Does anyone have any funny quotes?

Question

Could anyone give any funny quotes like 'if life gives u lemons, squeeze them in someone else's eyes' or 'there r no stupid questions just stupid people'

Answer 1

-Wipe your mouth, there's still a tiny bit of bulls%$t around your lips.

-Cleaning your house won't kill you, but why take the chance.

Answer 2

When life gives you lemons....make orange juice! (be diff.)

Answer 3

Friendsip is like peeing your pants; everyone can see it but only you can feel it.

Answer 4

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake

Answer 5

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.  

Answer 6

hows life in the cherry pit? or roses are red violets are blue i'm schizophrenic and so am I.

Answer 7

"If life gives you lemons...you blow those lemons to smitherines with your laser cannons."  -Brak

Answer 8

When the pin is pulled...Mr. Grenade is not your friend!

Answer 9

if you have something difficult to do give it to a lazy person - they will find an easier wayof doing it.

Answer 10

"Be nice to people, they out number you, 6 billion to 1"

Answer 11

No one ever got in trouble keeping their mouth shut

Answer 12

reduced fat?.................who wants that? :) ......lol