Does anyone have insight as to why I was violated for posting this?

Question

Y!A staff didn't even give a reason but my post was violated. I posted a link to this very moving (IMHO) youtube video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNFVUlJ2YBU

I found it so exactly how I feel as an adoptee... and so moving....yet I was violated for posting it. What do you think. Is it offensive? Is there a problem with it somehow?

Answer 1

I'm sorry that happened.  There are some prolific reporters on here who report things that make them uncomfortable

My latest 'violation' was for my answer to a teen mother-to-be whom I referred to girlmom.com.   Go figure.

There's no problem with your youtube link.  I certainly appreciated it :) and if it weren't for people like you reaching out to other adoptees I would still be in the dark thinking I was the only one who felt the way I do x

Answer 2

i dont know why it was in violated it was a very lovely clip it does show how child feel when they are put up for adoption and i know people do have there reasons and well i believe if the parent who gave birth to the poor child put it up for adoption then they must of thought that someone eles could provide better for it

Answer 3

I don't know why you got a violation notice for your first post. I think it is a very moving video about one adoptee's truth that may touch upon the feelings that many adoptees have. It brought up some very strong feelings of grief for me, fine. I still (and probably always will) need to revisit that grief in order to let it out instead of keeping it stuffed inside as I have for so many years. I also want to hear how adopted adults feel to try to understand some of the feelings that my son may have.

I think the violation to your previous post and some of the answers that you've gotten here are a reflection of how badly some people want to believe that all adoption is wonderful. And you know we can't have the rainbow and kittens version if some of the people who have lived this h**l speak up and talk about the pain. So just shut up - right?

There's a lot of censorship on this board.

And, this is EXACTLY the kind of video that mothers considering adoption should see.

Answer 4

its only offensive to the mothers who chose to give up their babies. they made a very difficult choice and they did it most likely because they thought they were giving their baby a better life. the fact that u were adopted proves that someone DID want you! somebody CHOSE YOU to be their child, that makes u all the more special! i dont think you should have been violated for posting it, u are entitled to ur own feelings. it just may be upsetting to those who had to make the heartbreaking choice to give up their child.

Answer 5

no not offensive but yahoo a is so fickle that if one person reports your question as offensive they'll delete it

Answer 6

well, to me its an uneccesary video, its manipulates peoples thoughts on the subject, people have rights as individuals to put their children up for adoption, im sure parents deciding to put children up for adoption will be going through a tough time to, it must be hard for parents to come up with this as the only hope of whatever they are trying to get out of.

far better a child being adopted to a couple who will give them the love they need rather than being with troubled parents wh just cant cope with parenthood or for whatever reason.

im sure parents who are considering putting their children up for adoption dont need to watch this type of video

Answer 7

I'm sorry you feel that way.  But I did find it offensive as a birth mother.  I chose my son's parents knowing they would be loving and accepting.  I will always be in my son's life.  I know he will never feel the way that video says adopted children feel.  But it hurts to see those words, because birth mothers are already going through so much grief.  

Birth mothers don't deserve to be told those things when they were so selfless and made what they full-heartedly believed was the best decision for their child.

Even so, I wouldn't have reported your question.  I don't think that was fair.

Answer 8

I just watched it and thank you for the link.  It was beautiful - sad, but beautiful.

I personally think it was stopped because people are very pro-birth mother in sentiment.  In the past women suffered terribly being forced to give up their children because of social pressures and there are so many well documented stories of how these women never forgot their babies and there are frequently stories of wonderful reunions...people tend to feel sorry for the birth mother above anyone in the adoption triangle.

The video really is very real, says things like 'you weren't there' and 'you missed this...' and even says 'you didn't stop the bullies' and 'you didn't stop the abuse'  all this puts the birth mother in a really bad light so I guess that is why someone reported it.

The thing is - people are all different and all have different circumstances.  Some adoptive parents are horrible and some are the salt of the earth,  some birth parents are selfish  but some of them utterly sacrificial, some adoptive kids grow up to be wonderful members of society and some are disfunctional.....the video you linked to doesn't say 'all birth mother's are bad' but sadly some people will have viewed it this way.

Thanks for sharing.

Answer 9

I just watched this incredibly moving video letter. It made me cry. But I cannot understand why it was "violated".

I am an adoptive father of a wonderful 10 year old girl - we adopted her at 1 year old.

Let me tell you that I cannot ever heal the pain that an adopted child feels having been given up. But I want you to know that I am so happy to be honored to have my daughter.

