Does anyone ever wish that they were adopted?

Question

I remember growing up wishing that I would be adopted by a family who would love me, feed me in an acceptable way, put clothes on me that fit, be proud of me, chose me first for once, discapline and you know JUST WANT ME.

Maybe that's why I feel so strongly about my sons adoption. I want to be that person for him.

Does (or did) anyone else feel this way?

Answer 1

I'm sorry that you had a horrible upbringing.

Adoption would not have 'fixed' that.

Having more loving caregivers probably would have.

Nothing can compare to being given up by your mother - for whatever reason.

Nothing.

Being rejected (for whatever reason) by your mother hurts forever - and nothing can 'fix' it.

You can learn to live with it - and if you have caregivers who are empathetic and understanding about the losses in relinquishment - and will love you for you - and not try to change what nature had given you - you'll be a much better person for it.

Comparing the adopting situation of your son - to you 'wishing to be adopted' yourself really isn't a helpful scenario.

Apples versus oranges.

You being the most loving and understanding caregiver for your son - and allowing him to know his past, allow him to love everyone he wants to love and help him grow into a loving, caring and understanding man in the future - that's all you need to do for him.

All the best.

Answer 2

Yes, lots of people feel like that honey.  How wonderful that you can be that person for your son you are/have adopted!  Fabulous!!  The first thing I ever said to my daughter when she was born was "I am glad, out of all the babies out there, that I got YOU for my daughter".  I told her later the words and she loves hearing that story.  I don't share the childhood that got her that speech, but suffice to say we all wish we were in a better situation at one point or another!

Congrats on your son!!

Answer 3

I have heard people say this to me - that they wish they had been adopted.  What they are really saying is that they wish they had had more loving and caring parents.  I explain to them that being adopted doesn't guarantee that.  Unfortunately.

Answer 4

i wish i wasn't adopted even if i was adopted by another family member it gets really annoying trying to explain it to people and them asking me the same questions over and over and then feeling sorry for me and being seperated from my brothers and sisters

Answer 5

i did growing up, but have come to terms with what is.  and it was ok, really.

Answer 6

My parents WERE good custodial parents, that's true, FG.

But they didn't really want an adopted kid, they wanted their own children.  Trouble is, many adoptive parents don't realize this UNTIL they've got little adoptees in their home.

I was not made to feel special or adored.  

I got a report card for my daughter the other day, her first, and it reminded me that my amother never saved ONE report card of mine.  That is not  a cherished child.  To make matters worse, my natural mother was devastated by the loss of me,her baby,  in her own life.  So, no,  I never wished I was adopted.

I appreciate that you want to GIVE your son what you didn't have.  But remember that before he ever came to you, he already lost his entire family (parents, siblings).  Even if these people are not of sterling character, it is still a profound loss.  

These losses can not be filled entirely by you or regular doctor's check-ups.  Please read The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier.  It will help you understand your son's inner life.  You can choose to ignore this, or embrace it, and you can be a vital resource to him.  This sadness and frustration will exist either way, I assure you.

Also, FG, please be cognizant of 'saving' your son (and your own childhood?) by  trying to repair yourself through him.  This is really pretty selfish, and will burden your son emotionally more than he already is--and you've admitted in other YA questions.

I know you're trying, thanks.

Answer 7

When I was little, I thought it'd be cool to be handicapped so that I could sit in a wheelchair all day and not have to walk around. I can't imagine if I actually told a handicapped person that they were lucky they got to be in a wheelchair, that I'd always wished I was when I was kid. Yet, people never see anything wrong with saying it to adoptees, even though it makes us feel about the same way.

Answer 8

I used to feel that way as a child.  I am grown now and I understand that I wouldn't be who I am today if I wasn't raised by my parents that had me.

I don't know if I would have been better off emotionally or not.  In my life growing up there wasn't much affection and my mother used to verbally abuse me as far as saying she wished I was never born.  

I applaud you for adopting and loving him.  He is very lucky, and he will be a fine adult if you do all those things you say above.  Ã¢Â™Â¥

Answer 9

You know what, you didn't have the best life, but adoptees don't either.  I've gone through my whole life wishing that I wasn't adopted.  At least you got to know who your family was growing up.  Why is it that people always think that their lives would be better if they had been adopted?