Does anyone have trust issues in their relationship when it comes to the internet?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together about 2 and half years. We are talking about engagement and we have a beautiful daughter together, but the problem is throughout our relationship he has had a couple of internet issues. Such as creating email addresses that I don't know about and making profiles at the trashiest sites on the net (Adult Friend Finder, Online Booty Call , Swing-lifestyle and more) he talks to these chicks on there and then moves it to like yahoo messenger mobile, so while I am thinking everything is okay and going great he was doing this behind my back. I bust him every time. I have found numerous email addresses and figure out the passwords and log in to them, but it's no secret between him and I, so finally about 6 months ago I had enough. I told him that it was the sites or me and he cried and apologized and said nothing was worth losing our family over, so he stopped. Well my phone broke and I had to borrow his old one, in the phone are words saved like fwb (friends with benefits) or mistress. We haven't had any issues and I know he stopped doing it, but the problem is he has done it so much in the past that it's hard for me to let go. I know he hasn't met any of them but he has had plenty of sexual conversations. To me, that is a form of cheating and this is why I find it to hurt so much. So even though the things in the phone are in the past, is it supposed to still bother me? So I asked him about it and he was so upset because it was from the past and he doesn't do it anymore. Am I wrong, or what should I do?

Looking for some input,

Thanks

Answer 1

Dear Internet Advice Seeker:

It's not easy...taking the step to become married is a whole new 'monster'--it sounds as if your child's father has shown some strong signs of having fidelity issues.

I believe the Internet can cause a host of problems within personal relationships, marriages, and business dealings--it sounds like your fiance may need to change his mind-set with respect to the Internet, tell him the Internet is a great resource for finding employment, researching, and other business ventures but risking his family for tasteless affairs may require he get counseling if he feels he may have a problem.

Tell him this is how much your family (including him) means to you, that you would be willing to get counseling...but the next step after catching him again is to dissolve the relationship.

It's that serious.  And his behavior won't change, if you won't.

Good luck!

Answer 2

You know in your heart what is going on you just want to hear it from someone else! Many will tell you to let him go. But I say you should keep working on this relationship because you are a glutton for punishment , many years of suffering is what you want. Just loving someone is not enough. If they do not return the care ,compassion , emotional support and physical assistants not to mention s*x. You are short changing your self. Plus if he is having s*x elsewhere you could get many std's . Do as you will  Free advice is rarely followed

Answer 3

I bet you it hasn't stopped, he's just found a better way at hiding it. Once a cheater, always a cheater. This guy sounds like scum to me. Move on and get a real man!

Answer 4

get rid of the computer...

Answer 5

first off -- you deserve better than that, i hope you know that. you deserve to be with someone who is, and always will be 100% loyal to you. anything less than that is disrespectful. typically, people say they will change, but cannot stop with this kind of behavior. on the lighter side, i do believe he loves and cares about you.

if i were you, i would still be bothered by it all. i would feel suspicious of what he was doing, knowing he has done it before. if the roles were reversed, how would he feel about everything? for example, say he was loyal to you, but then found out you were talking with guys online in an intimate way. would he feel secure? probably not.

i would have a good long, heart to heart talk with him. let him know you are still feeling upset about the past. tell him exactly how you feel, and even bring up  the analogy stated above. sometimes it hits people better when they can put themselves in the same situation. try to work out a plan where, if you feel nervous about anything, you can talk to him and work out your issues. and at the same time, if he feels as if he has any urges, that he talks to you, so you can talk with him about why he is feeling this way.

i do hope the best for you, him, and your daughter. good luck :)

Answer 6

Both Sides---

Trust is the problem, and it is a problem!

You are going to feel the way you do at one time or another(Natural for anyone)

He also has something to accept becauise he involved your relationship with those things.

My Answer is...Both of you have to be patient and understanding at this point...or you will cause it to go further downhill. YOU DON'T WANT THAT!   Family Is More Important!!!    

You are wounded...but help your relationship by only bringing it up when you just can't help yourself.  This is what men have a hard time with. Women bring it up to much or wear it on their sleeves to often.  It is a price HE/you both have to pay.  Talk when you are hurting, just not when you are mad and he will understand better

Take care...keep your relationship as healthy as you can and forgive if nescessary