Does anyone have funny quotes?

Question

I love laughing and reading funny quotes. Here are some I like.

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing."

"You laugh because I'm different... I laugh because I just farted."

"Your mama's so fat, when she sings, it's over."

I can't wait to hear the one's you guys like.

:)

Answer 1

I was so ugly when I was born that the doctor slapped my mother.

Answer 2

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid

What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

Hope you liked them! I like reading funny quotes too

Answer 3

"9 out of 10 voices in my head think that you are crazy!"

Answer 4

why did lil wayne,chris brown and neyo die? lil wayne choked on a lollipop neyo was so sick and chris brown had no air:]ahahahhahahahahahhahahahahha funni i know

Answer 5

"Junk is something you've had for years, never used, then you throw it away and need it a week later."

Answer 6

If peanut oil is made from peanuts and olive oil is made from olive oil, what is baby oil made from?

Answer 7

"We can't all be heroes, we need some people to sit on the curb and cheer them on."

Answer 8

Life is a cereal.

Life is like a vaccum...it sucks.

Today is the tommorow u worried about yesterday.

Bring me a sane man and I shall cure him for you.

If you don't suceed, you fail.

I'm drunk, ur ugly, but I'll be sober in the morning.