Does anyone know a funny, funny joke?

Question

i need a funny joke because me and my friend are having a joke contest and so far im not doing good i only have 5 jokes i need about 20 to bet her. sos

Answer 1

There once was an Indian who had only one t******e, and whose given name was 'Onestone'.



He hated that name and asked everyone  not to call him Onestone.



After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, 'If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!'



The word got around and nobody called  him that any more.



Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, 'Good



morning, Onestone.'



He jumped up, grabbed her, and took her deep into the forest, where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.



The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.



Years went by, and no one dared call him Onestone, that is until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.



Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone.



She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'



Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!



What is the moral of this story?????...........................



You can't kill two birds with one stone!!

gram

Answer 2

Little Johnny came home early from school and started calling his mother with no answer. He finally went up stairs and saw the bedroom door was open a little. When he peered in, he saw his dad on the bed with the maid so he quietly went outside and waited for his mother.

When she showed up with some groceries, he said "Mommy, Mommy guess what I saw? I saw daddy upstairs on the bed with the maid and they were......."

And his Mother said, "Stop right there, Johnny". Wait until supper tonight when the maid is serving the meal. When I wink at you, and then tell me the story."

At supper when all were seated and being served by the maid, she winked and Johnny began again.

"Mommy, when I got home from school early today, I was looking for you and saw daddy on the bed with the maid. They were doing the same thing that I saw you and Uncle Phil doing at the cottage last summer."

Answer 3

this is the worlds best joke. 2 million ratings. after a lot of research it is now known that this is the best joke.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Answer 4

Remember, this  is only joke

In a clinic, a girl was having conversation with the doctor.

Girl: "Doc, I was call my boyfriend a b*****d, ****** and sucker."

Doc: " why do you calling him like that"

Girl: "Well, it happened in his car. He was grabbed my hand"

Doc:" How, like his?"

Then the Doctor grab the girl's hand.

Girl:"Yes, it was like you did to me."

Doc: "You musn't call him like that. He wanted to show that he need you"

Girl:" but then, he Hugged me"

Doc:" How, like his?"

Then the doctor Hugged the girl.

Girl: Yes, It was like you did to me."

Doc:"You musn't call him like that because this. He Just doesn't want to lost from you."

Girl:"But, he put my clothes off afterward."

Doc:" How, like his?"

The doctor put off the girl clothes. Now the girl is in nude.

Girl:" Yes, It was like that."

Doc: "still you musn't call him b*****d, ****** and sucker. He wanted to know you completely."

Girl:"But then, She did it. You Know What I mean, do you?"

Doc:" How, like his?"

Then the doctor and the girl were making love.

Girl: " ah.., Yes, it was like that too."

After that..

Doc:" well, Maybe he just wanted to show his love."

Girl: "But, he said he was infected by aids."

Doc:"b*****d, ******, SUCKER, HE IS A REALLY ******"

Answer 5

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!). The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I make bets."

The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"

The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square." Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"

"Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!" The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM as a witness?" "Sure!" replied the confident president. That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet. The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them.

"Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."

Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall.

The president asked the old lady, "What the h**l's the matter with your lawyer?"

She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 AM today, I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand."