Does anyone deal with emotional abuse?

Question

I'm trying to get out of a relationship. My boyfriend is verbally and emotionally abusive. He says horrible things to me. I've given this relationship 100% but its not enough. I love him so much and would do anything for him. He'll get so mad and yell at me and the next morning he'll apologize. I feel stupid and naive for putting up with him. He just makes me feel worthless. I was always the kind of person who told myself I would never put up with someone who treated me badly. It seems like he has some kind of a hold on me I cant explain. Some sort of attachment from the abuse. Does that make sense to anyone? Anyone ever been through this?

Answer 1

Wow. That is so crazy you posted this question. I am going through the same thing. I try and change him but he is still abusive. My ex has the same patterns. Be an a** at night and then tell me how he is going to treat me so good. bs. I am done. It has been 3 years of waste for me life is way too short to deal with jerks. I can relate to the worthless feeling in my opinion he is not worth it. I finally after 3 years have come to this conclusion. It is so crazy. I can relate to your situation 100 percent. I always said if a man laid hands on me I would leave. 10 bruises and a forehead scar later. I can tell you what it is. You love him and want to bbelievehe will be better. He won't trust me it is a pattern among many. It makes perfect ssenseto me. Here is a saying that helped me: "decide you want it more than you are afraid of it." I had to decide I wanted my dignity and respect more than I wanted a loser.  

Answer 2

the attachment is love. it's understandable but this will probably got get better. for your own sake you better consider what to do quickly

Answer 3

Okay. First of all, you're saying that you love him so much. The fact is, you cannot love someone if you don't know how to love yourself. Which is clearly what's happening right now. You are letting him abuse you emotionally and verbally. Why are putting up with this guy? You are so wasting your time on him. If he is really sorry for what he did to you, he will never do it again. And what's worse is he is making you feel worthless. Do you not love yourself? You're starting to take pity on yourself, which is not good. So, use your head. Think. A man who loves her woman wouldn't do something like that to her.

Answer 4

Simple. LEAVE HIM!

Answer 5

Yea,it is no fun right. Sometimes you just get into a pattern when you are being abused,now is the time too break it off with him before he starts the violence. Get and order of protection from him if you need too. Get a gun and learn how to shoot it,at a firing range.But be sure to get it registered first. Get and alarm-system and a big dog for protection as well,be sure he is taught to attack on command.If you have a house get good light's inside and outside,are if it is an apartment,make sure you use your peek-hole and make sure your porch light is a bright one.Also get new locks on your doors,and make sure they are heavy duty dead-bolts understand.Stop being his victim,be strong. Abuser's prey on the weak. Abuse is just a mind game and every day there victim is willing to put up with it,it gives them so much pleasure,helps make there day. Learn self-defense as well,you may need it .Ask God to send you some angel's to help protect you,just remember he will be there when no one else can be.Oh,one more thing,get a phone with a tape recorder,so if he calls and leaves you bad messages you got the evidence you need for court if it goes that for.Good Luck,and God Bless You,Stay safe,only go out with friends as well,never alone.

Answer 6

Been there, done that.  

More than once and not just with boyfriends.

The abuse is a cycle, your description is actually classic textbook of the behavior and how it makes you feel.  Basically, you need to cut contact with this guy totally.  Eventually you will look back on this with a different perspective, but right now there are so many confusing things happening you just need to grab onto this:  GET OUT.

Do whatever it takes, ask for help, change homes, change jobs, whatever it takes.  Get totally away from him, no dating, no apology s*x, no contact.  Surround yourself with people who are positive, this may mean finding new friends.  And at this point, you probably need the help of your local womens center or shelter.  Don't feel like you are the only one going through this, they will know how to help and where to refer you if necessary.

Good luck and I wish you a happy perspective on this at a date in the not so far off future.

