Does anyone have funny jokes???!!!!!

Question

i like jokes that are kind of corny and punny.

but i will accept all jokes:

like

2 peanuts walked in a bar and one was assaulted

and

pancakes, eggs, and bacon walked into a bar and the bartender said 'sorry we dont serve breakfast'

Answer 1

ever wonder why ABCDEF are used 2 define bra sizes? A=Almost b***s, B=Barely there, C=Can do, D=d**n good, E=Enormous F=Fake

lol

Answer 2

This is from an old friend of mine, let's just say middle school;

a guy starts working at a food store, for the very first time, now his most favorite wors is ' I don't know'. So the manager puts him produce, he gets his first coustomer walks up to him and says " how much is this fruit"? he shruggs his shoulders and says " I don't know" , the managers over hears and says to him " you are not to say ' I don't know ' you are to say 'five cents' ", so he gets another one " how much is this fruit?" , he looks at her and says " five cents", then she asks him, " is it fresh?", he then again shruggs his shoulders and says " I don't know"?, once more the managers hears about this and goes to him ans says, " you are not to say that, you are to say, ' yes, fresh very fresh' ". He then gets his third and she ask him " how much is this fruit"? he looks at her and says with a smile on his face " it's five cents", then she asks him, " how fresh is it"? still with a smile on his face, " it's fresh, very fresh", then she asks another question " should I buy it"? then his face fell and shruggs his shoulders and told her " I don't know", once again the manager goes over, to him and says " you DO NOT say 'I DO"NT KNOW' you are to say 'if you dont then someone else will' ". So know he at the register and a crimmanal comes over to his register, he says, " how much money do you have in that reigester"? , for some reason he says " five cents" and with a smile on his face, the guy then ask him " are you being fresh with me"? still with a smile on his face " yes fresh, very fresh" the he gets upset and says " should I kill you"? still a HUGE shile on his face " if you don't someone else will".

This one is my FAV;

It's the 4th of July, a drunkand starving guy stumbles in the bar and yells to the bartener ( in a drunk voice) " yo, bartender, can I get a Colt 45 and a chesses sandwich"? , the bartender shakes his head and says " I'm sorry but I can't fix you a chesse sandwich" the guy stumbles out, then 5 minutes he stumbles back in and yells out " yo bartender, can I get a Colt 45 and a chesse sandwich"?, the bartneder looks at him and says " I'm sorry man I can't fix you a chesse sandwich", so just to make it short this guy stumbles in and out the bar about 10 more times " yo, bartender can I get a Colt 45 and a chesse sandwich"? , now the bartender is getting heated, " I told you over and over I can't fix you a chesse sandwich, you keep on asking me that, I'mma takes this baseball bat and go upside yo head with it"?!, the man sadly stumble sout the bar,b uthe comes back and asks the bartneder " ayo, bartneder" he looks up and yells "WHAT"!!!!, the guy says drunkly " you got that baseball bat back there, with you"? he looks confussed and says " no" , then quickly turns around and says " now I want thatg Colt 45 and a chesse sandwich".

Answer 3

Here's one =):

My friend was cooking in a kitchen, and while in the midst of cooking, he threw the butter out of the window.

Why?

coz he wanted to see a butter-fly.

hee, sorry, that's bad =)

Answer 4

A duck ate at a resturant, and when the waitress came and asked him how he  would be paying he said "put it on my bill"

kinda old, ik, but that's all i could think of :0)