Does anyone have any good blond jokes?

Question

These people are annoying me and I can't think what to say.

No offence to any blonds out there. This is not a personal attack at you. It's just these annoying people I know who need to be taught a lesson.

Answer 1

1.A blond slept with a ruler to see how long she slept for.

2.A blond stared at a juice box for 2 hours because on the front it said 'concentrate'.

3.A blond and her friend where walking through a park and the friend said 'oh look, how sad a bird died..' and the blond looked UP and said, 'where?'

Answer 2

http://www.ahajokes.com/blonde_jokes.htm...

click on it then click on which type you would like then read it.

Answer 3

Your so dumb you stole free sample .

Q. What do you call a pimple on a blonde's ***?

A. A brain tumour.

your so retarded that you give britney spears a bad name!

why don't you slip into something more comfortable ? like a coma !

what was it i said that made you think i give a $hit ?

Q: What do blondes say after s*x?

A: "Thanks, guys!"

Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today ?

i know there supposed to be blonde jokes but i thought i'd give you a mix bag =)

Answer 4

this jokes just made me LOL

Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?

A: Because that's what they train for all their lives.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?

A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?

A: Spot

Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?

A: Air Supply.

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?

A: Because she got an F in s*x

Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?

A: Humpme Dumpme.

Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe s*x?

A: Locking the car door.

Answer 5

2 blondes walk into a building....u think one of dem wud hav saw it?

3 blondes walkin in da woods one day, dat look down an see tracks, first blonde says  "there deer tracks", second blonde says "noway there moose tracks" the third blonde sat thinkin........20 minutes later they wer hit by a train!

how do u keep a blonde amused for 7hrs 21mins an 8 secs....put her in a round room an tell her to sit in the corner!

i hav loads of these....

Answer 6

Burial at Sea

Bubbles and Barbie, two blonde sisters, had promised their Uncle, who had been a seafaring gentleman all his life, to bury him at sea when he died. Of course, in due time, he did pass away; and the two blondes kept their promise.

They set off from New London , CT with their uncle all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto their rowboat.

After a while Bubbles says, 'Do you think we're out far enough, Barbie?' Barbie slipped over the side; and finding the water only knee deep said, 'Nope, not yet, Bubbles.' So they rowed a little farther....

Again Bubbles asked Barbie, 'do you think were out far enough now?' Once again Barbie slipped over the side and almost immediately said, 'No, this will never do, the water is only up to my chest.'

So on they rowed and rowed and rowed; and finally Barbie slipped over the side and disappeared.

Quite a bit of time goes by and poor Bubbles was really getting worried, when suddenly Barbie broke the surface. Gasping for breath she said, 'OK, it's finally deep enough. Hand me the shovel.'

Answer 7

How long have you got?

Answer 8

Why did the blond fall of the swing

BECAUSE SHE HAD NO ARMS

Answer 9

Blonde jokes are pretty repetitive but here's a few:

Q: How can you confuse a blonde?

A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.

Q: Why did the Blonde get fired at the M & M factory?

A: She threw out all the W's

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?

A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?

A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Q: Why do blondes look up and smile at lightning?

A: They think someone is taking their picture.

Answer 10

why was the blonde girl staring at the orange juice

because it said concentrate

Answer 11

True Story, late '90's:

A Texas Cowboy's cheerleader was taking a pharmacutical company to court over the fact that she got pregnant despite using spermicide jelly.  When the she was asked if she applied it, she said, "Of course.  Every morning I spread it on my peice of toast."

Ewwwwwww, huh?

What do you get when you put a blond in the freezer?

Frosted flakes.

Answer 12

A blonde guy, Mexican guy, and Irish guy, were all sitting on a scaffold next to a tall building eating lunch. The Mexican guy says, " If I have 1 more burrito for lunch, I will jump to my death." The Irish guy says, "If I have 1 more cabbage roll I will jump to my death." The blonde guy says, "If I have 1 more bologna sandwich, I will jump to my death." The next day the Mexican guy opens his lunchbox and sees a burrito so he jumps to his death. The Irish guy opens his lunchbox and sees a cabbage roll so he jumps to his death. The blonde guy opens his lunchbox and sees a bologna sandwich so he jumps to his death. At the funeral,the three wives were standing around the tombstones. The Mexican guy's wife says, "If I'd known he disliked burritos so much, I would have made him a taco instead." The Irish guy's wife says, "If I'd known he disliked cabbage rolls so much, I would have made him corned beef and cabbage instead." The blonde guy's wife said, "Don't look at me, he makes his own lunch."

There was a magic mirror and if you lied to it you disappeared.

A redhead went up to it and said, "I think I'm the prettiest girl in the world," and she disappeared.

