Does anyone else have a "stubborn" toddler, and have a hard time teach them anything.?

Question

My 2 1/2 year old is very head strong, and hard to teach. She doesn't want to talk, I've tried tools like walkie talkies, reading, voice recorders, ect. she will alway grab whatever out of my hand, and it turns into a lesson in disipline(time out ect. no hitting) and I havent taught her anything. I want to potty train her, but dread the fight. I guess my question is, does anyone with a child like this have any pointers, P.S. we've talked to the Doc. about speech theraphy, and are waiting for them to call with an appointment. One lady said it could be that at the time she should have started talking, was when her sister was born, about 1 1/2 years old. I'm trying everything I can think of can someone please help!!!

Answer 1

Patience, patience, patience.  At that age my son rarely talked.  I was SO frustrated.  He could talk, after a fashion, but he almost never would.  He would occasionally as US questions, but as soon as you asked him something, he'd go silent and ignore you.  I tried everything I could think of.  I got him evaluated by the state, but they said he wasn't "far enough delayed" to warrant therapy - so unless I wanted to pay hundreds of dollars for private speech therapy (not to mention taking off work in order to take him to weekly appointments) there wasn't much I could do.  

Eventually, things began to shift.  Now I can hardly get him to be quiet.  He's 4 and a half now and he talks almost non-stop.  He's still hard to understand sometimes, but there is steady improvement.  

Also, don't be too worried about "teaching".  It will come as it comes.  Exposure is the biggest thing at this age.  My son wouldn't learn his colors or shapes for the life of me.  No matter what I did, he just refused to listen or participate.  None of the newer "learning toys" were worth a f**t, so I went to ebay and bought a TI touch and tell.  It's a VERY old toy that was around when I was a kid, but it's still the best one ever.  Within a week of playing with it, my son knew all his shapes, and in less than a month, all his colors.  

Now we're working on more skills.  He absolutely refuses to work on letter recognition, but he loves to do workbook sheets that have to do with counting or pattern recognition.  I finally found a trick to get to the letters.  I bought two scrabble games and used the tiles to make a sort of "memory" game.  He loves to play games, and so is learning his letters without even knowing it.  

You just have to be patient and let them work things out for themselves...

Answer 2

Your question reminds me of a book called "A girl named Zippy"  The author Haven Kimmel was a strong-willed child.  She never spoke until around age 3.  The family was camping and her dad decided it was time to give up the bottle.  Anyway he pulls the bottle out of her mouth and she said "I'll make a deal with you.  If you let me keep it, I'll hide it when company comes and I won't tell no-body"  True story!  Those were her first words.  She was never at loss for words ever again.  If the only problem is not desiring to talk, then she is a lot like this girl, obviously there could be more to it than that.  Good Luck!

Answer 3

You have to figure out what motivates her or her "currency" as some people say.   So far what you have done does not motivate (and I do not mean this as a put down, I have to examine this myself with my own two year old...it can be frustrating!!)

Mine does not like having priviledges revoked.  She almost lost a trip to her grandma's  recently and today at a wedding she was running around where it was not safe at the reception (there were waitstaff going back and forth with trays) and she got the priviledge of wearing a special necklace for the big day and I told her I would have to take that away; using the reasoning that all of the big girsl were walking and she needed to do that too or she wasn't ready for the necklace.

On both occaisions she listened up right away.  You will actually have to follow through the first through times and hearing her cry will about break your heart, but it is more important on so many levels to have a child that is respectful and obedient.

Answer 4

hmm, she says no words at all? not even mommy..or dadda ..water, milk? any of those..ect?

Answer 5

If you have already check with her doctor and everything seems fine, you need to relax, every child is different I have a 3 and a 4 years old and each one learn in their own way.

I like the "cold turkey" approach, one day no more diapers yes it gets messy but it worked for me, one learned in a week the other learned just to pee and took months after she went poo in the baby toilet...about talking just take it easy there is a DVD that my kids love when they were younger "Bee Smart Baby" , www.babybumblebee.com/dvd.htm.I hope it helps.

Answer 6

Can she hear you? Does she understand what you say (i.e, if you had 3 objects in front of you (e.g cup, ball, teddy), would she be able to point to one or hand you one? Language isn't just saying words, it's all about communication. If she is communicating other than in words, I wouldn't be quite so worried as if she lacked understanding. As to grabbing things, this sounds like frustration. Maybe she really wants to please you and knows that she isn't. Until you see the therapist, try and ease back on the teaching. A skilled therapist will be able to assess the extent of her difficulties, and guide you towards ways of working which will help. Just communicate to her that you love her, and that you don't need to hear her speak. Make a really big effort to praise all attempts at communication - pointing, dragging you by the hand to get things, etc. Give her the words 'Oh, you want the cup(ball, dolly...)'. I'm not saying she doesn't have a problem, just that getting into headstrong battles now will not cure them. As to potty training, wait a while until you know what you are dealing with. (I assume there is no hearing loss?)

Try not to worry. I know that's easier said than done.