Does anyone have any ideas on how I can adopt a baby?

Question

I am 35 with two daughters that are 11 and 15. I will be getting married in November. Yet, we have been working on trying to adopt. We would like to add a son to our family. We have been to meetings with the CPS foster/adopt program, yet they will only let us foster. We have to be married for 4 years because we had a previous marriage. Yet, a single person can adopt. It seems like every time we find a new agency, they say the same thing. We are really great parents and would love to help out a baby. Looking into all this has also showed that it is very expensive. We have lots to offer a new baby. I'm just unable to carry anymore myself due to loosing so many before. Please help. Thanks!

Answer 1

You have lots to offer a new baby...

What does a new baby need?

His MOTHER.

New babies are often given up because of coercion, duress, temporary circumstances that the mother could very easily change if given just a little help.  Most new babies are not "orphans" or "neglected" or "abused" or any other number of terms used to make adoptive parents feel good about taking them in.

New babies don't care if they are sleeping in a fancy Pottery Barn Kids nursery or if they are being carted around in a shiny Lincoln Navigator.  They don't care if they are wearing the newest fashions from Baby Gap.

They just want the mother they grew inside of, the mother they bonded with in utero, the mother whose voice they know and scent they know, whose heartbeat and movements rocked them to sleep for the first 9 months of their existence.  

They don't want a "replacement" with a pool and a pony.

If you really want to "help" a child, then adopt a foster child, someone whose parents' rights have already been terminated.

But to demand an infant only continues the unethical, coercive practices of dirty agencies who convince otherwise perfectly capable mothers to give up their babies for no good reason other than to fulfill the demand of their paying customers.

Answer 2

http://www.adopt.org/assembled/home.html

Answer 3

It doesn't need to be expensive if you go through the right channels.  Our youngest is 5 months now but she came to us at 4 days old through our local Foster to Adopt program and there was no cost to us for the adoption.

Now, on to your issue.  Yes, they let single people adopt but they are just one person to consider besides any new placement.  Once someone gets married, naturally, there are two or more people now (if one or both of them has children already).  The reason they want you to be married at least 4 years before adopting is so that you both can spend that time strengthening your bond as a married couple or new family (if you have kids already).  A new marriage can be stressful enough without bringing an adoption into the equation and the last thing CPS or any agency wants it an adoptive family breakdown and the children are tossed back into the system again.

My wife and I sort of ran into the same situation with our last adoption.  We were approved for 2 and when the first one came around we asked when our name would go back on the list for the second.  They told us that we would not be considered until at least 9 months after the adoption was done for the first one.  In that way there would be suitable time for parent/child bonding before another one came into the house.  9 months being the time line chosen so that it matches what a family having biological children would be limited to, as a minimum.  That way there would be no advantage or disadvantage to either type of family.  

My humble suggestion is that you take that time to strengthen your relationship/marriage just that much more, do your research and then make the leap.  Good luck and God bless.

Answer 4

if you want to adopt a child maybe about 5 to 14 you can call riveredge they have boys and girls waiting for replacement the we are in illinois and riveredge is in forest park.