Then a brunette went up to it and said, "I think I'm the smartest girl in the world," and she disappeared.

Finally a blonde girl went up to it and said, "I think..." and disappeared.

Three mother's; a blonde, a redhead and a brunette are sitting down drinking coffee. The brunette says "I went into my daughters bedroom the other day and I found some alcohol, I can't believe she's drinking". The redhead says "I went into my daughters bedroom the other day and I found some f**s, I can't believe she's smoking". Then the blonde says "I went into my daughters room the other day and I found a condom, I can't believe she has a p***s!".

A blonde from California decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but

she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune . . . the Supermarket manager sees her and shuts the horse off.

One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were all driving in a car when the car crashed. Minutes later they appeared up in heaven.

God says to them "Ahead are 100 stairs, at each stair you will be told a joke, if you laugh you will take the one way train to h**l, if you remain silent, you will continue on. If you make it to the top, you will stay in Heaven."

So the brunette started up the stairs. At the 55th stair she laughed, and was sent abroad the train to h**l.

The redhead started to climb but laughed at the 79th stair and got on the train to h**l.

The blonde started up and made it to the 100th stair. She paused, then began laughing non stop. Shocked, God asked her why she had laughed. Still laughing she replied, "I finally got the first joke!"

this are more like stories that i got from a friend, but they are good lol!!

Answer 13

what do you call  a blonde wit two brain cells ?    pregant...

Answer 14

how do you drown a blonde?

-put a mirror on the bottom of a pool.

how does a blonde's braincells die?

-they die ALONE.

bhahahhaha

Answer 15

Question: If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?

Answer: The brunette - the blonde would have to stop for directions!

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The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"

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A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked,

"Where did you get that?"

The pig replied,

"I won her in a raffle!"

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A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.

Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.

She showed him the instructions on the tin,

"For best results, put on two coats".

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Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.

First Blonde:

"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!

Second Blonde:

Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!

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Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks.

The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said,

"I think they could be bird tracks."

The second blonde went to look and said,

"No, I think these are deer tracks."

They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!

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A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,

"You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

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A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling,

"You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"

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A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.

Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,

"I can't take this, you're my friend."

But the blonde insisted saying,

"No. A bet's a bet."

Then the redhead said

"Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied

"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"

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A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.

When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.

After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,

"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"

She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,

"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"

The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.

The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."

The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

Answer 16

A blond and a brunette jump off a cliff, which one lands first?

The brunette - the blond stops to ask for directions

Answer 17

"Look, a dead bird", says a friend ot a blond.  "Where?", asks the blond looking to the sky.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 18

How can a blond take 5 kilos off in a minute?

- She can just remove her make-up.

Answer 19

http://www.blonde-jokes.co.uk/top-10-dum...

http://www.kellys.com/jokeb1.html

here you go!

Answer 20

the blond I knew was offended by blond jokes.  she insisted she was very smart, so smart in fact, that she knew all the capitals......"Let's see, there's A, and B, and C ...."

Answer 21

Yeh this Japanese guy told me one!

One day Janes Blond left his gun behind and now his rear is one sided!

But Janes Blond liv on he only haf the xxxxx-Ole! he woz when he went spanish black!

Now he Gray and bald no-one want Blond!

But do not laff at this joke! ....I am Japanese Blond version this man!

You tell plopally! Dis story annoy plenty people who need lesson!

Sayonara to blidge on Liver Kwai!

Answer 22

Why does it have 2 b blonde jokes?? wat about brunette, red head black head, grey, white, etc........................ r kind of being offensive and shallow towards blondes!

Answer 23

i got sent this one today,

A blonde gets a job as a teacher she notices a boy in the field stood by himself while all the other kids are running around having fun. She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.

'are you ok?' she says

'yes' he says

'you can play with the other kids you know' she says

' its best I stay here' he says

'why?' says the blonde

The boys says 'Because I am the f#cking goalie'

Answer 24

the blonde was celebrating completing a jigsaw puzzle in just 5 days. on the box it said 5 years plus

Answer 25

BLONDE LOGIC

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and

one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther

away...Florida or the moon?"

The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida

?????"

CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it

died.

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, "What's the story?"

He replies, "Just c**p in the carburettor"

She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely

if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.

Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me

to show it to you!"

RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees

another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I

get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts

back, "You ARE on the other side."

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE  -  my personal favourite!

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that

her body hurt wherever she touched it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed,

then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee

and screamed;

likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched

made her scream.

The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?

"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.

Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind

the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the

trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled,

"PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian

said, "We were the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So wh at? We're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their

heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said

the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going

at night!"

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs,

and asked her what their names were.

The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"