Answer 7

Yes, I have and the emotional went to physical after 8 months...but I still gave him a 2nd chance.  Towards the end it got HORRIBLE.  He would keep me in his vehicle against my will and until I held my foot up to the windshield, he wouldn't let me out, he'd even go through red lights.  He'd break my windows at night and I would call the cops, but I never pressed charges, because I loved him.  Any abuse is the same, it's abuse.  And he used to be so charming and sweet, come to find out he was just manipulative to get his way...it was terrible.  But I fell for it.  I ended up having my dad stay with me for a few nights on the couch to make sure he didn't disturb me, I also went away for a few days to visit my friend in college.  I joined a domestic abuse support group to get through the end to realize I wasn't wrong, he was wrong.  And then I ended up joining the army to get out of town.  No matter what...you need to do you and love yourself!!!!!!!  Do what you KNOW is right!  I am now happily married to someone that does not treat me like c**p.  I look back now and think, what was I thinking?  Trust me, reach out for help...move in with a roommate.  I think we fear being alone or something and the pain of love, but this is not 100 percent love, this is selfishness on his part.  Do what you gotta do!!  He's brainwashing you.

Answer 8

makes complete sense. get.out.of.it. dont waste one more second of time.

Answer 9

he is mentaly ill.. leave him asap if you want to live your life at fullest. this kind od people cant keep you happy .any expectations from him will make you upset only.. if one can't respect your feelings one cant give you true love.. thats wat i believe.

Answer 10

Signs of Verbal and Emotional Abuse

by Dr. Irene Matiatos with a former Client who's been there, done that

featured on www.obgyn.net

and http://www.drirene.com/verbal1.htm

Do you wonder if your relationship may be abusive? Ask yourself the questions below. If you answer 'yes' to more than a few, you may want to take a closer look:

Does your partner:

-Ignore your feelings?

-Disrespect you?

-Ridicule or insult you then tell you its a joke, or that you have no sense of humor?

-Ridicule your beliefs, religion, race, heritage or class?

-Withhold approval, appreciation or affection?

-Give you the silent treatment?

-Walk away without answering you?

-Criticize you, call you names, yell at you?

-Humiliate you privately or in public?

-Roll his or her eyes when you talk?

-Give you a hard time about socializing with your friends or family?

-Make you socialize (and keep up appearances) even when you don't feel well?

-Seem to make sure that what you really want is exactly what you won't get?

-Tell you you are too sensitive?

-Hurt you especially when you are down?

-Seem energized by fighting, while fighting exhausts you?

-Have unpredictable mood swings, alternating from good to bad for no apparent reason?

-Present a wonderful face to the world and is well liked by outsiders?

-"Twist" your words, somehow turning what you said against you?

-Try to control decisions, money, even the way you style your hair or wear your clothes?

-Complain about how badly you treat him or her?

-Threaten to leave, or threaten to throw you out?

-Say things that make you feel good, but do things that make you feel bad?

-Ever left you stranded?

-Ever threaten to hurt you or your family?

-Ever hit or pushed you, even "accidentally"?

-Seem to stir up trouble just when you seem to be getting closer to each other?

-Abuse something you love: a pet, a child, an object?

-Compliment you enough to keep you happy, yet criticize you enough to keep you insecure?

-Promise to never do something hurtful again?

-Harass you about imagined affairs?

-Manipulate you with lies and contradictions?

-Destroy furniture, punch holes in walls, break appliances?

-Drive like a road-rage junkie?

-Act immature and selfish, yet accuse you of those behaviors?

-Question your every move and motive, somehow questioning your competence?

-Interrupt you; hear but not really listen?

-Make you feel like you can't win? damned if you do, damned if you don't?

-Use drugs and/or alcohol involved? are things worse then?

-Incite you to rage, which is "proof" that you are to blame?

-Try to convince you he or she is "right," while you are "wrong?"

-Frequently say things that are later denied or accuse you of misunderstanding?

-Treat you like a s*x object, or as though s*x should be provided on demand regardless of how you feel?

Your situation is critical if the following applies to you:

-You express your opinions less and less freely.

-You find yourself walking on eggshells, careful of when and how to say something.

-You long for that softer, more vulnerable part of your partner to emerge.

-You find yourself making excuses for your partner's behavior?

-You feel emotionally unsafe.

-You feel its somehow not OK to talk with others about your relationship.

-You hope things will change...especially through your love and understanding.

-You find yourself doubting your memory or sense of reality.

-You doubt your own judgment.

-You doubt your abilities.

-You feel vulnerable and insecure.

-You are becoming increasingly depressed.

-You feel increasingly trapped and powerless.

-You have been or are afraid of your partner.

-Your partner has physically hurt you, even once.

Answer 11

Wow. Break up with him hun.

Answer 12

just leave him, then he might realize what he is doing at straighten up, the reason u are staying with he is most likely that he shows u affection when others do not