The reasons a mother gives up a child are many. Some may indeed be selfish, but please consider that some reasons are selfless. I hope that you can come to realize that by giving you up, your birth mother may have even saved your life. There are so many reasons mothers give up their babies and, since you will likely never know why this happened to you, you should only hope she made the right decision.

If you have had an unpleasant life I am sad with you. I hope, truly, that your life can be all that you wish for it to be.

Please know that my heart aches for you.

Answer 10

Unless making me cry is a violation, I don't know why it was violated.

Answer 11

I don't see anything offensive about this.  However, sometimes the truth hurts...I'd assume this is why your post was reported.

Answer 12

kind of new to yahoo but was there a question , and don't they tell u how you violated?

Answer 13

I suppose that only the YA staff can answer that. I just wonder if the person who did this video is willing to face that his loneliness could be caused from something other than his adoption

Answer 14

Theres no question in it and it seems like chatter therefore violating the community guidelines: http://answers.yahoo.com/info/community_...

Thats my take on the matter, I don't know what your original question  was but if it was a link to a video I can't see it being a question, unless it was something like "Is it right for me to feel like this video summarises". Ofcourse chances are someone reported it and it got taken offline rather than yahoo noticing it and taking it offline.

I've given you an accurate answer to a legitimate question, don't just give the points to someone who agrees with you, I'm sick of people doing that :(.

Answer 15

'cause people get report happy. I think people who report questions that are not in violation have issues. I think they do it because they have such little control of their lives that they feel powerful to see their reported question, deleted. Some even go as far as make multiple accounts to accomplish deleting a question.

I guess I came to the decision, that rather then get angery with them, that I need to pray for them because they need help.

Good luck to you.

Answer 16

I do not agree with it at all, i think it is mean, hurtful and vicious in the most subtle way...its like a low blow. The most ungrateful, ridiculous piece of trash i have ever seen. A f-you to both your adoptive family and your birthmother who loved you enough to give you a better life.

but its not a violation of any terms

Answer 17

just because, dear, there is no freedom of speech in answerology. lol sorry

Answer 18

It's a tear jerker for sure, and being a bmom it took me right back to that time when I wondered if this is what my daughter was feeling. You probably offended someone. It was not me as this is the first time I have seen this and I believe that if a person does feel this way they have every right to express it.

As far as manipulation, what about the manipulation that has been caused to so many people in reference to adoption as a whole?

You took me back to a time that was very painful for me, that isn't worthy of a violation, it's my problem. But you did make my mascara run and for that I will hold you accountable. Sorry you got violated.

Answer 19

What was your original question?  

If you just posted a link, you didn't ask a question so you were violated for that.

You may be violated for this one as well as it appears your purpose is not to ask a question, but to get people to watch this link.

I won't violate you, but I personally think people violate anyone who disagrees with their stance.  EVERY question I have ever posted on this board was violated....every non- "adoption is horrible and terrible and no one should ever be involved with adoption," question.

I posted a question that was more from the point of view of adoptees and it got violated by someone who wants all adoptions to be wonderful love stories.

I'm convinced there are "reliable reporters" out there who just report people they don't like, or just report people who don't share their opinion...on all sides of the triad. Just like people give thumbs down or report answers that shouldn't be reported.  

Personally, I only report the plain rude ones or stupid ones (Birth Mothers...would you have kept your baby if it weren't so ugly?....seriously!), or the ones trolling for babies.

If you haven't you should make all your questions and answers private..it does make it harder for them!

Answer 20

It made me sad. I have never violated anyone.

Answer 21

It would have been for *chatter*

It was a absolutely beautiful clip and made me cry too

ETA Well I guess only an adoptee could really understand that clip...

Maybe you as a birth mother/first mother feels hurt by the clip, but doesnt the adoptee have the right to express their feelings of being given up for adoption. Dont they have the right to feel it was abandonment to THEM ? even if you as a birthmother feel you did the right thing and *chose* the parents as you said well doesn't the adoptee get the right to feel upset that you didnt choose him/her ?

Or is it really true that adoptees have no flipping rights AT ALL ???

Answer 22

because ppl i guess find it contravercial maybe about the abortion an all lol i duno really umi gues maybe someone within the context u put it in

Answer 23

Isn't that a kicker - when you post an answer or a question, only to get that Yahoo Violation email? When I get those I feel.... violated.

Just off the top of my head, to answer your question, someone probably reported it as 'not being a question' or chatter or whatevers.

I don't know what your original question was because I didn't see it, but if you were originally asking how the video made people feel - I'm glad it was posted.

I feel like that.