Does anyone have a close family member like this? What did you do?

Question

My brother is an intelligent, loving man. But he is so "dysfunctional." in so many ways.

My brother moved out here with his wife & kids to give him a change to catch up & improve his life.

My Mom went into debt to move a mobile home for his family to live in. They were supposed to pay $200 a month rent, but my brother is usually unemployed (he's worked less than 18 months out of 4 years) so they only pay $100 a month. (the wife's half)

And there is this situation. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AloLrI.gyGG0JbbODs48VDfsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20080814235832AAdJVw4

He has always had difficulty when it comes to jobs, & it has only gotten worse out here. And he is in COMPLETE denial of his problems. He thinks it isn't his fault. “”The boss just had it out for me!” kind of reasoning.

WHAT CAN WE DO?!?!?

I was wondering if we could do a kind of ‘intervention.’

3 or 4 of us sitting down with him telling what we personally experienced him doing to continue this downward spiral. (like leaving 30 minutes late for a job interview – or taking the kids to 6 flags when he ‘can’t afford’ rent)

HELP!!!

Answer 1

OMG. this is like u just told MY story! Thats my brother. he is 33yrs old wife and 4 kids! Same mentality. Nothing is his fault. its always someone else. I've talked to him before and so has my mother. he's even living with her right now (he's separated from his wife) we've basically come up with the conclusion that he's a selfish individual who thinks the world should hand everything to him on a platter. My mom does a lot for his family but puts extreme limits on him because he know mom will be there to pick him up. I think it's very important to tell him the reality of his ways. unfortunately selfish ppl can't see their faults. tell him! and maybe someone should coach him daily on how to get and KEEP a job. and how important it is for his family. what does his wife think of all this? is she the same? if so, tell her the same thing

Answer 2

We are all dysfunctional in our own ways, some more than others.

We all have in our families at least 1 family member that creates problems for everyone directly or indirectly.

The only way he can help himself is by accepting his shortcomings, his problems. Nobody can do it for him.

He might need counseling. You can tell him all you want for as long as you want. Unless HE is willing to change, it will remain the same.

Good luck to you and blessings,

Javy

Answer 3

some people that do as he is doing must hit bottom and he will not as your family are carrying him for a free ride

and he knows that when gets down you will be there to cover him

Answer 4

I have a brother in law like this. I keep helping and he keeps spending and eventually my sis had to get a job and put her 6 kids in day care. Some people you just can't help even if you desperately want to!