Does anyone have ways/ideas to help a 4 year old's coping/social skills?

Question

I have a 4-yr-old in my Preschool who really should have been left in the 3-yr-old room, just based on behavior. Some background: family consists of sister (2nd grade), working but devoted father, and a mother who is not active in his life (currently has a warrant out for her arrest!). Here are some things that happen multiple times throughout the day:

(1) When playing a game, will not follow rules of game and will not take turns. When he is talked to by teacher and it is explained that that's the fair way to do it, he cries.

(2) When playing w/ others, if someone knocks something over of his, he screams at them and cries for a long time.

(3) When playing nicely with another child, will all of a sudden be mean to him/her (i.e. taking the ball they were playing with and walk away).

I've been doing my best to help him talk things out w/ those that have "done him wrong" whenever these things happen, but it's not working and I’m running out of ideas! Help!

Answer 1

I have an 11yr old with combined ADHD, bipolar, Learning disability, and OCD. I also have a 6 yrold with Prader-Willi Syndrome.  I have found a place to help you not lose your mind with trying to discipline and calm your child down.  Love and Logic. They are GREAT!!! Also used with therrapy and a psychiatrist due to the nature of the 11 yr olds mental health issues. Good Luck

Answer 2

Bree:  Bless you for taking an interest in this sad little boy.  You're right that he may be a bit behind in his social skills.  ***He is socially/developmentally delayed for (most probably) emotional reasons and the solution is beyond even the most concerned, loving, and determined parent or caretaker.***

But keeping him in the 3-year-old room will not help.  The 3 year old children will only become his "victims" (this is NOT blaming him!) as he will develop bullying 'skills' as he is older, bigger, and most importantly, angrier (with good reason).  

If you are in a position to influence his Dad stress to him that the ONLY answer is to get him help.  Your brief description of his family situation paints a very clear picture of a very angry little boy in desperate need of a child psychologist (preferably one who specializes in Play Therapy).  Reinforce to Dad that this little boy is angry and acting out and needs the help of a skilled therapist in order to avoid him growing into an angry adolescent/bully.

In the meantime, keep your 'talk things out' sessions as brief as possible and gently - but firmly - keep strict limits on his inappropriate behavior.  At 4 years old, "Time Outs" (one minute for each year of age) are appropriate.  If he moves (for instance from a naughty chair), restart the time-out clock.  The first few times, he will test the patience of Job, but he will get the idea.  When 'Time Out' is successfully completed, have him apologize to the other child, then give him a hug and start fresh.

If you're able to convince his family to get him the appropriate help, ask them to relay advice from the therapist.

Good luck and G*d bless!

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Addendum: 10:34 pm

Bree, my heart aches for your determination to help this child, but unless you're an LSW, PhD, MMH, etc., this is beyond both your skills and Dad's.  This little boy MUST get professional help.  He will not outgrow the problem, it will not miraculously disappear, he will not have any sort of epiphany, and he will not develop any empathy for others (a prime trait of bullies) without professional help.  There are no other options.

Answer 3

Wow!! That definitely sounds like a cry for attention. Poor kid. Unfortunately kids that age will do whatever it takes to get attention whether it's positive or negative. (I'm sure being a daycare teacher you know that already!). Have you tried talking to his father about this?

Answer 4

He's begging for attention. Instead of focusing on his bad points try focusing on his good ones.

Answer 5

In my opinion, he's crying out for attention. His mother isn't in his life, his sister is at school all day, and he's at day care with strangers while his father is working. Instead of talking to this child about what he's done wrong, why not focus on what he's done good!!! He needs individual attention. He's not getting it at home. This is your chance to help a child.