Does anyone have advice for an 18 year old with aspergers syndrome?

Question

My son is 18 and has aspergers syndrome. He has no friends and has suffered years of being teased. He is very smart but fails all his classes. High School has been torture for him. He wants to go to college but is afraid he will fail at that too. Can anyone who is on the autistic spectrum give him some adivce? I could use some advice too as I am one frustrated, depressed mom.

Answer 1

I can say from a personal level that it was very hard for me to get through even middle school. I am 16 w/ Autism and ADD, and I had to switch to a special needs school in my freshman year to get away from it all. The best advice I can give is just don't listen to it. I learned that when you give the person who's teasing you a response, they will do it some more, just to get that same response. I also learned that if you just ignore it, they will stop. I have a sister who likes to tease me all the time. Just ignore it and go on w/ your life. As for college, I say do community college for 2 years, then transfer to a university. I'm going to do that. It's actually like college, only there's smaller classes but the same amount of homework. I say good luck to you, and I will pray that God keeps you in his heart.

Answer 2

From what I've seen on Boston Legal (there was character on there with Aspergers), people with this condition are geniuses in one particular subject.  The character's being law and his father being mathematics.  College is very different from high school in a lot a ways.  It's not as clicky as high school and definitely not the same.  He'll be dealing with other adults.  People don't pick in college.  Everyone is paying to be there and classes are always quiet with very little or no disruption from students.  I'm not sure how much his social life will change...but I can assure you that he won't get picked on.  You may check to see if the college has some sort of support group for him...like something for, I don't want to say disabled students, but something that he may be able to be part of.  Just something to get his feet wet, so to speak.  That's the thing about college.  There's all kinds of stuff like that.  Counseling is also offered at most universities.  Maybe you can get him to see a counselor to improve his social skills.  

Do what you can to get him in college.  He will see that it's NOT high school and may even like it.  I think the biggest obsticle or problem will be whether he passes his classes and if he puts in the effort to do so; not if he gets picked on.  He should be able to concentrate better without worrying about bullies and being picked on.  So forget about high school.  College isn't h**l.  It's better.

Answer 3

I think he needs to change his IEP and try homebound education.  Course work online could be the thing to help him learn and emotionally heal from being teased.  These programs are often tailored to your state's needs.  Post a question inquiring about these with your state in the homeschooling section and you'll get a list of answers.  He needs to see some success before you can think about college.  Then you need to look into some social skill support groups through the autism society in your area.  He's not going to be ready for college without these.

Since he's 18, contact Vocational Rehabilitation to see what they can start doing for him.   Sometimes their waiting lists are very long.

Also, the mental health department in your local area may administer programs that would help him socialize.  I know it's not a mental illness, but it's just the administering group.

Does he participate in any sport activity?  Bowling leagues even?  Get him out with adult men.  How about a computer interest group or something else he likes?

Answer 4

ASPERGERS  is a diagnosis that is like tunnel vision, they like to see what they are interested in and other than that theres really no chance for anything else, in DUBOIS PA there is a technical school for children with developmental and physical handicapps to go to after high school, they teach trades and life skills. There are also many MH/MR Programs that your son could be involved in to teach him at his level... possibly a group home so he can be taught neccessary daily living skills... maybe he needs a professional that doesnt look at him like (thats my baby) and more like this boy has so much potential... maybe his level is that he will just be able to make it on his own. who knows... he could live on his own do his own grocery shopping and that is his highest accomplishment... unrealistic expectations are not what he needs, build little by little, if he can do most everything on his own yet he is teased in school he could take online courses... and get his social interaction at a day program...etc

Answer 5

If I were you,  I'd get him out of high school and have him get his GED; (People in high school can be brutal and that will harm his self-image more than it will help.)

Try to get him a little job being a busboy or something like that. If that works out, have him try a couple of classes at a community college. Make small attainable goals....'baby steps.'

