance adoption is a good option.

Answer 23

I believe in it.  I have found how destructive it can be from visiting this site.  No one should have to live with the idea that they were not wanted by their birth family.  I've learned how harmful that is from this site.  I hope that learning that has helped me be a better sounding board for my adopted children.  My children wanted to be adopted.  Being separated all the time and moving from one placement to another was hard enough that even a 3 and 5 year old knew they wanted a stable home and parents.  It doesn't change the fact that one of them hates that her bio parents couldn't get their act together long enough to ever get their children back.  The other one is glad that they couldn't.  So, yes, I believe in adoption.  There are many children out there that not only live with the fact that their bio family didn't want them, but the fact that no one else does either!  How can that be a good thing?  So, we need more adoptive parents to make sure those children that want a home have a home.

Answer 24

yes it iss a wonderful thing. we adopted a baby girl, and we know god ment for us to have her. she is part of the family now! also, adoption saves childrens lives, and the alternative is that they live on the streets as beggers.

Answer 25

Yes, I do believe in it. Obviously, it's a great thing for someone who has never had a family (because their parents died or abandoned him).

Answer 26

it is a very good thing especiallly since there is over population in this world and so raising a child that's already here is a great thing to do.the thing that humans don't really get, the cause to destruction, is SO many humans are over populating everywhere. adoption is the way to go.

Answer 27

I think it's good.  Instead of having an abortion, a woman who can't care for a baby can have the baby and put it up on adoption.  There are many families waiting to adopt.  I am not saying that the fact that abandoned children are going to have emotional problems is good.  I am saying that the good in adoption is that it makes a way that involves not killing a human being and abandoned children can be given a chance in the world.  It is a sad experience being sent to another family but it is better than being killed or being let go to waste as an orphan.

Answer 28

Im a birth mom and I wouldn't change my decision for anything. My child is in a better home then what I could provide for him. He gets to go all over the united states and take vacations all over. He will be 4 on Dec. 28th and in his short life he has been to the Jersey shore 3 times, DisneyLand, and other places. He lives in PA and his adoptive parents are the best people I have ever met. I keep in contact with them to this day and I think I made the best decision. I know he is being well took care of, he is loved unconditionally, he is very well fed, he has everything he could ever imagine and more. I think that some people are just to hard headed to believe that other people have different beliefs then they do and they automatically judge people for their choices. I think that adoption is a trillion times better then abortion, abortion is MURDER!!!! I understand that there are certain situations when a women would rather have an abortion BUT either way, in my book I would put my child up for adoption before anyone tried to kill my child. No matter what is wrong with that baby there is ALWAYS some one out in this world that would bend over backwards to make sure that child was well took care of. It just really upsets me when I hear people say negitive things about adoption. Im sorry if you had a bad exprience with being an adopted child or whatever but just because you had a bad experiance does not mean that every one else in this world will... Believe it or not there are some people in this world that will care for a child that might have downsyndrome, some type of cancer, or any other disability. Every baby needs love and caring and every child deserves the best life they can get. You might not agree with MY beliefs or opinions but you know what, I don't need you too. I believe what I believe and I have my own opinions and I dont need someone telling me how to feel or believe. I know my child is in a really good home and has a better life THROUGH adoption then what he could have here with me. I'll never regret putting him up for adoption one bit because he has been more places in his short 3 1/2 years of life then I have in my almost 25 years.

I know that there are times that women feel like abortion is the way to go but in all honesty, abortion hurts more then adoption. When you place a child up for adoption you have the option of being able to keep in any type of contact with the family after wards. You can have an open, semi-open or closed adoption. I used American Adoptions and they were so nice and helped me through it all. My social worker called me almost every day to check on me after wards, mostly because of the holidays, but it still helped me knowing that there was someone besides a family member out there that cared about me.

Answer 29

Of course, especially those children who are in foster care. . . just waiting to have a family!

Answer 30

i believe in it .. and as far as it  being good. only the person being adopted would knoe that everyone has a story to tell .. some maybe good and people could have been thru it all!!

i knoe i was adpoted and wow .. i been thru some good times and  some  bad times more bad than good tho ...

Answer 31

In a perfect world, only people who were able and willing to be good parents would have children, but it doesn't work out that way. Adoption isn't a perfect solution - plenty of adoptees, birth parents, and even adoptive parents will be happy to tell you all the reasons why. However, it can frequently be the best option currently available to someone, given their current circumstances.

My husband was the result of an accidental pregnancy - his older siblings were almost done with high school when he was born. His parents did the "right thing" and raised him themselves, but he often says he wishes they'd placed him for adoption so he wasn't raised by someone who openly and frequently treated him as a burden they hadn't particularly wanted. Would he have been equally traumatized by an adoption? No one can possibly know - there's no alternate universe where we get to check our answers. But when he and I got pregnant after doing our very best not to (including getting turned down by 3 physicians who were just sure we'd "change our minds" about having children and refused to perform sterilizations), we decided it was better to let Aidan live with a family who really wanted him and could love and appreciate him for himself than to raise him in a toxic environment where he experienced himself as an unwanted burden.

Since I wasn't stalked by an agency, lied to by the adoptive parents, or pushed into a decision by an embarrassed parent or overbearing social worker, I continue to believe adoption was the best option *available in that particular situation*. That doesn't make it all good, all the time, or guarantee that Aidan will agree with us later on.