Does anyone hate their step-childrens mom?

Question

I have two step-sons, ages 6 and 4, Me and my husband have a 8 month old daughter. I honestly always feel really guilty when I have to punish them, I always feel like I have to call their father and tell him what happened and get his approval. when my daughter was 5 months old his youngest was already four and my husband was out of town working, he went into our daughters nursery while we were all asleep and cut the mesh on the play-pen, I saw that it was shredded and immediately cried. I asked who did it and when I got myself together I told myself that he was not going to be easter egg hunting and that would be his punishment, when time came later that afternoon I went ahead and let him easter egg hunt. I just cant do it. and every time my husband and I fight for some reason it is always about the boys, and I know it shouldn't be like that, and their mom, she always talks bad about me and never fraught for them at the divorce but now she wants them... I hate her

Answer 1

You use language that divides your family into sections, his kids, our daughter, the boys mom.  

In your position, I would give yourself permission to be the Mother of the house, the Mother of "all" the children and accept that you have a family of 5.  

You shouldn't need your husbands permission to teach the kids right from wrong, or give them time out. If your husband gets upset with you it's possibly because you haven't accepted the boys as your responsibility and complain about the boys behavior. You being upset with the boys will upset your husband.  You need to enjoy being the boys mom and let your husband see your love and confidence as a mother to all his kids.

The boys biological mother has a right to be with her boys.  No matter the past, no matter her character, be a great person yourself by being respectful, kind, patient and humble to her.  She can't harm you unless you let her and she will be in your life for a very long time, try to make peace with the fact.  It's learning to accept the things you can not change.

Hating her will only make your life complicated, confrontational and misery loves company.  

I have been in your shoes with four boys and two of my husbands X's, I've had a lot of experience.  The challenges have been many and war could break out once a week if someone doesn't put the kids best interest first, I elected myself for the job because the X's are complicated and thrive on misery, I don't back bite and they've learned to trust me and respect me.  I've wanted to blacken their eyes but I restrain myself and I know that it's in the kids best interest.

I love and enjoy the boys and I've made our home a happy, safe, loving home for all of us.

Good Luck To You

Answer 2

My step-daughter's mom is very nice...she lives in a different state than us, so we don't see her often. But she's nice. =D