Answer 6

Is there a support group near you that can put you in touch with other parents who have had the same kind of problem so they could offere you some advice.  I have worked with children who have aspergers syndrome and to help those who wanted to go to college we contacted out local college who had a great unit for children with problems and they arranged for the children to vist the college before hand and meet tutors who could offere them support whilst studying they also had a buddy scheme where they were given another student to help them at college to become familiar with their new surroundings as many asperger suffers do not like change.  We also arrange for them to could over a number of weeks to become familar with the college itself.

Answer 7

Im not on the spectrum but I do know ppl with aspergers are potentially genius's in the making and u need to do everything in ure power to get his behind to college and give him the best opportunity to become that genius. Ppl with aspergers are good with animals and with hightened perception of their environments. So I dont know.... what does he enjoy and take it from their. Find a subject that he is ridiculously good at and ship him off to college and provide him with as much support as humanly possible.

Dont get depressed - ure hard work will pay off - dont see this aspergers as an illness try to see it as  gift (which is easy for me to say i know) perhaps he might enjoy forensics or criminology - or something which involves complex problem solving where the aspergers sufferer would notice certain parts clues that the normal person wouldnt  that is the type of field he would excell in.

Good luck and hang in there x

Answer 8

I've taught high school special education classes, and I've worked with several young adults with aspbergers syndrome. My question is, is he receiving special education services? If so, what are his teachers doing for accomodations or adaptations for his classes? Why is he failing his classes? Is it a lack of effort, not going to class, confusion with what is being presented, not getting the supports he needs to succeed in his class, not turning in assignments or not understanding the material? Does he have good study skills and organizational habits? If not, he needs help to develop them. If he has good study and organizational skills and can understand the material presented with accomodations, he should be able to succeed in college. Students with disabilities can receive services through the college for adaptations for their classes. When looking at colleges, you both need to ask what services they have available and how he can qualify for these services. Small community colleges are sometimes better for people with disabilities to get used to the college experience while still being close to home (still living at home the first year at least has been beneficial in my experience) and having smaller class sizes.

Before you worry about college, however, you need to get through high school. If he is receiving special education services, he is required by law to have a transition plan for what he will do after graduation. This should have been developed at age 15. I encourage you to ask for first a meeting with his special education teacher and regular teachers, then possibly an IEP meeting to address why he is failing classes and not succeeding in high school. This should give everyone a clearer understanding of what the problems are. If he is not receiving special education services, it may be worth looking into. Students with disabilities can stay in high school until age 21 if needed. Sorry this is so long! Good Luck

Answer 9

He is going to need to get his grades up if he is going to go to college, but I think he will discover that once he gets there, college will be a generally good experience for him. In college, he can create his own living and studying environment, select the course schedule he wants, and move through college at his own pace.

What people with AS need is structure of their own making and allowances and accommodations for whatever needs they may have (they tend to vary for person to person). High school is too rigid and there are too many things going on which affect the senses of Aspies negatively.

There are some good podcasts out there that may help you understand AS better. Try going to http://mic.mypodcast.com/  and listen to Autism on the Homefront: Parenting Autistics; Special Feature Interview with Lewis Schofield; and Autism, Asperger Syndrome and Autism Spectrum Disorders.

They will give you some idea of how people with AS think and they may also give you ideas about how to help your son.

Answer 10

well for high school cyber school his i went there its awsome k12.com and for colege no idea

Answer 11

Hey Mom...try not to let it get you down..

I too have an aspergers sydrome 14 yr old son...he is brilliant...but as with your son does anyone take the time to see it?

Having a son you (as do I) love so much and see them hurting when others are so cruel to them hurts so bad...

My son (BEN) attends a regular middle school with the exception of a PARA- SPECIFIC and a laptop computer to do his work on..he is taking the same classes as everyone else his age...if his grades are not all they can be I focus on the effort he made...if he gets a bad grade but I know he truly did his best...then what's a D?

As far as college goes...only those that don't try fail!!! If you and your son believe he can, than anything is possible...and true friends will come...Ben has a select few true friends...your son will find some people accepting of his differences..I'm sure of it.

CHIN UP MOM!!

Answer 12

If he is not passing high school, he has no business going to college and quite frankly, should not get in. He needs to work on his social skills and he needs good career counseling that will help him match his strengths and weaknesses to what is best for him